To think giving me one day a week actually isn’t ok?? Or AIBU?

It sounds horrid.

I don't think there's any point approaching it as 'you need to give me more time' and with a fixed idea of what you want him to do because I'm guessing both of you are knackered and stressed and this will just add to that, cause a row, and be ultimately unproductive. But I think it's perfectly reasonable to say that you are feeling overwhelmed, miss him and want to be a team and to ask him to take some time to chat about what can change to make things happier for everyone.

You can certainly plan how you both want your lives to be once this contract is up!

The people who find this implausible have clearly never worked in the NHS.

No YANBU. He should either be doing admin in the evenings if he’s not living at home (instead of bed/ bath etc), getting into work early, or at the VERY WORST coming back home and doing admin in the house (where he can have lunch with DC, or take her for half an hour etc).

TBH most people could find admin to do all day in most jobs, I certainly could, but I accept that if I want a relationship with my kids and partner, I can’t spend all my time at work. This is especially true if you work away- the whole point is that you do as much as possible when you’re away in the week so when you’re home you can make the most of it. Weekends are the only time you and your DC see him, spending 50% of that on admin is mad.

A 6 day a week job isn't sustainable with family life. If he can't do his job Monday - Friday then he's either not being efficient at work or it's not a sustainable job so he needs to speak to his manager about what's achievable. Since he's staying away during the wee he can also work very lo mg days.
Working every Saturday is a con. Either he's taking you for a ride or someone else is taking advantage of the fact he's a workaholic. I absolutely wouldn't put up with this.
Also - I knew an NHS chief executive (a friends dad) and yes he worked the odd weekend but most of the time, he didn't.

He really needs to be filling his weekday evenings with the amin so he can get home on Friday to see you. He's being very unfair on you, he can't think a Saturday is better spent away from his family than at home with them.

Is he a clinical Consultant or Senior Reg? The workload is mad and the admin in the NHS is overwhelming. It should get better though.

Does he not stay Sunday night too? I can't quite work that out from your post, but I think not. I expect it will soon shift to only coming on Sunday for the day.

I'm another in the camp that says this stinks of at least another relationship, possibly worse. Even if that weren't true, he's a selfish disengaged man, and you're probably frankly better off accepting he's not invested in this marriage.

What hours does he work during the week? I think if he always plans to work six days a week, his work will definitely fill out six days a week (I presume Saturday is overtime). I speak as a chronic workaholic in jobs where it’s expected you’ll give umpteen unpaid overtime hours, if you’re lucky at the end they’ll bestow on you a pathetic bonus. The pp is right - it’s unreasonable even for a contractor to keep up six day weeks for such a long contract - he won’t be operating at full productivity.

I would say to him that you are finding the parenting relentless, and you miss him too, so please can he commit to coming home on Friday night every other week, and see how that goes. Also if he is working 9 or ten hours a day, let’s say, during the week while he’s away - can’t he do another two hours each evening in his hotel? That would solve his problem and also save one night a week’s hotel cost. He can easily work 7.30am to 6.30pm and then 8.30pm to 10.30pm Mon-Thurs so he can stop early on Fri and have more downtime on Sat - I used to do that plus a commute and maintaining a household. If He is already working insane hours Mon-Fri then you have to ask him - is this really worth it? He will burn out if he is doing mad hours every weekend and throughout the week.

Last point - if it’s just admin, you could research AI tools he could invest in to help him cut through the dross. AI tools can draft minutes, emails, concisely summarise emails and documents, review cvs, maybe even more he can do if you know what kind of admin he is tackling.

I would suggest admin min to Thursday evenings would be more appropriate. Home Friday evening for a late drink/takeaway/cuddle with you after work. Sat morning he takes dd out and comes back around 10 with breakfast for all and then you spend the weekend together. My Dh worked away for much of the children’s early years because it was needed. The ONLY bonus was no commute meant he could get it all done in the week.

Does he do long days in the week?

why can’t he do admin in the evenings on a weekday??

Given what the OP has said about his job, my guess would be that he's already working pretty late during the week anyway.

I read it as he stays until she goes to bed (he is at home and then after she goes to bed he travels back to where he works), not that he stays in bed.

I think given the fact this 'weekend admin' is a long-term situation and not just come about, he has offered a reasonable compromise to you. You say yourself it's not his fault he's working away from home.

HOWEVER - without understanding what the admin is, how many hours he works daily, and doing what - I would suggest that for better family relations, he tries to do his admin an hour or so a day during the week while he's away, then travels home on Friday night. If he hasn't got it all done, then he does it in the morning with an agreement he down tools by 1pm and you spend the rest of the day together.

I don't think you're unreasonable to be upset by the situation but it sounds like he's doing his best, and by saying he'll have the baby all day Sunday while you do whatever you want genuinely what he thinks you want.

I don't understand why he isn't doing the admin during the week while he has no evening parenting duties - and if he is 'high up' in the NHS why doesn't he have admin support? This all sounds highly implausible - how long have you known this man, are you sure there isn't another family involved?

One major question is, why can't he get the job done within the normal working week? He needs to think about either working smarter or pushing for more help. It doesn't really make sense for a senior management person to be doing basic admin tasks.

If he’s not coming home on weekdays, why can’t he do admin in the evenings on a weekday??

also, when is he proposing you do something together as a family?

I am a sAhm ,I'd kill for a full day to myself,every week ..wow ..
It's only for 9 months then something different

Why can't admin be done in the evening on weekdays when he has hours alone to do it?

I hear you.

I doesn't sound like a great situation for any of you. And I don't buy some of the comments here saying you're being unreasonable. Unless your DD was an unplanned accident, you both made a conscious choice to parent. At any point, did you both (not just you) stop to consider how that would in practice with a partner working 6 days a week, and now worse, not even there 6 days a week.

It took two of you to make your DD. And sure, him playing dad on Sundays to give you a day off might help him to feel less like an absent father and in his head gives you a rest... Although in practice, I suspect that would be less about you having complete time to yourself to do exactly as you want, it'll more likely free you up to do all the other little jobs that you can't do with a very small person in tow.

Notwithstanding that, it takes two of you to be in a relationship. When do you get to nurture your relationship?

I don't think you are unreasonable to be wondering where this might end up. Is he working double shifts when he's away? If not, what is he doing with the time he's not at work? Could he look at his admin differently and see if there are efficiencies he could make in the week to free up more time in the weekend.

What is this admin he’s doing?

Is it work related? Is he on a very high wage to justify the impact on lifestyle? £150k+?

He can do his admin weekday evenings can’t he?

I guess that staying away and doing the 'admin' in his hotel or flat also gives him Friday night out every week too 🤔

OP didn't say he spends all day in bed on Sunday.

He has to a do a full day of admin EVERY Saturday. Something smells fishy.

Why is he not doing it in the evening when he's away?