MIL always wants us to visit her house

I think you should agree to take it in turns. How often are they expecting you to go there? How often do you see your parents?

We have my MIL who lives about 5 hours drive away and we see her about 3-4 times a year. We offered to see her more when our children were little if she helped more and wasn't just a visitor, but she wasn't keen. She always comes to us as her house is a retirement home with one bedroom. We hire a cottage nearby once a year for a weekend and DH takes one child to see her every year.

My mum is about 3/3,5 hrs drive away and we see her every two months. She's always been really helpful around the house and with the children and not been a burden, but I'm not sure she would have come and stayed in a hotel either. I usually go up there twice a year with the kids, but again there's not enough space for all of us.

Why don't you suggest you alternate?

Yes it is judge-y.

and absolutely not okay for MILs to think they can make comments. Being a mum to a small baby is hard enough without the added ‘help’ of bitchy comments from MILs

I think it’s fairly clear you don’t have a car and didn’t have a baby that didn’t like the car (it’s not uncommon…) loads of little babies scream on long car journeys. Best solution is to stick to short journeys where possible

They can’t summon you - just tell them it’s too stressful with baby st the moment. Or older child has weekend activity. Invite them to yours.

Or meet half way for lunch?

or don’t bother for a few months and aim to visit less often. Say you’re too tired.

Maybe DH and your 10 year old could do a few visits without you - while you look after the baby at home?

YANBU. Stop travelling there. They will have to either accept not seeing you as often or just do the journey themselves and visit you. And MIL being a good host is not enough of a reason to do a 2 hour car journey while your baby screams the entire time in the car. I'm sure your 10 yo is also not happy with the car journey. So suit yourselves and stop the visits for now.

This is a DH problem.

He needs to tell his parents that if they don't drive to you sometimes they're going to be seeing a lot less of their GC.

My PIL were the same and I bitterly regret the hours spent at a weekend driving to theirs when they were retired and had all the time in the world to visit us but we were forced to spend 6-7hours of our precious 48 hours off work in the car 🤦🏻‍♀️

It was flipping exhausting.

I look back now and think we were crazy and far too polite.

The daft thing is they respected DH's brother way more for putting boundaries in place, so it's not even like all the people-pleasing we did even created a harmonious relationship, it just made them think they could be more demanding with our time until the relationship broke down entirely.

I truly believe that having an equal say and an equal footing in relationships makes them much longer lasting and happier, and that's all you're asking for here really, don't think it's too much to request.

Maybe you could visit less often and spend some time trying to get the baby used to going on car journeys. It shouldn’t be a big deal for a 7 month old to be in a car. We don’t have a car but the GPs took us out a few times every week in the car when DC was small.

Just don’t do overnight trips either of you-go to theirs for the afternoon and spent it at theirs, you don’t need to go out on the pavement then. They can visit you for lunch etc

I’m not sure asking whether baby is always fussing or not sleeping well is “judgey”. Are you sure it’s not just that MIL isn’t part of your family and isn't allowed to make comments?

Think it makes sense to ask for sometimes.

However you reasons are odd and really surmountable.

Also 2 hours isn't far at all...my baby hates the car and often refuses to nap so we just time the journey. However my journey's to visit family are between 4-8 hours which we do in a day...

Why not invite them and give them your room and you sleep on the sofa

But yes I don’t see why they can’t visit you

Let dh take the dc.. He will soon get his dm told if it is solely him dealing with the dc..

YANBU! Having similar issues with my MIL and three month old at the moment. My son is delightful at home in his routine, but struggles with travel and their "big lights no chill" house.

She's always trying to contrive us visiting her though, to fit in around her other social life.

I think that you can just do a mix of saying no thanks and inviting them to you. Just be honest and say that your baby is struggling with the long trips, and you'll pick up the visits when he's happier to travel .

Well you're not being unreasonable to ask that they make the journey sometimes, but some of your issues are surmountable: you can take toys for the baby, he/she is only 7 months, so can't need huge amounts of entertaining. And if your partner is with you, can't he drive you all somewhere? Just say to MIL 'we'd like to go to a park to let the kids run around/get some air, would you like to come?'.

Do they need to stay over if it’s a 2 hour journey? Surely they could come for a day trip now and again.

Definitely not being unreasonable. It's a long way for two children. Suggest you take it in turns maybe every other month. If they won't just cut your visits back.