DH and I have been together for 25 years. Our eldest child is 21.
My MIL has always been quite a cold person. Help was only given by ILs on their terms when they offered, we were not to ask for help. MIL in particular would be very pushy (bully us) if she wanted to make arrangements.
Last year MIL was in hospital after an accident. While she was on strong painkillers she opened up to DH and told him she was sad she didn’t have a close female relationship like I have with my DDs. She does have her own DD who lives abroad.
The FIL also had some health issues last year. This seems to have opened MILs eyes to how helpful and caring people such as their neighbours can be.
Now after 25 years I’m getting the odd message from MIL asking how I am or asking me to do her a favour. She has also started to try to make arrangements to visit with me rather than DH.
I feel like she wants to try to develop a close relationship with me. It’s not something I want as I found her coldness and bullying really hard to deal with especially when my children were younger - I distanced myself to protect myself.
AIBU to think that if we aren’t close after 25 years it’s too late. There’s a reason we aren’t close after all this time and it isn’t going to change because MIL wants it too.