AIBU to stop sending gifts when none are acknowledged?

Newbie2023 · 2024-01-23T18:32:16+00:00

I send my (mid-20s) godson b/day, Xmas, graduation, new job, etc gifts - cash inside cards, or items related to his hobbies/ /travels. I don’t hear back from him. It is awkward as courier companies report they have delivered - but as the household are all out at work all day, I don’t know if the items have actually arrived. This means I need to contact my godson to check, but having to ask if he got a parcel makes me feel uncomfortable, like I’m fishing for thanks (although a quick text/thumbs up wouldn’t go amiss once in a while!). Would it be unreasonable to stop sending gifts, given the lack of acknowledgment?

Original poster

Newbie2023 · 07/07/2024 22:39

AIBU to find this really odd - are we just totally out of touch with current wedding invitation protocols, or is this a thing now?

We’ve received a wedding invitation card for a friend’s son’s wedding, with a QR code to scan to say whether we will be attending, to access menu choices, etc.
No problem at all, happy to do these - but…

The QR code takes us straight to online forms that ask for our names, addresses, email addresses - ok.
However, the second page of the site asks us to enter our bank card details, and can’t move on without doing this.
It says the 7-day trial to use this site is free, then we will be charged monthly….
This feels a really odd thing to ask of your wedding guests, but happy to be told we’re just really out of touch!

Is this really actually a thing now?

Advice very welcome! TIA

OP posts:

Panpastels · 24/01/2024 14:32

Sunflower8848 · 23/01/2024 18:39

My aunt use to send me gifts, £20 here and there, small gifts etc. it got to the point where she was retired and didn’t have much cash, I’m earning a decent salary and I just felt reeeeally awkward telling her “please stop sending me stuff” the only way I could give her the hint was stopping to acknowledge the gifts and hope to god she would stop sending them! Maybe your godson is trying to send you a message too.

How cruel!

gindreams · 24/01/2024 12:49

@Sunflower8848 omg how incredibly rude

tokesqueen · 24/01/2024 09:03

I stopped this at 21 anyway.
Where does it end?

tanstaafl · 24/01/2024 08:58

Zuve · 23/01/2024 19:47

In our family all gifts stop at 18 years old. From then on just little gifts

so, the gifts don’t stop ?

Spirallingdownwards · 24/01/2024 08:40

Sunflower8848 · 23/01/2024 18:39

My aunt use to send me gifts, £20 here and there, small gifts etc. it got to the point where she was retired and didn’t have much cash, I’m earning a decent salary and I just felt reeeeally awkward telling her “please stop sending me stuff” the only way I could give her the hint was stopping to acknowledge the gifts and hope to god she would stop sending them! Maybe your godson is trying to send you a message too.

So instead she just thinks you are rude. Doesn't that make you feel more awkward than saying "really there is no need to send gifts now I am older"?

What kind of person hopes to God that their godmother will stop sending gifts? For all you know it gives her pleasure to still do so. So your plan to combat her kindness and thoughtfulness is to act like a total cow. Nice one.

Spirallingdownwards · 24/01/2024 08:40

Sunflower8848 · 23/01/2024 18:39

My aunt use to send me gifts, £20 here and there, small gifts etc. it got to the point where she was retired and didn’t have much cash, I’m earning a decent salary and I just felt reeeeally awkward telling her “please stop sending me stuff” the only way I could give her the hint was stopping to acknowledge the gifts and hope to god she would stop sending them! Maybe your godson is trying to send you a message too.

So instead she just thinks you are rude. Doesn't that make you feel more awkward than saying "really there is no need to send gifts now I am older"?

What kind of person hopes to God that their godmother will stop sending gifts? For all you know it gives her pleasure to still do so. So your plan to combat her kindness and thoughtfulness is to act like a total cow. Nice one.

EvilElsa · 24/01/2024 08:37

At that age I'd stop the gifts and just send a card.

GreenMarigold · 24/01/2024 08:34

Passingthethyme · 24/01/2024 08:13

@GreenMarigold surely at mid 20s a thank you would be nice? But that's lovely you don't mind

At mid 20s it doesn’t take much to send a text and I would have done, but not receiving a thank you wouldn’t bother me in the slightest.

