To take my child to a therapist

@fulgrate you seem quite naive to the family court system. It's not at black and white as you make out. She could be in contempt of the court order. The child's father could gain more access as a result.
The family court do not take abuse seriously. Especially when it is not physical. It is not as simple as 'stop sending her'. There could be serious consequences for both her and her daughter.

What can you do? If there's no court order then stop sending her there.

Let him take you to court. In the meantime speak to solicitors, the police, school, any outside agencies who may be able to help you build your case against having to send her to him.

I'm fully aware of how backwards and mind-bending the Family Courts system can be in favour of abusive fathers, but you have to at least try for her sake. Don't decide it's not worth it before you've exhausted all avenues to protect her from him.

You can't force her to have therapy to magically make her okay with being abused. Her feelings are valid. The problem is him.

I will say op that even as a teenager, i didn’t tell my mum or anyone else about the abuse from my dad because he told me not to and told me he could see what i was doing all the time. Please protect your daughter right now.

For a 7 year old who does not want to talk I think any formal talking therapy is dead in the water. Play therapy might be the way forward but you can't load it with expectations of her making a disclosure. Let it just be a safe space to play and express herself to start off with.

Stop recording her as well. I understand why you would want to but if you try to submit the recording you will be a sitting duck to be accused of alienating her as rehearsed recordings are a classic in that playbook.
It unfortunately doesn't prove anything by itself.

Just concentrate on making as sure as you can that she feels safe to tell you if something is going on in her own time.

@Jellycatspyjamas yes, she is participating in a programme at school, against her will. I think she's staying pretty close lipped there.

I think your starting point has to be she doesn’t feel able to say what’s going on. Therapy can be a place for her to express herself, get support, feel secure which might, possibly help her to speak but the expectation that she goes to X place or person and they’ll help her tell might be putting her off.

I wonder if presenting it as having people to help her with how she’s feeling might make her more open. If you had a secret and thought you’d be forced to tell that secret you’d be reluctant to go too.

Op I have a 7 year old Dd I have stopped seeing her dad (although this was due to her disclosing step mum abuse rather than her dad).

It’s been 2 years now and I do get therapy for Dd every week so she can work through her feelings in regards to why her dad couldn’t protect her, and chose his gf over her.

However I don’t think you’re at that stage atm, I think you need to cease contact at this point and give your Dd the space to work out what’s going on in her head without having to see her dad. Make sure she know s she can tell you anything.

You can stop contact for suspected abuse without any proof, I did and the courts sided with me 100%.

Your child is traumatised when she returns.

This may be a long game but you can protect her right now. The only fact you have is that something is wrong. You don't know what he will will do or what a court will do or even the time scale. Protect her now

Have you considered getting a second legal opinion? You never know, a different lawyer might offer different legal advice. I think I’d take footage of your DD screaming and curling up in a ball with me when I saw the new lawyer too.

I would say keep asking her, explain that if she wants to stop seeing her dad, she needs to tell you what is happening. Maybe as she is so young, ask her some direct questions eg ‘is he shouting at you’ etc.

But i would definitely stop her seeing him. You talk of her looking traumatised. No way in hell would i send her back. I agree with the PP that you are sounding passive in this situation.

And i would urge you to get some advice from different sources. No one worth their salt would advise you to keep sending your daughter somewhere where there is risk she is being abused. I would literally move away before i sent her back.

Anyway, what can I do to help my daughter? Can a therapist or psychiatrist get through to a 7 year old who actively doesn't want this?

It’s very hard tbh, therapists don’t have a magic way of getting people to engage who don’t want to.

In saying that play therapy might be an option because she doesn’t need to speak about anything she’s finding hard to say. I’d be concerned that she’s been told to not say anything (sometimes kids are told if they do speak they’ll be taken away from mum etc), and so can’t find her voice but isn’t able to contain her distress.

Does her school have a nurture group that might help her with her emotions more generally? I’d be giving her lots of reassurance that if there’s anything she’s scared to say, it’s ok, lots of “side by side” activities where the pressure is off her in terms of disclosing and explore play therapy.

Therapist here - in short. No it won’t help. Not a lot helps whilst the bad situation is still ongoing unfortunately. The problem is not her, the problem is not her thoughts, feelings or behaviours etc so therapy wouldn’t fix that. If you actually want her to disclose something to the therapist and use that as evidence (as a previous poster suggested) then there may be some value to her seeing one, but apart from that I cant see it would be useful. Plus it sounds like your daughter doesn’t want therapy and if she doesn’t want therapy then she should have control over that.

It doesn't matter right now. Why are you being so bloody passive/

You do not have to send her to be abused

So what actually happens when you sit her down and literally ask her why she doesn’t like seeing her dad?

Then never mind what you think he will do or what you think the court will do. This is quite a way off. Stop sending your child to be abused. Deal with any court action of and when it takes place.

You keep talking about what the court will do. Is the contact court ordered?