how much does your child actually cost you? Please help me :(

When they get to 16 plus the costs become eyewatering - adult clothes, driving lessons, travel, university etc

Children and teens will cost what you can afford. Most people spend the majority of their income on rent and bills plus food. If your mortgage is low(ish) then you'll have more breathing room.

Supermarket shop wise I'm spending roughly £200 per week for a family with 2 adults and 2 dc (age 10 & 14). I could get it lower if needed, but we are fortunate with our budget.

Clothes, my teen has stopped growing so I'm now happy to buy her the occasional more expensive label jumper and other clothing. My 10 year old is in epic growth spurt phase so he gets stuff from vinted. Some families shop at primark others dress their kids in organic cottton boden and scandi brands. To be fair they spend the majority of their lives in school uniform.

Activities. I guess this depends on where you live and whats avaliable locally, and also your budget. Scouts is £1 a week, football is £35 a month, swimming lessons are £32 a month for group lessons but ds has 1-1 lessons at £90pcm. My teen is really into a specific sport, competes at National level. Training and equipment hire comes to about £90 a month, its the competitions that are expensive (entry fees, travel, hotel, costumes, etc). However when she started it was £1 a lesson for the first few years.

Holidays are our other big expense. But that's just because we can afford it and enjoy them.

Financially you will be fine. Many people manage multiple DC on less income. Only thing I would say is make sure you have your house back before moving to the next stage. Give notice to your tennant. You may find moving your tennant on to be costly and a long drawn out process, especially if the rent is below market rate.

If you think he will make things difficult for you how can you assume that he wouldn't want to have the child 50% of the time? Given that you earn roughly the same he wouldn't have to pay you anything in that case. A lot of men say they will go for 50/50 or even full residency just to spite their spouse off, some of them change their minds others goes through with it.

My 14 year old costs:
£15 phone
£20 pocket money
£20 travel (usually cycles)
£5 insurance for bike
£15 Xbox live account
£50 orthodontist
£50 clothing and shoes
£50 sports and clubs
And lots of milk and Weetabix!

If you can’t raise a child on 68k you have no business having a child. Know people in far more precarious positions managing to raise their children on less than 20k a year, children never go without and their mum doesn’t see a penny of CMS.

My eldest is 12.

Food: 150ish a month, based on a 1/4 share of our food shop.
Hobbies: 80 a month (lifeguard training, martial arts and rugby).
School bus: 56 a month.
School uniform: 30ish a month, averaged out.
Clothes: 50ish a month, averaged out.
Phone: 10 a month.
Shoes: 80ish/pair, bought as and when he needs them.
Christmas: Varies, but I usually budget roughly 600.
Birthday: as above but I try to budget around 300.
Pocket money: 40 a month.

He's still a lot cheaper than he was when we were paying nursery fees!

Sorry but I did crassly laugh. My ex pays £50 per child per month and he’s on 40k+ a year. I don’t go through CMS as he’s utterly crap with money and whilst is makes me grit my teeth, I’d sooner he keep a roof over his head to do his share of parenting than ask for more (again).

I have one child who does the minimum amount of after school care, that’s £100ish per month. Youngest is on free nursery hours and the other has high needs so his childcare costs are 0. Uniforms and shoe replacements are the killer for me to be honest, and the one cost that will always go up until they finish education. Due to additional needs they can’t do clubs and hobbies (or not found any yet), so try and do more ‘family days’ which often cost a bomb even with a carer ticket but there we go. My outgoings are high but I don’t own a house and car is on HP. I think you’ll be ok OP.

DTs are 13, I pay for them (each)

Phone - £30
Pocket money - £25
Hobby - £100
School lunches - £80
Extra £10 here and there when they want to go out with friends £20
Food say £100 month as a quarter of our monthly bill, that includes shampoo, conditioner etc.
Clothes average maybe £40 a month. last month they needed new bras, they were £30
Haircuts £12.50 a month over the year
School trips £80 month (for a bog standard 4 night PGL residential)
Other random requests from school £10
Swimming £20 month
Netflix / Amazon Music - have had to up subscriptions for multiple devices £10 extra / month
Friends birthday presents £5 month
Holidays - £200 per month

There are always random things cropping up, I paid £480 for dyslexia assessments in December, now one needs to go to a specialist optometrist and that is £120. One needs coloured overlays and exercise books,

Is your friend perhaps thinking private school fees? That's the only thing that could possibly make your situation anything other than perfectly comfortable I'd say.

So for my my 10yo

If we used it...
Breakfast club £3
After school club £5
School lunch £3
Per day. (Yorkshire prices!)

Activities
Scouts... £150 per year subs. Plus camps... about £40 a weekend 3 or 4 times a year (average)
Rugby... £50 per year. Plus transpirt to games.

Swimming was £30 a month.

Clothes
Her feet won't stop growing at the moment! And that's £40 for school shoes, plus 2xtrainers, walking boots, rugby boots, sandals... fortunately some of these are passed down!
Primary school uniform fortunately relatively cheap... about £50 a year.
Then casual clothes.... this really depends on income.

