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AIBU?

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Original poster

To want to give this prize back after 6 months.

265 replies

Thecurtainsdontmeet · 28/01/2024 07:36

we won 4 VIP tickets to a sporting event, at a school raffle, date to be mutually agreed. Whilst the donor was named on the prize details, we didn’t know who they were other than a school parent. Turns out they are very influential at school. They were pointed out to me at at school event so I introduced myself, thanked them for the prize and we had a long chat during which he said that the prize was only nominally for 4 tickets, but we could bring more people if we wanted. There is no additional cost to him. He also offered to us VIP tickets to watch the premier league football team my son supports and to which he has links. I was to email him after the holidays. I duly emailed with our availability and got no response. After 6 weeks I messaged his wife (who I also didn’t know)to check he’d got the email. 3 weeks later he emailed pointing out that our date of preference was a school event, which I’d overlooked. I immediately replied with alternative dates. Heard nothing for 3 months whereupon he emailed 3 days before one of the dates I’d given (the other 2 dates had passed) saying we could go in 3 days. having not heard from him I hadn’t kept the date free. I emailed back and said we couldn’t go and provided alternative dates. A date was confirmed and he asked how many tickets we wanted, so I replied that we’d like 8, 4 adults and 4 children. He has just replied that normally he only gives 4, ‘but on this occasion’.

Im really embarrassed and feel like a scolded teenager. I would never have asked for 8 tickets if he hadn’t offered. I’m actually not sure I want to go at all now. I’ve had to chase this man from the outset to get the tickets he donated to a raffle and now he’s told me off for asking for additional tickets that he offered. It just feel like he’s lording over the peasants.
Would you
A) still take the 8 tickets and go(he will be there)
B) email back “Hi x , I’m quite embarrassed. I wouldn’t have asked for 8 tickets if you hadn’t offered additional tickets when we spoke. 4 is fine thank you”
C) email back “Hi x, I’m quite embarrassed. I wouldn’t have asked for 8 tickets if you hadn’t offered additional tickets when we spoke. This all feels a bit uncomfortable now, so we are going to politely decline the tickets. I hope you enjoy the event”.
For context non VIP tickets to watch this event aren’t like gold dust and don’t cost the earth; we usually go as a family a couple of times a year anyway.

URBU- just take the 8 tickets and go
URNBU- politely give the tickets back.

OP posts:
CleansUpButWouldPreferNotTo · 28/01/2024 11:13

Will you have the actual tickets, or will he be leaving your name at the gate? If so can he be relied on to follow through?

MissSookieStackhouse · 28/01/2024 11:11

B

Avatartar · 28/01/2024 11:08

OP i’d reply with “when I saw you at xx you said I could invite others ( or whatever he said). If this option is no longer available, please let me know and I’ll cancel the other invites”
he should feel embarrassed not you. He’s not doing you a favour and you’re not scrounging. You won a prize and he widened the Number of recipients of that prize. This is all on him being unclear and slow to respond making it all much more complicated and uncomfortable than it should be.

Turkishcoffee · 28/01/2024 11:08

Sodndashitall · 28/01/2024 08:41

Just say sorry for misunderstanding as you thought he'd offered some extra and that you're more than happy with 4

This is what I would do. Very reasonable.

honeylulu · 28/01/2024 11:07

It sounds like crossed wires. I can see why doubling the number might have come across as cheeky but equally his poor communication style which didn't make it absolutely clear what he DID mean is to blame.

I'd do B. Take the tickets and go but say in your message that you're happy to drop back to 4 if 8 is a problem as there might be a misunderstanding from your conversation about the criteria for requesting extra tickets.

If you win the prize again in future put it back in the raffle so someone else can "experience the benefit" but discreetly warn the winner that pinning down a date/arrangements might take some effort.

OrlandointheWilderness · 28/01/2024 11:06

Bloody hell, he's probably incredibly busy and your tickets may be very far down the list! Yes it's not ideal, but asking for double was bloody cheeky and quite frankly if you think so rudely of him you shouldn't be having anything off him.
Someone comes out badly here. It's not him - the guy who offered a good raffle prize, negotiated dates to fit and offered extra tickets.

Fingeronthebutton · 28/01/2024 11:04

I’d say, oh, sorry I’d forgotten you had mentioned that when we met

Whoopaday · 28/01/2024 11:03

A, your kids will enjoy it. They sound like entitled self unaware people they won’t change if you say you’re not going as you’re embarrassed, it won’t even register on their radar or put them out.

Fionaville · 28/01/2024 11:02

W0tnow · 28/01/2024 07:45

Option D. Go. Thank him on the day and remind him that he did offer the extra tickets.

This

JarvisRocker · 28/01/2024 11:01

I really don’t understand the posters saying you were cheeky or greedy to ask for 8 tickets. You asked, he said yes. He could have said no, that’s down to him.

The situation and lack of communication sounds frustrating. Also, there are your feelings around this family’s position in the school. But that’s a whole layer of context that can be put aside for now.

Do you want to go? If so, go. There’s nothing grabby or embarrassing about asking for the extra tickets. Just confirm the date, say thank you and enjoy your day.

aztecbird · 28/01/2024 11:00

I'd just say something like 'oh sorry! Thought you said it was easy to bring others along...but no problem if not? 4 is great and we're looking fwd to it. Thanks again!'.

