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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Dp made this comment about my lady parts - aibu?

210 replies

Wilterh93 · 21/01/2024 21:59

Without going into too much detail, dp and me were messing around and he said ‘I can see your labia now, it hangs out a little bit now, did I cause that? It used to be like this when you were a virgin (uses his fingers to insinuate a neat vagina) but now it’s like this (uses fingers to show labia poking out)’.

He didn’t mean it in a malicious way and was saying it with a laugh on his face but it instantly embarrassed me and I hid behind the shower curtain. When I was upset/annoyed about it he said I’m too sensitive and need to grow up and that it’s not a bad thing.

I’m not upset about the technicalities of what he said. I’m nearly a 30 year old woman ofcourse my vagina will not look how it did as a teenage virgin. I just feel that it was an unnecessary comment that he didn’t need to make, especially in a vulnerable moment when I was naked. He found it innocent and said it’s not a bad thing but I know he would never say that to another woman. I feel with me he has no filter.

Am I being unreasonable to be slightly offended/upset about this? How would you feel if your partner made a comment like this? I think it doesn’t help that I’m quite self conscious of my body and insecure. During sex I’ve learned to not worry because he’s never made a comment like that but now im going to feel slightly awkward when he’s near that region …

OP posts:
RonObvious · 21/01/2024 22:10

Doesn’t really matter whether he was being malicious or not. He made a comment about her body that upset her, and his response was that she was too sensitive and needed to grow up. If my husband accidentally said something that upset me, he’d be mortified and apologetic.

WristCandy · 21/01/2024 22:10

No, YANBU. Comments about your genitals, comparing them unfavourably to your younger appearance is targeted and nasty. The 'did I cause that' is fucking creepy. He'll be watching porn and comparing you to that as much as anything. His behaviour is deeply immature and just yuk. It would put me right off.

Bananaspinkyglitter · 21/01/2024 22:08

This would hurt me and stay with me a while . It was unkind and even if a light hearted comment will cause you upset ! Idiot man.

BobbyBiscuits · 21/01/2024 22:07

I would be pretty appalled by this tbh. Especially the bit about comparing you to when you were a virgin. Is he the only sexual partner you have had? He sounds massively immature. A person's labia don't grow based on how much sex they have or haven't had.
I have had wonky labia my whole life and it has not negatively affected my sex life or that of my partner, so it seems a petty and stupid thing to say. If he's doing things right they swell up during sex making it nice and juicy! (tmi maybe but he sounds like he has little understanding of women's anatomy)
What an idiot. I would not want sex from someone like that.

Deadringer · 21/01/2024 22:06

I would tell him that his tiny cock couldn't possibly alter a vagina.

NotQuiteNorma · 21/01/2024 22:06

I'd have to have extreme body anxiety to get upset about this. He was not making hurtful derogatory comments but speaking in curiosity. He probably doesn't spend much time looking that closely and may not have noticed previously. Honestly this isn't LTB territory.

Adateworsethandeath · 21/01/2024 22:04

Yeah, I was going to mention his balls. They drop as much as boobs as men age 😆

It was just a bit of a foot in mouth moment.

MarshaMarshaMarshmellow · 21/01/2024 22:03

I should bloody hope "he'd never say that to another woman" - if he did, you'd have bigger worries!!

Scared2023 · 21/01/2024 22:01

sounds like he just wasn’t thinking before he spoke and didn’t consider the impact of what he says. I’m sure his balls are more saggy than when he was a virgin so I’m sure he wouldn’t like the same comment

LondonQueen · 21/01/2024 22:01

I'd brush it off as a thoughtless comment. We all age unfortunately and I'm sure mine will stick out someday!