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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To want to give this prize back after 6 months.

265 replies

Thecurtainsdontmeet · 28/01/2024 07:36

we won 4 VIP tickets to a sporting event, at a school raffle, date to be mutually agreed. Whilst the donor was named on the prize details, we didn’t know who they were other than a school parent. Turns out they are very influential at school. They were pointed out to me at at school event so I introduced myself, thanked them for the prize and we had a long chat during which he said that the prize was only nominally for 4 tickets, but we could bring more people if we wanted. There is no additional cost to him. He also offered to us VIP tickets to watch the premier league football team my son supports and to which he has links. I was to email him after the holidays. I duly emailed with our availability and got no response. After 6 weeks I messaged his wife (who I also didn’t know)to check he’d got the email. 3 weeks later he emailed pointing out that our date of preference was a school event, which I’d overlooked. I immediately replied with alternative dates. Heard nothing for 3 months whereupon he emailed 3 days before one of the dates I’d given (the other 2 dates had passed) saying we could go in 3 days. having not heard from him I hadn’t kept the date free. I emailed back and said we couldn’t go and provided alternative dates. A date was confirmed and he asked how many tickets we wanted, so I replied that we’d like 8, 4 adults and 4 children. He has just replied that normally he only gives 4, ‘but on this occasion’.

Im really embarrassed and feel like a scolded teenager. I would never have asked for 8 tickets if he hadn’t offered. I’m actually not sure I want to go at all now. I’ve had to chase this man from the outset to get the tickets he donated to a raffle and now he’s told me off for asking for additional tickets that he offered. It just feel like he’s lording over the peasants.
Would you
A) still take the 8 tickets and go(he will be there)
B) email back “Hi x , I’m quite embarrassed. I wouldn’t have asked for 8 tickets if you hadn’t offered additional tickets when we spoke. 4 is fine thank you”
C) email back “Hi x, I’m quite embarrassed. I wouldn’t have asked for 8 tickets if you hadn’t offered additional tickets when we spoke. This all feels a bit uncomfortable now, so we are going to politely decline the tickets. I hope you enjoy the event”.
For context non VIP tickets to watch this event aren’t like gold dust and don’t cost the earth; we usually go as a family a couple of times a year anyway.

URBU- just take the 8 tickets and go
URNBU- politely give the tickets back.

OP posts:
TokyoSushi · 28/01/2024 09:15

Just go, yes it's a bit weird, but if it's something you'd enjoy, don't think any more about it!

YellowDots · 28/01/2024 09:14

Don't go then. It doesn't sound like you want to be in his presence.

Thecurtainsdontmeet · 28/01/2024 09:12

@NaughtybutNice77 after the 72hr notice email (having given dates 3 months previously) I emailed ‘I don’t hold unconfirmed dates’.
he definitely owns the tickets.
of course he doesn’t remember the conversation….im a ‘little’ person of no importance. I’ve almost had to beg to get the tickets.
im just very glad I didn’t mention the football tickets to my son. If you don’t plan on following through with grand gestures, just don’t make them.

OP posts:
Waystation · 28/01/2024 09:08

@SoupDragon - you have made me think again - I should have clarified - if the cover was for immediate family I would be fine about doubling the number - however the OP said four adults so I suspect it was an additional family so in that case I would think it was rude BUT you are quite right my thinking that was wrong given the offer was made - I will be sure when offering extra tickets in future to clarify it’s for additional family/group members only.

OneCornetto · 28/01/2024 09:08

I would do A on the grounds that it's the least annoying and will take up less of his time.

All of this correspondence is crazy. Just go to it now.

Doubling the number of tickets was a mistake but I'd just power through now.

shivermetimbers77 · 28/01/2024 09:08

A- just go and enjoy yourselves.

maddening · 28/01/2024 09:07

A

CaineRaine · 28/01/2024 09:04

I think you’re as much in the wrong here as he was, I’d be very surprised if he anticipated you doubling the prize. I’d just reply apologising for any mid-understanding as he’d said you could invite others but happy to stick to 4 if it’s an issue.

