how much does your child actually cost you? Please help me :(

You will be fine as long as you’re not hoping to pay for private school or living somewhere ludicrously expensive. I have two primary age. Take home pay is 3000 and cms is 550. Mortgage 600, usual bills. I pay 550 a month in wraparound for two, so expect to pay half that. School dinners cost me 60/month each ish. Swimming lessons 35 a month each. Those are their biggest expenses. I still get child benefit on my salary but that goes straight into their savings isa.

Music lessons/other activities are the killer in our house

Tennis and swimming: £100/m per dc
Music lessons: £80/m per instrument per dc
Orchestra fees (these vary loads but can easy be £600 a year per dc
Dance: £120 a term for 2 classes a week

Show fees, music & dance exams cost more on top, its about £50 per exam, 1 per instrument/dance type per child per year

Then dance uniform & shoes & music instrument costs are on top

Music & dance get v expensive,which is prob why so many kids quit these by about age 9/10

With that salary you'll be fine

OP, not quite the same situation but I put a post up ages ago asking about the costs of older kids vs younger kids (mine are 6 and 9) as we'll be paying school fees from this summer so need to get ducks in a row financially. There was such a huge mix. Honestly, you're in control of what you spend your money on so take control.

The post I put up was full of people saying 'remember driving lessons at 17' and a car for example. I have no intention of paying for DC's driving lessons or buying them a car. They can fund themselves like a did in my mid 20s. I overheard a convo in the school playground the other day that someone had bought their 7 yr old a Stanley cup for £75. I mean...everyone has different priorities when it comes to money so you decide what yours are.

I don't have a £2k mortgage, no. But OP hasn't said what her costs are, and she has said that she owns a house that she will move back to so it doesn't sound like she's tied to one place for work.

Really? You manage a £2k a month mortgage on that? Plus bills and all other costs? Like I do? Or no, wait, maybe Op had different costs to you? Eg had to live in London in order to do her job? 🤦‍♀️

Currently around £100pcm dance fees, £30pcm hockey, 15pcm scouts, £30pcm phone. Then there's the associated time/fuel costs of taking her to activities. Usually £10-20pw pocket money. School lunches are around £20pw. She's just about to start with an English tutor at £40pw.

Clothes are a good mix of branded (think ££ white fox etc) and primark, which is apparently cool.

She's definitely got more expensive as she's got older but childcare and loss of earnings were the biggest financial hit of parenthood so far.

You will be absolutely fine! I earn a bit less than you and get no maintenance. I have a mortgage and we live comfortably.

DS16 costs:

£30 lunches
£30 music
£45 clothes/haircuts
£20 pocket money
£20 phone

Xmas/Birthday £200 each (one off, not pcm)

I am estimating £500 ppm for university (split between me and his dad)

Totally agree it’s comfortably doable

You will be fine I’m sure. I get £7 a week for 4 children from cms and I manage (have no choice) when it’s paid anyway, in the last year since jan 2023 - jan 2024 I’ve received maintenance of £87 🤷‍♀️ I’m sure you will manage

OK, not quite double, fair enough. But still significantly more than mine. So of course it is doable.

Her post tax income would be £48678 but that’s assuming she pays no student loan repayments (or pension contributions) and does not have any additional expenses related to her work that you don’t have such as e.g needing to live in a certain location, needing to buy suitable work clothing, maintain professional registrations/qualifications etc and that she works the same hours as you etc. Even assuming she gets to take home the full £48678 that is (which is highly unlikely) it is still not double your net income

Single parent here with a 12 year old and 8 year old. Earn a bit less than you and half the cms. 12 year old costs are mainly clothes/uniform. I put around £20 a week on her dinner money account. Pay around £150 a month for her club/training. She has a school trip costing £500 in July but split cost with her dad. The costs aren't as much as when paying full time childcare but still adds up.

I have three teenagers, it's relentless.

Yes, so? It's still much less than what OP earns even factoring in tax.

Its so variable op. On my 12 year old we spend £10 a week on bus fare, mobile phone is about £20 a month (the phone and the sim), adult sized feet that are still growing so trainers were £60, school shoes £70, has needed new trousers for school alfeady sonce going back in september as growjng so fast. Blazer was £100 and needed a new one every year so far. Adult sized coat was £100 etc etc.

My sporty 10 year old is the most expensive. Constantly buying sports kit, shin pads, socks, trainers, rugby boots, football boots, skins, hockey kit, etc etc. then club subs are £££.

Your tax is a lot less

My income as a single parent including benefit top ups is £26,400 not including child maintenance, if I include maintenance it's £30,000 so yes, I do in fact manage on half of this.

I am a single parent and my income, including UC and child benefit, is still less than half of OP's.

You choose. My parents didn’t pay for half of the things listed above. If we wanted a phone we paid the bill and beyond that we save birthday and Christmas money to pay for anything else. Occasionally we would get food out. Took packed lunch to school, was not affordable to have lunch at the canteen.

I earn 25k and ex partner pays £185 per month. My mortgage is paid off, so I don't have that worry, but DD has everything she needs including holidays.

Just don't get into music, and you'll be fine!

Music lessons - 3- instruments between 2 dc; orchestra, choir, aural coaching - £650/term. Exam entry £90, plus whatever the accompanist will cost.

That's all through the school music service.

Once upon a time, all that was free.

I have a seven year old who does a LOT of hobbies (his choice, very high energy child who absolutely loves sports).

We pay:
£34 pm for swimming lessons
£37 pm for gymnastics
£30 pm for football via school after school club
£15 pm for rugby
£50 pm for tennis (which is a lot but he loves it so so much)

Most kids will be doing less than half that amount. On the positive side, he is so busy with weekend sports that we don’t spend much money on days out.

Food:
Probably adds £20-30 onto our weekly food bill, but he gets universal free lunch at primary school so it’s only really breakfast and tea we are paying for.

Mortgage/utilities - we have a slightly bigger house and DS adds a bit to our water bill, but otherwise not much change.

Holidays - you can probably add another 50% per child.

Clothes - 90% of DS’s clothes come from H&M. Few bits from Jojo or M&S. Really not expensive once they are over 4 and only grow out of clothes once a year.

Dentist/hairdresser etc - maybe £100 per year?

Your biggest expenditure is likely to be childcare, honestly. Once that’s covered, you won’t find DC cost all that much in primary school.

You earn more than enough. You will 100% be fine. Leave him.

You should be absolutely fine, but just be careful on relying on CMS.

My EXDP tried to pretend he was self-employed to get out of paying. CMS agreed with him and said nothing they can do...until I sent them an old payslip of his showing his employment and pay, so I got the money the DC were entitled to.

CMS are supposed to check earnings with HMRC, but don't seem bothered to.