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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To want to give this prize back after 6 months.

265 replies

Thecurtainsdontmeet · 28/01/2024 07:36

we won 4 VIP tickets to a sporting event, at a school raffle, date to be mutually agreed. Whilst the donor was named on the prize details, we didn’t know who they were other than a school parent. Turns out they are very influential at school. They were pointed out to me at at school event so I introduced myself, thanked them for the prize and we had a long chat during which he said that the prize was only nominally for 4 tickets, but we could bring more people if we wanted. There is no additional cost to him. He also offered to us VIP tickets to watch the premier league football team my son supports and to which he has links. I was to email him after the holidays. I duly emailed with our availability and got no response. After 6 weeks I messaged his wife (who I also didn’t know)to check he’d got the email. 3 weeks later he emailed pointing out that our date of preference was a school event, which I’d overlooked. I immediately replied with alternative dates. Heard nothing for 3 months whereupon he emailed 3 days before one of the dates I’d given (the other 2 dates had passed) saying we could go in 3 days. having not heard from him I hadn’t kept the date free. I emailed back and said we couldn’t go and provided alternative dates. A date was confirmed and he asked how many tickets we wanted, so I replied that we’d like 8, 4 adults and 4 children. He has just replied that normally he only gives 4, ‘but on this occasion’.

Im really embarrassed and feel like a scolded teenager. I would never have asked for 8 tickets if he hadn’t offered. I’m actually not sure I want to go at all now. I’ve had to chase this man from the outset to get the tickets he donated to a raffle and now he’s told me off for asking for additional tickets that he offered. It just feel like he’s lording over the peasants.
Would you
A) still take the 8 tickets and go(he will be there)
B) email back “Hi x , I’m quite embarrassed. I wouldn’t have asked for 8 tickets if you hadn’t offered additional tickets when we spoke. 4 is fine thank you”
C) email back “Hi x, I’m quite embarrassed. I wouldn’t have asked for 8 tickets if you hadn’t offered additional tickets when we spoke. This all feels a bit uncomfortable now, so we are going to politely decline the tickets. I hope you enjoy the event”.
For context non VIP tickets to watch this event aren’t like gold dust and don’t cost the earth; we usually go as a family a couple of times a year anyway.

URBU- just take the 8 tickets and go
URNBU- politely give the tickets back.

OP posts:
Fallenangelofthenorth · 29/01/2024 20:24

comeagainx · 28/01/2024 22:46

@ShipSpace

Billy Big Bollocks in public - dying to show off what he can do or get for people, and how much he can donate to things.

Then when no one is looking, turns out he can’t actually do anything at all.

Thank you for teaching me the phrase Billy Big Bollocks

I know many of these and will be utilising it freely.

PS: we need a similar phrase for the when noone is looking turns out he can't do anything - Sammy Small Sacks?

As in Billy Big Bollocks in public, Sammy Small Sacks in private.

Actually I've just thought of a better one Timmy Tiny Testicles.

Personally prefer Sammy Small Sacks. Has a much better ring to it...

PuddlesPityParty · 29/01/2024 20:22

ShipSpace · 29/01/2024 20:21

PuddlesPityParty is either Billy Big Bollocks or his wife

What 🤣 I’m not, but you think what you want.

ShipSpace · 29/01/2024 20:21

PuddlesPityParty is either Billy Big Bollocks or his wife

PuddlesPityParty · 29/01/2024 20:20

Thecurtainsdontmeet · 29/01/2024 20:13

@PuddlesPityParty
such a non issue could probably be applied to 90% of MN posts. I asked for advice, I got it. It’s kind of the whole point of MN.

Yeah of course. And I gave my opinion. Don’t post and then cry about the replies my love.

Thecurtainsdontmeet · 29/01/2024 20:13

@PuddlesPityParty
such a non issue could probably be applied to 90% of MN posts. I asked for advice, I got it. It’s kind of the whole point of MN.

OP posts:
PuddlesPityParty · 29/01/2024 20:05

Thecurtainsdontmeet · 29/01/2024 19:49

@PuddlesPityParty do you want to expand on that or are you just having a dull evening?

Yeah sure. You’re being pathetic. If you want to say something to the man, say it. Why are you snivelling and saying you’re soooo embarrassed when you weren’t embarrassed to ask for double amount of tickets. Grow up. If you want to go, go. It you don’t, don’t. Such a none issue.

Thecurtainsdontmeet · 29/01/2024 19:49

@PuddlesPityParty do you want to expand on that or are you just having a dull evening?

