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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think it’s rude not to respond?

92 replies

billiesunset · 27/01/2024 14:23

Organising a meet up with the four women I went to uni with (not seen each other as a group since covid). It’s taken ages to find a date that works - but one didn’t bother to even acknowledge the suggestion of a meet up and never read the texts.

She did respond before the suggestion of the meet up to give us a life update etc

And just to say she of course doesn’t have to come (evidence suggests she doesn’t want to) but to blatantly ignore the messages I think is a pretty shitty thing to do. Aibu?

OP posts:
Original poster
billiesunset · 27/01/2024 15:23

Strugglingtodomybest · 27/01/2024 15:19

Thanks for clarifying OP.

My opinion now that I realise it's a group WhatsApp is that it's not that rude to not reply. I see group chat messages as just that - a group chat, so if the group are chatting about something that doesn't interest me, I don't join in.

Also, she may be thinking about her reply still. Maybe she wants to come, but can't afford it? Maybe she wants to come but was planning to do something else that weekend and now she needs to see if she can rearrange that first? There are so many reasons why she may be taking her time to reply. Try not to jump straight for the most negative reason (ie she's just rude).

Maybe, I guess I’ll just leave it for now until the restaurant booking needs to be made.

OP posts:
Strugglingtodomybest · 27/01/2024 15:19

Thanks for clarifying OP.

My opinion now that I realise it's a group WhatsApp is that it's not that rude to not reply. I see group chat messages as just that - a group chat, so if the group are chatting about something that doesn't interest me, I don't join in.

Also, she may be thinking about her reply still. Maybe she wants to come, but can't afford it? Maybe she wants to come but was planning to do something else that weekend and now she needs to see if she can rearrange that first? There are so many reasons why she may be taking her time to reply. Try not to jump straight for the most negative reason (ie she's just rude).

notjustthe · 27/01/2024 15:13

so for the past 4 years you have exchanged one message… her life update?

notjustthe · 27/01/2024 15:12

oh it will give you something to talk about when you get together with the three 🤷‍♀️

Original poster
billiesunset · 27/01/2024 15:06

alwaysmovingforwards · 27/01/2024 14:58

@billiesunset

Your OP said but one didn’t bother to even acknowledge the suggestion of a meet up and never read the texts.

Now you're saying she did read them.

Confusing...

It’s not confusing.

Suggestion of a meet up was made and she read that. All subsequent messages afterwards, dates, location, places etc she’s just left on delivered.

OP posts:
Redglitter · 27/01/2024 15:02

I would message her directly. She may have archived the group chat. If you archive chats you need to change the settings so that if you get a message it moves it to your inbox. I discovered the hard way. She's probably totally oblivious to the message being there

I'd message her and if you get no response then you've tried but I'd put money on her just never having been notified she has a message

alwaysmovingforwards · 27/01/2024 14:58

@billiesunset

Your OP said but one didn’t bother to even acknowledge the suggestion of a meet up and never read the texts.

Now you're saying she did read them.

Confusing...

OriginalUsername2 · 27/01/2024 14:58

She probably doesn’t fancy it and is thinking on how to say that without you wondering if she is rude!

Blanketpolicy · 27/01/2024 14:58

Why not send her a private text message and ask if everything ok? Tell her its fine if she isnt into or cant meet up right now, but you are just checking in on her as concerned.

If she ignores that, leave her be. Don't assume she is rude, perhaps she just has other things going on right now.

Original poster
billiesunset · 27/01/2024 14:57

Serendipity888 · 27/01/2024 14:53

We went to a wedding 9 months ago. On the wedding invitations, there was a bit at the bottom about how they'd appreciate money towards their honeymoon instead of a gift. The couple ended up choosing not to go on a honeymoon and no thank you notes were ever sent to any of the guests. I'm not bothered if they went on honeymoon or not, but AIBU to think that a note of thanks would have been polite or is that not the done thing anymore?

Did you mean to start your own thread?

Thank You notes are personal preference. I didn’t get one for the last wedding, but the one before I did with a photo.

OP posts:
Original poster
billiesunset · 27/01/2024 14:55

VisionsOfSplendour · 27/01/2024 14:52

It did confuse me, to me that are totally different things, if I send a text I have no idea if it's been received never mind read

But either way your friends just not into the meet up

Show quote history

Which again is obviously fine, I wouldn’t want to force someone. My aibu is more around that she can’t even acknowledge it.

OP posts:
catelynjane · 27/01/2024 14:55

billiesunset · 27/01/2024 14:54

I don’t think she has. She responded to it at Christmas and she read the message about meeting up - just no messages after that.