NaughtybutNice77 · 28/01/2024 09:00

I don't think you've been 'told off' and you would be cutting off your nose (and 7 others) to spite your face, however I wouldn't hold my breath.
It's possible this guy talks to many people and doesn't really remember you, hence the comment about 8 tickets. It could also just be 'banter' as in "well, not sure about that. Oh go on then beings it's you" type thing....or even that he really isn't supposed to give out extras (ie they're not his).
Personally seems like you're over thinking things. Do make it clear tho that you're unlikely to be able to go at short notice. You might find that if you've declined several dates the gift is obsolete

MinaM · 28/01/2024 09:00

I wouldn't have asked for 8 so B or C

Thecurtainsdontmeet · 28/01/2024 08:55

@macedoniann he DOES have a PA. Probably more than 1.

OP posts:
HalloumiGeller · 28/01/2024 08:55

I wouldn't have asked for double the tickets, regardless of whether he offered them or not as it looks grabby.

I'd personally turn up with just 4 of you as originally planned.

Thecurtainsdontmeet · 28/01/2024 08:53

@rookiemere was going to feed back to the raffle organisers…….its his wife.
can’t feed back to school either as they have fingers in every pie.

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 28/01/2024 08:52

Waystation · 28/01/2024 08:36

We normally offer something similar at a local fundraising event - cover for four people - we have occasionally added additional covers if we are aware it’s a bigger family\group however requesting double the allocated tickets was rude. I have to be honest if someone did this to me I would be calling them a CF.

Edit to add - he was also rude to not answer your emails

Edited

So, if without being asked you told someone they could bring more people if they liked you'd think they were a CF for asking to do just that? That's weird and rude!

saltnvini · 28/01/2024 08:49

Just go and get it over and done with

Fallenangelofthenorth · 28/01/2024 08:48

C. I'd feel the same as you and would rather buy my own tickets than have to chase multiple times for freebies that are given begrudgingly. How on earth were you to know that when he said you coupd have more than 4 tickets he didn't actually mean that? And he couldn't even be arsed to give you the 4 in any case you annoying peasant. Nah, fuck that shit, just buy your own.

Thecurtainsdontmeet · 28/01/2024 08:46

Thanks everyone.
I’m not sure I’d be brave enough for option D!
and with regard to asking for ‘double’ the number of tickets; within the context of the conversation it wasnt cheeky….he didn’t say ‘how many kids do you have, I’ll make it a family ticket’ it was ‘there is plenty of space, bring who you like ….except on this one date’.

OP posts:
Hollyhead · 28/01/2024 08:44

B, definitely go, but I’d remind him he offered!

Sodndashitall · 28/01/2024 08:41

Just say sorry for misunderstanding as you thought he'd offered some extra and that you're more than happy with 4

clpsmum · 28/01/2024 08:39

ZekeZeke · 28/01/2024 07:39

Take the tickets and go
Don't cut off your nose to spite your face.

This

Waystation · 28/01/2024 08:36

We normally offer something similar at a local fundraising event - cover for four people - we have occasionally added additional covers if we are aware it’s a bigger family\group however requesting double the allocated tickets was rude. I have to be honest if someone did this to me I would be calling them a CF.

Edit to add - he was also rude to not answer your emails

rookiemere · 28/01/2024 08:36

I would just go with A.
I totally understand what you're saying, but no good will come of stirring it up.
It might be worth letting the raffle organisers know discretely about his slowness in responding and they can decide if they want to include that prize next year.

Hillrunning · 28/01/2024 08:21

Dear God, don't say your are embarrassed! (I too would not have added quite so many extras and would have certainly checked/reminded him of the offer at the same time as asking)

Just respond saying thanks. Go and have a good time. With 8 of you going, you won't have to interact with him much. Busy yourself enjoying the time with the children.

macedoniann · 28/01/2024 08:20

B. I mean. He didn't directly say it, but IMO he sort of meant extra for you own family. e.g. if 4 wasn't enough for all of you.
Not to invite a whole other family and ask for double the number!

Honestly I don't see him as lording it over I do think he didn't expect you to ask for THAT many. Maybe one or two extra. 'He did offer' is by the by, obviously there's a somewhat socially acceptable number as you wouldn't ask for, say, 20 extra tickets. Double the initial amount is too much.

His disorganisation notwithstanding doesn't he have a PA to handle this being so busy and important? hmphh

OldBeyondMyYears · 28/01/2024 08:19

A)

Just go ffs!

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