OP posts:
PuddlesPityParty · 29/01/2024 19:32

OP I’m really sorry but you sound pathetic.

Anneta · 29/01/2024 19:26

Please do update us as to whether you are going or not! 🤣🤣🤣

Lollipop81 · 29/01/2024 19:25

B

Christmaslights21 · 29/01/2024 19:15

I’m with you OP. He sounds like an arsehole. I’d remind him he offered more tickets-then tell him where to shove them.

Lilacanemone · 29/01/2024 19:09

*I wouldn’t have asked for 8 tickets if you hadn’t offered additional tickets when we spoke, but thanks, they are much appreciated.”
Then go and forget him. You won the four in a raffle, he offered more, he took forever to respond and made you feel like it was a huge favour after originally being over generous. He is the one who should be embarrassed.

Poppingmad123 · 29/01/2024 19:04

I would go with A if I didn’t want to initiate in any more back and forth conversation. Sounds exhausting as it is & more hassle than it’s worth.

But if you do want to engage, then I’d casually reply, “Hi <prick> you did say it was ok to bring more people when we last spoke but if numbers is an issue now, I’m happy to stick to the original 4 - whatever is easiest for you, thanks a lot, really looking forward to it”.

Jook · 29/01/2024 18:50

C

Patronising twonk.

Mummadeze · 29/01/2024 18:36

I would just thank him for giving you 8 on this occasion and go and enjoy it. I think you are being over sensitive. I also would have chased with more emails than you did prior when you didn’t hear anything.

Gagaandgag · 29/01/2024 18:27

Go and forget about him

JarvisRocker · 29/01/2024 02:39

SuperDopper · 28/01/2024 21:34

So an offer to bring more people is unlimited in number? OP can ask for another 10? 20? 50?

We live our lives by not taking advantage of other people’s offers.

Well, yes. OP can ask for any amount. It’s down to the person to say yes or no. Asking for anything is totally fine. It’s not taking advantage in the slightest to ask for things. Other people have agency.

comeagainx · 28/01/2024 22:46

@ShipSpace

Billy Big Bollocks in public - dying to show off what he can do or get for people, and how much he can donate to things.

Then when no one is looking, turns out he can’t actually do anything at all.

Thank you for teaching me the phrase Billy Big Bollocks

I know many of these and will be utilising it freely.

PS: we need a similar phrase for the when noone is looking turns out he can't do anything - Sammy Small Sacks?

As in Billy Big Bollocks in public, Sammy Small Sacks in private.

Actually I've just thought of a better one Timmy Tiny Testicles.

Jk8 · 28/01/2024 22:43

Thecurtainsdontmeet · 28/01/2024 20:19

@waterrat in his last correspondence he simply asked ‘how many tickets would you like’ . He didn’t say ‘the prize was for 4 , do you need a couple of extra tickets’ his very open ended question confirmed to me that his original offer was genuine……I take on board that almost everyone has said I’m a CF, and I’ve certainly learned a lesson, but I genuinely don’t understand people who offer stuff they have no intention of following through with.

It's more the fact that people offer things they don't necessarily expect to be held to I'd say especially if they dont value it at the time but theres nothing you can do now so just try to have fun

FatherJackHackettsUnderpantsHamper · 28/01/2024 22:41

JarvisRocker · 28/01/2024 20:28

It’s not polite to offer something when you done mean it. That’s really rude.

No, I agree. Maybe it's one of those things where we Brits traditionally assume we're being superior by pretending to be nice and expect everybody to know that we aren't really?!

I've heard people speak negatively about German or Dutch people, with their 'crime' being that they actually say exactly what they wish to convey to you, with no confusion or ambiguity!

FunOverload · 28/01/2024 22:21

I would go.

I don't quite understand what has embarrassed you though.
He reiterated that he usually only gives 4 tickets but is being nice allowing you a few more tickets on this occasion.

How's it embarrassing?

Thecurtainsdontmeet · 28/01/2024 22:04

@OvxvO my ‘curt’ response was 6 months after the raffle and the conversation, so no, I don’t think it was that.

OP posts:
OvxvO · 28/01/2024 21:57

Sorry I've posted under two different names by mistake!

OvxvO · 28/01/2024 21:56

Thecurtainsdontmeet · 28/01/2024 20:50

@ChiefWiggumsBoy there are no premiership football tickets. They were verbally offered with no follow up and despite what some on this thread might think I’m not a proficient enough CF to ask for those. It was a hollow offer- I completely see that now.

Do you think it might have been your curt response that made him change your mind?
Or do the timings not add up.

Atethehalloweenchocs · 28/01/2024 21:36

Option B

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