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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think it’s rude not to respond?

92 replies

billiesunset · 27/01/2024 14:23

Organising a meet up with the four women I went to uni with (not seen each other as a group since covid). It’s taken ages to find a date that works - but one didn’t bother to even acknowledge the suggestion of a meet up and never read the texts.

She did respond before the suggestion of the meet up to give us a life update etc

And just to say she of course doesn’t have to come (evidence suggests she doesn’t want to) but to blatantly ignore the messages I think is a pretty shitty thing to do. Aibu?

OP posts:
Original poster
billiesunset · 27/01/2024 16:16

GreyCarpet · 27/01/2024 16:10

Tbh, I wouldn't think it was rude for someone not to respond.

I've been in WhatsApp group chats and someone will message suggesting an activity/meet up/gig or whatever. The ones who want to do it respond and the ones who don't just ignore it. Otherwise the conversation gets cluttered with, "No, sorry. Can't make it," and I always think, "Just ignore it then. Why reply?"

Horses for courses n all.

I think that would apply to groups that meet up some what regularly and are large.

I have another group chat where we all live closeish to each other and there’s four of us. So if someone suggested something it would be rude to not say no thanks. But I was asking 8+ people for example then I wouldn’t necessarily expect a response from all of them.

OP posts:
alwaysmovingforwards · 27/01/2024 16:15

notjustthe · 27/01/2024 16:06

this just keeps getting odder and odder

Agreed.
It's weird.

Original poster
billiesunset · 27/01/2024 16:12

bradpittsbathwater · 27/01/2024 16:04

I'd probably ignore plans to meet up 6 months in advance too

That was literally the only date we could land on unfortunately. There was always a clash until we found a date that worked.

We started off looking at dates from April, as we’ll be travelling and just nicer to do that when it’s not dark early:

OP posts:
GreyCarpet · 27/01/2024 16:10

Tbh, I wouldn't think it was rude for someone not to respond.

I've been in WhatsApp group chats and someone will message suggesting an activity/meet up/gig or whatever. The ones who want to do it respond and the ones who don't just ignore it. Otherwise the conversation gets cluttered with, "No, sorry. Can't make it," and I always think, "Just ignore it then. Why reply?"

Horses for courses n all.

notjustthe · 27/01/2024 16:06

this just keeps getting odder and odder

notjustthe · 27/01/2024 16:05

billiesunset · 27/01/2024 15:56

No .. but I think it’s more of a I don’t want to put pressure on her? If that makes sense. It’s not until the summer and I even checked the restaurant on how early they can take bookings and it’s not until April. So maybe then is the time to ask.

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wtaf

this lunch is in the…. summer??? and you’ve been blowing up the messaging group about dates??

bradpittsbathwater · 27/01/2024 16:04

I'd probably ignore plans to meet up 6 months in advance too

Strugglingtodomybest · 27/01/2024 15:59

billiesunset · 27/01/2024 15:40

Yeah which again is not the issue. Who wants to force someone to have lunch with them? Not enjoyable for either person.

My issue is and as the title says I think it’s rude to just ignore.

Show quote history

Would you still consider it rude not to reply if you subsequently found out that the reason she hadn't replied is because she was in hospital or her mother died or something equally life-changing?

Original poster
billiesunset · 27/01/2024 15:57

Wemetatascoutcamp · 27/01/2024 15:54

My daughter recently mentioned she’d missed some whatsapp messages as her phone is running out of storage so it had “offloaded” whatsapp without her noticing- this meant she didn’t get any notifications about new messages. She doesn’t use whatsapp very often (hence why her phone offloaded it)- person messaging her said they were showing as being delivered so could this be the same situation?

Maybe? I think I’ll do as my most recent post and wait until things need to actually be booked and then reach out.

OP posts:
Original poster
billiesunset · 27/01/2024 15:56

kitsuneghost · 27/01/2024 15:48

Have you tried texting 'read your WhatsApp' I never read WhatsApp so someone always needs to give me some nudge if there is meet up info

No .. but I think it’s more of a I don’t want to put pressure on her? If that makes sense. It’s not until the summer and I even checked the restaurant on how early they can take bookings and it’s not until April. So maybe then is the time to ask.

OP posts:
Wemetatascoutcamp · 27/01/2024 15:54

My daughter recently mentioned she’d missed some whatsapp messages as her phone is running out of storage so it had “offloaded” whatsapp without her noticing- this meant she didn’t get any notifications about new messages. She doesn’t use whatsapp very often (hence why her phone offloaded it)- person messaging her said they were showing as being delivered so could this be the same situation?

TinyTyrantsSnackb1tch · 27/01/2024 15:54

notjustthe · 27/01/2024 15:44

oh good point!

with this thread and the other - the OP doesn’t sound a happy bunny

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Definitely doesn't sound like a very good friend either going by these 2 dodgy posts and her double standards of doing the exact thing she's whining about 😂

notjustthe · 27/01/2024 15:50

kitsuneghost · 27/01/2024 15:48

Have you tried texting 'read your WhatsApp' I never read WhatsApp so someone always needs to give me some nudge if there is meet up info

or even, gasp, calling them

kitsuneghost · 27/01/2024 15:48

Have you tried texting 'read your WhatsApp' I never read WhatsApp so someone always needs to give me some nudge if there is meet up info

notjustthe · 27/01/2024 15:44

TinyTyrantsSnackb1tch · 27/01/2024 15:42

Guessing OP is bored and both this and the other thread where its 6 mates are just absolute nonsense.

It's funny how you're complaining about someone not acknowledging your message, yet every single post on here that mentions your other thread you've ignored... double standards much?

oh good point!

with this thread and the other - the OP doesn’t sound a happy bunny

notjustthe · 27/01/2024 15:43

billiesunset · 27/01/2024 15:40

Yeah which again is not the issue. Who wants to force someone to have lunch with them? Not enjoyable for either person.

My issue is and as the title says I think it’s rude to just ignore.

Show quote history

op

other than the life update she sent the group
how much contact have you had with this person over the last 4/5 years?

TinyTyrantsSnackb1tch · 27/01/2024 15:42

Guessing OP is bored and both this and the other thread where its 6 mates are just absolute nonsense.

It's funny how you're complaining about someone not acknowledging your message, yet every single post on here that mentions your other thread you've ignored... double standards much?

Original poster
billiesunset · 27/01/2024 15:40

GreyCarpet · 27/01/2024 15:34

She doesn't want to meet. For whatever reason she just isn't interested.

Show quote history

Yeah which again is not the issue. Who wants to force someone to have lunch with them? Not enjoyable for either person.

My issue is and as the title says I think it’s rude to just ignore.

OP posts:
ImFckingMattDamon · 27/01/2024 15:35

Is she at a different life stage to you all? With a young family, or perhaps moved away? I used to meet up often with my uni girls but it's been a few years now (last time for me was a wedding actually) and although it's talked about sometimes it never seems to happen. A few of them still live in the same area and have older primary children whereas I moved a couple of hours away and have a four year old, so they have much more regular contact with eachother without me.

It's just never at the forefront of my mind, there was talk of a meet up this spring last October but the messages petered out and I'd quite honestly forgotten about it. Life has moved on and although I'm interested in their lives (via facebook) I'm not really overly bothered about meeting up anymore as my life is here now. Sounds horrible but that's just the way I feel. Maybe she feels similar?

GreyCarpet · 27/01/2024 15:34

billiesunset · 27/01/2024 14:54

I don’t think she has. She responded to it at Christmas and she read the message about meeting up - just no messages after that.

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She doesn't want to meet. For whatever reason she just isn't interested.

pikkumyy77 · 27/01/2024 15:32

f

notjustthe · 27/01/2024 15:32

billiesunset · 27/01/2024 15:23

Maybe, I guess I’ll just leave it for now until the restaurant booking needs to be made.

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how far in the future is this meet up?

GreyCarpet · 27/01/2024 15:32

HeddaGarbled · 27/01/2024 14:49

When you leave university, there is always one person from a friendship group who loved uni life so much, they hang on and hang on to the friendship group. Eventually, the rest of the group gradually drift away, especially when they meet partners, have children, or create an even better friendship group in their new lives.

In the early stages of this process, there’s resistance and anger from the chief hangers-on directed towards the early drifters, and new partners who weren’t part of the original group.

If you’re lucky, and you behave well, you may be able to maintain some of the friendships.

This!

Sounds tp e like she's got the group chat muted or archived so she doesn't see it's been updated.

She doesn't want to meet but equally doesn't want to actively 'fall out'. Maybe this is a dynamic within the group she's experienced before.

Starting two threads almost simultaneously about someone not reading coffee meet up messages seems a bit OTT. I wonder if that's a pattern.

whoscoatsthatjacket2012 · 27/01/2024 15:30

She's definitely muted or archived the chat.

Delphiniumandlupins · 27/01/2024 15:28

Why not send her one personal message, outwith the group chat? Just check she's OK and ask if the proposed date is convenient.