School trips.
Her residential trip is £250. Curriculum trip £7. Choir trip £10.

Food... about £30 a week.

For my 12yo...
Her school uniform was £200ish in Yr7. Just needed blouses and trousers this year.
Shoes and casual clothes as above.
Activities.. her climbing lessons are £15 each, 2 or 3 times a month. Climbing wall is 45 minute drive.
Her residential trip is £600.
Food as above. In addition schoollunches could be up to £5 a day but she doesn't like them.

Both also going on an international scout trip £400... but grandparents donating as christmas/birthday presents.

Then there is birthday/Christmas presents, phones, bigger house in a nice school catchment, holidays etc as other expenses.

@AbelMary my 16 year old gets £20 a month plus phone paid for - she is an introvert so doesn’t need much. I pay for clothes etc and just bought her prom dress - £150 plus fitting… others in her year are spending similar or getting dresses from Shien so you set the budget.

dtds are 12 and do lots of dance and drama which costs a lot. We used to have a 2 club rule but we can afford more so let them do more. Many of their friends do none of these activities.

you’ll live within your means.

Children can be as cheap or as expensive as you like

However you might find your mental health improves enormously once he is out of the picture!

A man forgot cricket/football.
Add another 20 a month.

Well if it is, he needs to know his duty to his child is 50% of the total cost of raising a child, not an optional top up payable only if the op can't cover everything.

Per month my 9yo costs:

Swimming - £25
Karate - £60
Cubs - £15 (annual cap.+ termly subs divided)
Music £30
Tutor £160 (horror face)
School dinners £40 (4 days a week)
Savings £100
Food £30?

In addition ad-hoc costs for:
Football boots/shoes/clothes/birthday + party/friends birthday presents/ trips out

So lets.make it a round 550 🤯 obviously all the clubs & tutor are optional. Food & clothing not so much.

I think this thread might be a reverse 😂The Dad wanting to know whether he's being taken for a ride.

In all honesty with a £68k salary and £780 a month CMS you'll be taking home anywhere between £4.5 and £5k so unless you eat caviar for breakfast I think you'll be just fine haha

I havent included school costs in mine but if I did I'd add £40 lunches, £100 wraparound care (wont be needed for secondary) and this years school residential is £180.

My six year old costs me £25/month in swimming lessons. Food is as much as you want it to be. Clothes, maybe £20/month average over the year, could be less if you bought more second hand. Uniform, we get ours at 50p per item from the PTA second hand sale. School shoes, approx £20/pair twice a year. Fun activities could be free (library, park, swimming included with swim lessons) but we probably spend another £50/month on 'fun' (e.g. ticket to craft workshop, lunch out). So I don't think she costs much over £100/month. She will start music lessons soon which will be £12/week.

My 10 year old is this:
£29 swimming lessons
£37 climbing lessons
£15 scouts.
£15 phone

This month she is going to a scout weekend £70, there is also a scout weekend in May £40 and June £65.

She gets £20 month pocket money, which I envisage needing to be more when gets to secondary with trips into town/cinema etc but i plan to give that ad hoc as and when required, maybe £20 every other weekend?

£30 per month hobby
£50 per month school lunch
£30 per month pocket money
£20 per month phone bill
£50-100 discretionary spending (new item of clothing etc)
£100/150 on groceries and occasional takeout

£280-£380 per month roughly?

You will be fine. I'm single and earn half your salary, (although have low mortgage) have 2 dc and very little financial support from ex.

If you're working full time the most expensive thing is still childcare, although it gets better when they go to school. You'll still have holiday clubs and wraparound care to pay for.

Cap extra curricular activities at what you can afford, I've always said to my dc they can do maximum of 2 extra curriculars a week each plus swimming lessons. However my ds1 only does swimming now and ds2 does swimming and squirrels. Dance classes are not essential.

Plenty of single parents live on less. You will be fine.

Well ‘cost’ will really depend if if a % of that £780 is to go towards nursery fees, housing etc as well as standard food/ clothes/ days out/ etc.

In your senario I would say nursery will be your largest cost so will the £780 all go on 50% of nursery costs?
Housing I assume you’re fairly covered by. But a 3 bed could have large utility and maintenance costs, depending on age.

Not including housing/ nursery/ bills, I would say my 3 year old roughly costs:
£150 a month food - our food bill is about £30-40 a week extra now.
£100 a month to cover basics and essentials ie new shoes or clothing outgrown, books, craft stuff, medical. Some months I spend nothing, then he needs slippers, wellington and shoes all at once if outgrown.
£100 a month towards larger items like next stage car seat, bed, bike etc.
£50 - swimming, eating out, entrance fees

I would say the above isn’t essentials as such, and you can reduce but that’s what I would say ours averages out. So around £400 ish a month. That’s doesn’t include larger purchases like going on holiday