Kissing babies

Me too.

OP the no kissing advice is either very new or area dependent, mine are 5 and 3 and we had no such advice, including for the one born in summer 2020, so it won't be familiar to the wider family at all.

Kissing and cuddling babies is the most natural thing in the world. Don't keep loving family at a distance.

It’s very hard and a common issue really. Some in laws and my own family get cold sores but they’ve all been very careful. It's learning to trust others and see how people go. Personally I let people do the odd kiss on the head and cheeks and I feel ok with it but it was harder when he was younger. I’ve never really had to say anything. No mouth kisses but I don’t kiss on the mouth either. It gets less worrying once they grow and become more robust.

just wanted to add that when you come out with “rules” or dos and donts then people tend to respond much more badly than when you play by ear. If you do see something you don’t like then speak up but try not to come out with a long list of what people can and can’t do.

No kisses on the lips seems reasonable (my family aren't lip kissers anyway) but I don't see the problem with cheek or forehead kisses. Why don't you want people to kiss your baby? Aren't you pleased that people love her and want to demonstrate their affection?

I get how you feel OP, but I would really struggle to enforce this rule with parents/ grandparents. I would probably compromise and ask other friends/ more distant family not to, but if the grandparents were not actually unwell, I would probably just accept it.

It's a really awkward thing to make a fuss about, especially in a generation where a lot of things were very different. In my family the phrase 'well it never did me any harm!" seems to be uttered every 10 minutes. It's tiresome but truthfully one kiss from a grandparent is unlikely to harm your baby.

what a nice vibe on this message board!

you've made this comment directly after my comment and I was the only one who had commented since your last one. So I'll take it this was directed at me for saying the responses would have been different if you were talking about before 3 months. Given that I didn't say anything wrong, I am wondering if maybe you're a bit sensitive.

YABU I'd be devastated if our parents and grandparents didn't want to cuddle and kiss our children. Seems very cold and distant. It's surely a normal human reaction from family.

what a nice vibe on this message board!
That's AIBU!

Ok but not sure what you want? Us all to say yes you're right and we all feel the same way?

I didn't mind family kissing my baby at all, she's 2 now and absolutely fine, in fact I've never been bothered by germs and she has a really good immune system. But it's entirely your decision obviously

You can't ask for opinions and then get snarky when people don't 100% agree with you.

You're asking about the after 3 months though, not before 3 months. The responses would be different before 3 months.

Honestly, you are being a bit precious. And slightly hypocritical given that you are going to baby classes - many of those babies will have siblings in nursery and school, who will pass on many more bugs than a grandparent is likely to.

I allowed ds1 to kiss and cuddle ds2 from day 1 and he was in nursery. I don't remember ds2 ever being unwell when I was ebf, although that may well be a coincidence.

We had the don’t kiss baby in the face rule with IL family But not with your own family, even though both families have exactly the same degree of relationship to the baby?

As long as you realise how it comes across, what's wrong with grandparents kissing a grandchild on the cheek/head?

Babies are so cute and cuddly that I think it's just human instinct to give them a big smooch especially if they're your grandkids and you love and adore them.

At 3 months I say bring on the kisses and cuddles personally.

I'd think you a bit precious to be honest. As long as no one is trying to do it with a cold sore or a cold, I think a cuddle and a kiss on top of the head is fairly common place at this stage. One of mine crawled early so was chewing shoes at not much older. Building up an immune system is a good thing as long as people aren't ill or contagious I'd allow contact. Relationships are important and they just want to bond.

I think at 3 months, it's a bit precious. Babies are typically doing a fair bit of tummy time at that point and putting things in their mouths.

Your baby though, so you make the rules!

This.

One day you all may be grandparents.

And whilst I completely understand and respect the caution around cold sores you'll have the same feelings around your grandchildren as we do. We know (or most of us do!) that we're not the parents. But it's still overwhelming

I do understand about the no kissing rule with it being RSV season and lots of coughs and colds flying about.
But I think at 3 months I’d be letting people have cuddles with baby, there is nothing better then a cuddly newborn when they’re gooing and cooing at you - so I felt happy to share that experience with family. I didn’t feel like they was using baby as a prop as you say, I felt family genuinely wanted to share in the joy the new baby brought.

Also, many of these relatives aren’t seeing a baby for the first time, they will have raised their own. My SIL had a baby last year. At Christmas we were all treated to a lecture on how we must behave around the baby: no sitting too close, no talking loudly, no sudden movements, no kissing and no hugging too tightly. For my mum, who has successful raised three children of her own and therefore considers being told how to behave around a baby like teaching your grandmother to suck eggs, I know she found all this quite upsetting and offensive. By all means, explain to people why you don’t want kissing for health reasons; but do also be aware that you may be coming across as a bit patronising and overbearing, and consider your tone and wording.

Older relatives who were generally a lot less precious about their own babies probably simply don’t understand or remember being asked not to kiss, because the reasoning doesn’t properly register with them. If you’ve been reading baby books cover to cover for the past year, your awareness is going to be far more heightened than that of people who don’t really think about babies much at all unless they’re in the presence of one. I don’t know shit about babies, I’ve never had one and never want one. I’ve no idea what the current guidance is on why babies shouldn’t be kissed so, whilst I wouldn’t kiss one (because I generally avoid even having to hold them) it wouldn’t occur to me that you thought kissing was going to make them ill in a way that just being out and about amongst the general swamp of viruses doesn’t.