Show quote history

But that doesn't mean she hasn't muted it since the last time she responded.

I often mute group chats otherwise the notifications never bloody stop.

Original poster
billiesunset · 27/01/2024 14:54

alwaysmovingforwards · 27/01/2024 14:53

She's obviously muted / archived the group chat, not uncommon.

Just send her a text saying "hey, we're chatting about a meet date up on the WhatsApp group if you fancy it".

I don’t think she has. She responded to it at Christmas and she read the message about meeting up - just no messages after that.

OP posts:
Original poster
billiesunset · 27/01/2024 14:53

ThinWomansBrain · 27/01/2024 14:49

I think it's probably time to accept that many close friendships or friendship groups drift apart as people progress and life paths vary.
Part of growing up (or getting old)

Oh yeah of course, I’ve had friends come and go and it is part of life.

It’s just a shame that even a lunch for old time sake is something she won’t do. As opposed to seeing each other on a regular basis etc

OP posts:
alwaysmovingforwards · 27/01/2024 14:53

She's obviously muted / archived the group chat, not uncommon.

Just send her a text saying "hey, we're chatting about a meet date up on the WhatsApp group if you fancy it".

Serendipity888 · 27/01/2024 14:53

We went to a wedding 9 months ago. On the wedding invitations, there was a bit at the bottom about how they'd appreciate money towards their honeymoon instead of a gift. The couple ended up choosing not to go on a honeymoon and no thank you notes were ever sent to any of the guests. I'm not bothered if they went on honeymoon or not, but AIBU to think that a note of thanks would have been polite or is that not the done thing anymore?

VisionsOfSplendour · 27/01/2024 14:52

billiesunset · 27/01/2024 14:42

I just use texts/messages/WhatsApp interchangeably - appreciate it might have caused confusion.

All messages sent have been through the group WhatsApp. It’s definitely her correct number.

Show quote history

It did confuse me, to me that are totally different things, if I send a text I have no idea if it's been received never mind read

But either way your friends just not into the meet up

Original poster
billiesunset · 27/01/2024 14:50

BigPokeyOne · 27/01/2024 14:29

YANBU OP, it's rude.

Thanks. Just feel a bit deflated - if that’s the right word? We all lived together, I even went to college with her. So it’s just sad that she cant even put in the effort to say no.

Oh well hopefully the four of us still go 😊

OP posts:
ThinWomansBrain · 27/01/2024 14:49

I think it's probably time to accept that many close friendships or friendship groups drift apart as people progress and life paths vary.
Part of growing up (or getting old)

HeddaGarbled · 27/01/2024 14:49

When you leave university, there is always one person from a friendship group who loved uni life so much, they hang on and hang on to the friendship group. Eventually, the rest of the group gradually drift away, especially when they meet partners, have children, or create an even better friendship group in their new lives.

In the early stages of this process, there’s resistance and anger from the chief hangers-on directed towards the early drifters, and new partners who weren’t part of the original group.

If you’re lucky, and you behave well, you may be able to maintain some of the friendships.

notjustthe · 27/01/2024 14:44

and you can see she doesn’t see them

this is baffling

and then throw in the other thread

and m beginning to think 🤔

Original poster
billiesunset · 27/01/2024 14:42

VisionsOfSplendour · 27/01/2024 14:40

So no texts? It's a little confusing

Show quote history

I just use texts/messages/WhatsApp interchangeably - appreciate it might have caused confusion.

All messages sent have been through the group WhatsApp. It’s definitely her correct number.

OP posts:
Original poster
billiesunset · 27/01/2024 14:41

ThinWomansBrain · 27/01/2024 14:31

Just exclude her and move on?

I hope this happens - not the excluding part but I’m a bit conscious she might suddenly message later on saying she can’t do that date and we then can’t find another one that works and so it just doesn’t happen.

Like I said previously, she’s very flakey and I think even if she said yes there’s still a big chance she’d pull out last minute.

It’s a shame as it would be lovely to all be together as we all lived together and last time we met up was at one of their weddings and we had such a good time.

OP posts:
VisionsOfSplendour · 27/01/2024 14:40

billiesunset · 27/01/2024 14:38

All of this is through WhatsApp.

Show quote history

So no texts? It's a little confusing

Original poster
billiesunset · 27/01/2024 14:38

VisionsOfSplendour · 27/01/2024 14:37

Why are you sending texts and WhatsApps, thats a recipe for confusion , why not stick to one method if communicating?

All of this is through WhatsApp.

OP posts: