To think giving me one day a week actually isn’t ok?? Or AIBU?

The op has a job and looks after the child 90%of the time. She probably is exhausted! Can't see how the man has the raw deal avoiding almost all family responsibility and every evening to.himself.

Makes me laugh and slightly irritated how so many people jump to - affair, second family, drink, drugs, gambling. Not all of these scenarios have to play out like some ITV drama. Not everyone has to be up to no good. He could be a total workaholic which in itself is a problem to address. Stop jumping to terrible unhelpful conclusions.

My opinion is that it is unsustainable in the long term, but you didn't ask that, you asked if it was unreasonable. Since it is a fixed contract then take what he is offering for the break right now and discuss how it may change when the contract is up. It's all you have at the moment to roll with but fortunately there's light at the end of the tunnel when it ends. Of course there is also the helpful advice from PP about him doing an hour or so each night. That could be something to explore.

I've known consultants in the NHS and privately as my mum worked as a medical secretary, and even with her doing admin they still worked constantly as there were just some things she couldn't do on their behalf.

He’s not working 24/7, his down time is in the evenings, every evening after work.

Of he wanted to could do an hour or two admin in the evening and come home Friday evening to see his family.

I personally think a day to yourself is just fine , most of us don’t have a full day to ourselves. The weird thing is that you both don’t want to ah e a day to both of you or as a family . This is so alien to me as I love to spend time with my partner alone and with the kids

If he's in a similar role to me, then he's already working half the night....or is the poor man not allowed to have dinner or sleep anymore?

I know lots of NHS consultants and none work such long hours or every weekend. I know one who works late a lot but that is totally optional private work. He employs someone to do the admin

I feel sorry for the husband, away from home with a stressful job and yet he’s expected to rush home on a Friday when the traffic is appalling, have no down time whatsoever because he’s working in the days, and evening, and then he has to spend the weekend exhausted and trying to keep everyone happy. And to those who say the OP would be better off alone, that’s BS. She would have to find a job, childcare, and be exhausted herself. It sounds like the husband has a well paid job. Lots of married women have to manage a lot on their own, think about the military and oil rigs.

I didn’t read it as he was staying in bed. I thought the OP meant that he stayed at home all day then left after the daughter had gone to bed.

For ober 10 years while we were living overseas Dh invariably worked a 6 day week, and long hours every day, too.

We just got on with it. Sometimes you just have to - unless an easier-hours job with roughly the same money is easy to come by. Often it won’t be.

What's he doing in the evenings during the week? Why can't he do some of his admin then?
You literally have one day a week together under the same roof and he's suggesting you go and do your own thing? Does he not want any family time?

It's hard to sustain a marriage OP when you don't get time together not just as a family but as a couple.

The risk is your lives will end up so separate that you just drift apart and can't fix the gap. I've seen it happen with friends when the DH works away and gradually spends less and less time at home because there's no place for him in daily life.

The idea that he chooses to spend a Saturday away from his family in favour of work would make me very sad.

Ask yourself this- do you have an understanding of what exactly he is doing when he has all this “admin” to do? Or does he patronise you and say you’d never understand, and close down questions? Even if he is a doctor and the info about individual patients is confidential, he should be able to give you full information about why this work takes so long and has to be done every Saturday.
My suspicion is that he has always been chronically inefficient (hence the Saturday working carrying over from one job to the next) and is afraid or ashamed to ask his managers for support because he’s been masking it so long. I see it in my industry all the time- people spend 5 hours doing something but only record 2 on their timesheet and never tell their bosses they worked all weekend. In jobs with no fixed hours and no overtime it’s easy to fall into those bad habits.

Then, when your buffer time suddenly disappears because you have other commitments outside work, like a family, you are screwed. Or the family are…

It’s the compartmentalising here that seems to be a real “dad privilege”. That he never has to multi task or fit bits of work into time when he isn’t feeling at his best.

What is he doing with his free evenings during the week? He should do his admin then.

How far away is he for this job? I think that's relevant. But overall,I agree - he should return home Friday night. If he has to work, at home, Saturday, fine, but one assume he's not working from 7am-6pm?

YADNBU! Wheres your family life? Even if he took your DC Sunday, you just wouldn't see him, he needs to bloody prioritise his family now he's a parent, a mother sure as shit wouldn't be tolerated doing this.

As PPs have said, do the bloody admin in the evenings and get home Friday night, you need a full weekend together if he's away all week, otherwise he needs to find another job, he's missing his baby growing up FGS, he needs to tell work his workload is completely unmanageable otherwise if it can't be done within his contracted hours.

I think you need to move. It just isnt working with the two of you being apart like this. I don't think he is being unreasonable but why are you putting being near your family over being with your husband. This isn't good for a relationship.

There’s this of course.

Why can’t any admin be done in the evenings?

I would be very concerned if my husband worked away from home 6 days a week and then on the only day per week we could be together, he is offering to go out with the child and not spend it with me. Only sleeping in the same bed 1 night per week. I think any husband committed to his marriage and wanting to be a hands on Dad would leave super early on a Monday morning and be on their way home as soon as they finished on a Friday. Try to get 50% of their admin done midweek evenings and then only do a few hours of admin on a Saturday morning. If he genuinely works such long hours that he can’t get the admin done midweek, plus he is in a senior position, then he need to be talking to his employer/manager about getting some admin assistance.

On a side note you say that you are currently living close to your family…….. as a short term fix could a family member have your daughter for a few hours on a Saturday so that you could have a break, then still keep Sunday as a family day?

My IL’s marriage was like this when DH was growing up and let’s just say, MIL was miserable and they eventually split when DH reached 18.

You’re essentially a single parent with a Dad who pops in like a typical Disney dad one day a week to entertain your child. You said it’s temporary yet it sounds like it’s been this way since your DD was born and she’s 1.5 years old. He must have a cracking life only parenting one day a week… I couldn’t deal with this at all, total dealbreaker for me. You don’t have a child with someone with a view to raising that child basically alone.

If he has got an office based role that's normal hours, and he has a lunchbreak, and time to himself to do other stuff after work, then yanbu as he could just do an hour or so of admin every day and have Saturdays off.

Oh this makes me laugh. Normal hours for senior managers in the NHS is working at least 10 h days, then at least one day over the weekend and that's just to keep you head above water. No time for planning, service improvement, coaching junior colleagues and all the things people tell us we don't do enough of....because there is no time.

I'm a Director in a large acute Trust. I'm working at least 70h weeks. So no, it's not a normal office job and OP is definitely getting more downtime and breaks than her husband.

I'd be expecting him home on a Friday evening and then for him to leave on Monday. Even if he genuinely has to work all Friday evening and all Saturday including Saturday evening then at least he's in the house with you and you are interacting, eating meals together etc.

Reality is that even if he works for a couple of hours on the friday evening he will be having some downtime.

Why can't he do the admin on a laptop whilst sitting in the same room as you.

It sounds like it's a very difficult life for both of you, I remember speaking to a consultant lately and they said their work life balance was not good at all, I have to add this was a very dedicated consultant really dedicated to their patients, I really felt for this consultant because they are missing out on their children and relationship. So whilst it's hard for you at least you will get that day to yourself where as your partner won't.

Admin my arse.

That is the opposite of what she said.