ButterflyVase · 28/01/2024 10:53

He is probably a bit irritated.
You booked a school event date and needed him to point it out.
You greedily asked for four more tickets instead of one or two extra.
You made a passive aggressive comment about not holding unconfirmed dates. There are other ways of wording this. I would have just said, ‘Ah sorry! I can’t do those dates any more as we are now busy’ and left it at that.

He was rude for not replying. Many people are like this nowadays.
You resent his ‘influence’ so this is colouring your response.

I would just ask for four tickets one last time, and get on with your life. He is not giving you a second thought so stop thinking about this too much.

autienotnaughty · 28/01/2024 10:53

I would message back and say "sorry we have crossed wires. Last time we spoke you offered extra tickets? If things have changed and it needs to be four then that's fine "

TheYearOfSmallThings · 28/01/2024 10:51

I would go, and enjoy it, and say thank you, and make a mental note for the future that he is full of talk but slow to deliver.

Original poster
Thecurtainsdontmeet · 28/01/2024 10:46

I’m absolutely not!

OP posts:
Workwhat · 28/01/2024 10:46

I'd do c. But I can't stand people like that and wouldn't want to be anywhere near him.

Maybe b if you want to go.

Original poster
Thecurtainsdontmeet · 28/01/2024 10:46

@MabelWotsits take the point that I shouldn’t have asked for 8, but do you honestly think it’s ok behaviour to offer a prize and then repeatedly not respond to the winner?

OP posts:
Original poster
Thecurtainsdontmeet · 28/01/2024 10:43

If they are donated by him I absolutely will!!

OP posts:
MabelWotsits · 28/01/2024 10:43

Thecurtainsdontmeet · 28/01/2024 10:39

@muckcook i think this family could make The King feel small, and there are plenty at school who would agree.

You seem a bit in awe if them.

Just go and enjoy it. Asking for 8 tickets was a massive piss take. He's done nothing wrong.

rookiemere · 28/01/2024 10:41

You're overthinking this OP.
Just go along with your 8 tickets and your head held high.

He sounds like a difficult man, who has a high opinion of himself.Regardless of if you go or not, I suspect he has mentally pegged you - rightly or wrongly- as a CF, so you may as well enjoy your prize winning.

I suggest if you win something like this again, put the tickets back "for someone else to enjoy".

Muchof · 28/01/2024 10:40

AnotherCountryMummy · 28/01/2024 07:48

He seems a bit disorganised. But I also wouldn't have asked for double the initial amount - I'd imagine it was more of an offer for extra tickets if you're a family of 5 rather than 4, for example. Not bring 4 extra people.

Agree with this OP. I think asking for eight tickets was a bit much and frankly if you have that level of cheek, I am sure you can front this out. I also think he meant if there was an extra child, not for you to bring another family as you appear to have done.

Original poster
Thecurtainsdontmeet · 28/01/2024 10:39

@muckcook i think this family could make The King feel small, and there are plenty at school who would agree.

OP posts:
Original poster
Thecurtainsdontmeet · 28/01/2024 10:35

@StockpotSoup that’s one way of looking at it :)

OP posts:
Original poster
Thecurtainsdontmeet · 28/01/2024 10:33

@nocalorieleftbehind although in the context of the conversation we had asking for 8 didn’t seem unreasonable, I take your point and that of several others that it was cheeky- learning point for me.

i don’t have a chip on my shoulder about his (or anyone elses) wealth or status- I’m extremely comfortable with myself and my own very fortunate place in life. I resent that his fundraising/donations (which are sometimes 6 figures) give his family unelected privileges in the school. The parents of One year group were significantly out of pocket last due to an event dreamed up by his wife and presented as a fait accompli at the parents meeting- they weren’t even told how much it cost until it was all booked; just presented with bank details to transfer to the money!!! Nobody dares to say no.

and no, I didn’t purposefully double book. I forgot about the first school event. I don’t hold unconfirmed dates free for anyone- we are a busy family with lots of sporting activities at the weekend. If someone doesn’t confirm a date I don’t hold it. I don’t have capacity to hold 3 weekends free for 3 months in case someone feels like getting back to me. If it’s important I’ll chase for an answer- in this case that would have felt rude.

OP posts:
StockpotSoup · 28/01/2024 10:31

Thecurtainsdontmeet · 28/01/2024 09:12

@NaughtybutNice77 after the 72hr notice email (having given dates 3 months previously) I emailed ‘I don’t hold unconfirmed dates’.
he definitely owns the tickets.
of course he doesn’t remember the conversation….im a ‘little’ person of no importance. I’ve almost had to beg to get the tickets.
im just very glad I didn’t mention the football tickets to my son. If you don’t plan on following through with grand gestures, just don’t make them.

Frankly you sound like an entitled little princess. You’re throwing a strop because you’ve had to chase up something you were getting for free. You’ve asked for double your initial allocation - and you got it. And it’s STILL not good enough!

only a certain type of entitled person thinks they can ignore an email for months and then click their fingers and watch you jump into action.

FFS, he missed the original email, you chased it up, and now it’s sorted - with four extra tickets into the bargain. You seem to feel you should have been feted as a VIP, whereas in reality you are probably one of several people who’s received freebies through a raffle, charity event etc.

Go, thank him for the extra tickets, and then take a good look at your attitude.