FiveShelties · 24/01/2024 08:19

Sunflower8848 · 23/01/2024 18:39

My aunt use to send me gifts, £20 here and there, small gifts etc. it got to the point where she was retired and didn’t have much cash, I’m earning a decent salary and I just felt reeeeally awkward telling her “please stop sending me stuff” the only way I could give her the hint was stopping to acknowledge the gifts and hope to god she would stop sending them! Maybe your godson is trying to send you a message too.

How could you not feel really really awful being so rude to someone who was sending you presents?

bombardelli · 24/01/2024 08:18

OP, i would have stopped the gifts at 18!

Do you ever see him or his parents?

It seems like some people using godmothers for presents.

bombardelli · 24/01/2024 08:18

GreenMarigold · 24/01/2024 08:10

I send gifts freely and unconditionally, without expectation of thanks or acknowledgment. I wouldn’t chase to see if it was received, it probably has been.

My children do write thank you cards to others but I’d rather a gift I sent was just enjoyed by the child and they weren’t made to sit down and write a note.

He’s not a child at 25 or so.

Passingthethyme · 24/01/2024 08:13

@GreenMarigold surely at mid 20s a thank you would be nice? But that's lovely you don't mind

GreenMarigold · 24/01/2024 08:10

I send gifts freely and unconditionally, without expectation of thanks or acknowledgment. I wouldn’t chase to see if it was received, it probably has been.

My children do write thank you cards to others but I’d rather a gift I sent was just enjoyed by the child and they weren’t made to sit down and write a note.

Passingthethyme · 24/01/2024 08:04

Sunflower8848 · 23/01/2024 18:39

My aunt use to send me gifts, £20 here and there, small gifts etc. it got to the point where she was retired and didn’t have much cash, I’m earning a decent salary and I just felt reeeeally awkward telling her “please stop sending me stuff” the only way I could give her the hint was stopping to acknowledge the gifts and hope to god she would stop sending them! Maybe your godson is trying to send you a message too.

I don't understand why you'd do this instead of just saying something, you were being well meaning, but now your aunt will just think you are rude and ungrateful if you didn't acknowledge her thoughtfulness

EveryOtherNameTaken · 23/01/2024 20:12

I have recently stopped doing the same. Just go for it. There's been no gratitude and they're no longer a child.

Zuve · 23/01/2024 19:47

In our family all gifts stop at 18 years old. From then on just little gifts

IncompleteSenten · 23/01/2024 19:46

Id stop.
If he contacts you to ask where it is then you know he's just got no manners at all.

TheOriginalFrench · 23/01/2024 19:44

My aunt use to send me gifts, £20 here and there, small gifts etc.

But @Sunflower8848 did you never consider the pleasure she might have got from sending you those tiny gifts? Still being, in that way, a part of your life.

You must have drifted awfully far apart if you didn’t even feel you could tell her there was no need.

I’m a very loving aunt and would be painfully hurt if a niece or nephew indicated that I or my gifts were too lowly to be worth bothering with.

ManchesterBea · 23/01/2024 19:14

Definitely time to end it, I have a rule that I will go onto 18 without, but if there is still no written thank yous coming, or acknowledgements via text/message, then I would stop.

BeaRF75 · 23/01/2024 19:13

Absolutely stop - he is just rude. It's also completely standard to stop sending presents when the "child" reaches 18 or 21.

Original poster

Newbie2023 · 23/01/2024 19:12

Sunflower8848 - that is such a good point, thank you, I hadn’t considered this.

OP posts:

Original poster

Newbie2023 · 23/01/2024 19:10

Doorstep theft is rife around his patch, otherwise I wouldn’t follow up.
I’m so grateful for everyone’s thoughts :)

OP posts:

Original poster

Newbie2023 · 23/01/2024 18:52

100% at address. I’m grateful for everyone’s thoughts and won’t be feeling so bad moving forward now - thank you so much :)

OP posts:

Icantbedoingwithit · 23/01/2024 18:40

Very very good. Takes a second to text and acknowledge. I’d stop OP!