how much does your child actually cost you? Please help me :(

My 13 year old isn't into clubs so the only thing I pay for him is his phone, spending money (he probably has £20 a week) and new clothes. He's into sports stuff which is (for me) hideously expensive but I think on your incoming you should be fine.

Mine are 16 and 11.

Kids activites costs have been pretty consistently around around the 200 a month mark.

They get dearer as teens. If I add in the equipment they need, shoes, clothes, make up, phones, Christmas/birthday presents, going out money etc, I'd say its probably 500-odd a month evened out over the year.

But you cut your cloth according to your means and they younger they are, the cheaper they are I've found.

Edited to add: we've never had to pay any childcare whatsoever. I was a SAHM til they went to school and then worked PT around them. And between us, we don't earn 75k.

Oh and I didn’t get any child support (DH passed away.)

I mean, you earn more than double what I did when I was a single parent and I managed, including the cost of full time childcare. You’ll be fine.

You earn more than me and my husband and we have three children. I think you'll manage very well.

2 school aged children

childcare with TFC

£28 per day wrap around childcare for 2 children at school
£50 per day holiday club 2 children

swimming and music lessons, afterschool clubs, £135 a month (will go up when younger one starts doing more clubs)

clothes and shoes £50 a month

food £150 a month

school dinners for 1 child £40 a month (free school dinner received by all children in first 3 years)

Birthdays and Christmas £400 a year

miscellaneous expenses e.g. school trips and presents for friends parties and furniture/equipment £70 a month

Days out and holidays £2000 a year (obviously includes for ourselves)

This is just what we spend and kids seem quite happy, I know people who spend a lot more and we’ve had less to be able to spend in the past, just depends what you would be happy with

Your major cost will be child care while you work, so cost that up locally. Get several quotes and then add on 10%. It will need to be reviewed annually.

When your dc starts school consider daily wrap-around care plus allow an extra £3k for school holidays.

Generally, food, clothes , hobbies, utilities, water childcare - I'd allow £150 a week for a little one.

I have a 16yo boy. I spend about £600 a month, which includes huge amounts of food, clothes, hobbies, utilities, swimming, karate, school field trips but no childcare.

That doesn't include an allowance for an extra bedroom.

How longs a piece of string?
If you can’t afford dance classes then your kid doesn’t do dance classes, you’ll have to cut your cloth. It’s not worth staying in an unhappy relationship so that your kid can learn ballet.
As it is - breakfast club is £5 a day, after school is £12.50 a day, dance is £75 a month, swimming is £40 a month, drama is £20 a month…

but not all of those things are necessary and a happy home life is more important!

Football £250 per year
Tennis lessons £150 a term
£6pm sim only contract
£10pm pocket money
£20pm socialising
£150 year merlin pass
£350 year clothes & shoes
£80pm lunch money

=£216pm

My teenager is my cheapest as I have no childcare costs for him.

My ds is 16. Apart from the obvious of putting a roof over his head and bills etc this is how much ‘extra’ he costs me; £55 a month bus pass, £50 a month pocket money, £80 dinner money, food probably £50 per week. Birthdays and Xmas I spend about £500 on each for him, phone bill £20. Clothes and school uniform, shoes etc probably about £400 a year, haircut £16 every 2 months, prescription glasses around £80 a year, rugby club £30 a month, basketball club £30 a month. We also go on holiday twice a year so probably another £1-2k a year on that depending on where we go / if we get a free child place.

I haven’t coat up petrol used to run him around to friends or home decor / furniture for his bedroom.

You're obviously not going to have the same disposable income and lifestyle then if you stay and if you have equal access to all family money. Whereas if childcare comes out of your salary alone and your 50/50 on joint expenses you'll be better off. Either way you will fine.

If you are married or have assets and accounts in joint names you need legal advise from a family solicitor asap and to do so before you leave.

Well obviously you'll be matching it so 1600 a month pretty much.......if you can't meet the costs of kids with £400 a week I'd be very surprised, it's more than my weekly outgoings including bills 🤣🤣🤣

You'll be fine op. It will be worth it in the end.

I’m actually taken aback at how much I spend on 14 YO but this could definitely be cut:
p/m
hair - £15
pocket money £40
lunch/ snacks on card £120
ad hoc outings with friends £30
bus £0 in Scotland
clothes £50
food ( never stops) £200
pie at football £20
subscription £30

For people saying 'i managed on less than half' etc don't forget that OP will not be entitled to any government handouts, which depending on when you were managing, you may have had top ups or working tax credits and paid less tax. Plus as a single higher earner will be paying more tax than two people earning near combined amount, so like comparing apples and pears.
@AbelMary I would imagine you will be fine, just don't encourage DC into pony riding/skiing or other expensive hobbies!

£30 food ???

You'll be doing swimmingly. I managed on my own with 2 kids, quite big mortgage, only earning 25k and receiving £200 monthly cms

I think you should be fine; but it will depend on what activities etc they do.

so I get around £600 a month maintenance, plus half of all school uniform and shoes and trips etc. we also split their clubs , but for the 2 of them we are spending just over £1k a month between us.

I don’t think finances should be a reason to stay though, you absolutely can do this! But I really would take a firm stand when doing your parenting plan and financial agreement to get the extra stuff.

You will be fine OP. You can cut your cloth accordingly.

Child care and usual house running expenses are your big ones. Most other things are optional (packed lunches if necessary etc).

My mental health improved massively after i left my ex. I hope its the same for you!

I manage on less than half what you do.

I managed as a single parent with my first on a lot less than you are earning. You will be fine and probably much happier

If CMS says he would have to pay £780 per month for one child (I get £350 for 3 children!) don't be surprised if he suddenly decided he does want parent 50/50 and then he doesn't have to pay you anything

Primary age is cheap. If you can manage the 2-4 costs you’ll be fine for primary. Eg our wrap around is £15 per person per day for 3-6. If your partner will take for some of the school holdings then your costs for holiday clubs will reduce as that is then a big chunk but even combined it’s much cheaper than nursery.

as above

Well, cost is really what you chose. My two do a few clubs between them, we pay for their phones, one wants to go to the gym too which we are looking into.

they like things like swimming with friends, shopping trips and going to McDonald’s. Clothes tend to be Nike etc rather than the primark stuff I used to buy.

There are expensive ski trips at school but mine know they can’t go on those as we can’t afford it.

it all depends what you are willing to spend to be honest but you will have more income than I do so you’ll be just fine.

This