Dp made this comment about my lady parts - aibu?

I used to be a nurse.

They come in all shapes and sizes trust me. It's not to do with age ime.

Yanbu. To me It sounds like a rather thoughtless comment that he did not mean to cause upset with, but he put his foot in it.
After lots of partners in my late teens and my eldest's birth changed nothing for me down below, but ever since my twins birth everything is completely different and I hate it.
My partner come out with a stupid comment very similar to your partners. Never again after the reaction he got I will tell you!

@Wilterh93
Why do men make such dumb comments. Engage brain before you open your mouth, please.

I'd start singing that old song as I walked around the house:

"Do your balls hang low,
Do they wobble to and fro,
Can you tie 'em in a knot,
Can you tie 'em in a bow,
Can you throw 'em over your shoulder
like a Continental soldier,
Do your balls hang looooowwwww!"

I'm straight
Have sons
Don't watch porn

So don't have exposure to labia other than my own TBF.
I could tell you a lot of dick stories though.

This is how I read the initial comments. I don’t think it would bother me, but then in the moment I might actually feel like - alright well can you stop inspecting my labia now then pal.

I think the bit that was unreasonable was him saying you are too sensitive after you said you didn’t appreciate the comments. That was his cue to apologise and understand that his comments were not welcome.

It wouldn’t bother me, OP. It sounds like friendly interest - “Did I cause that change?” Not like criticism. You’re intimate with each other and he felt relaxed in the belief that he could make what he thought was a harmless observation without causing offence. I hope he makes it clear that he loves your body!

All the talk of saggy balls in this thread... not the greatest of ear worms.

That would really put me off him. I can't imagine wanting to take my pants off and have sex with him after that comment -I might be more sensitive that some in that regard, but it would make me really self conscious. It's not very sexy pointing and chuckling at your wife's very normal labia. I'd imagine he'd be pretty offended if out of nowhere you went 'look at your knob! I swear it was so much bigger than that when I met you and not so wrinkly and odd looking. Is that from aging or what?'. Some things don't need to be said -this was one of them.

A bit off topic, but I find anyone under the age of 30 saying their body ‘isn’t what it used to be’ to sound completely nuts! You are still very young! Your body doesn’t age very much 18-30. Weight gain and/or having kids may change body shape, but that’s not age related.

my Body hasn’t changed drastically since being a teenager and I’m in my 40’s ( that’s not a stealth boast btw…many women my age are the same. It’s not uncommon). Obviously I’ve aged facially, and more grey hairs, but my fanny hasn’t changed!

I think women are sold this myth that everything goes to shit after 21 - I’ve been surprised at what bullshit this is. I think many women don’t even blossom until they’re 30. I’d say 35 is peak age for women, but you’d think it was all downhill after 16 the way society behaved.

I noticed no discernible difference to my vag after childbirth ( I looked! It may be bigger, but it hasn’t made any difference to me)

his comments are weird. It’s possible you hadn’t fully developed in your teens, which makes his comment all the creepier.

They can absolute wankers, can't they?

Clearly preferring the look of a teen virgin - he might well think it, I expect there's quite a lot of difference between teenage boy and middle aged man too, but feeling it's ok to say it shows amazing lack of empathy and care.

What a tool. He sounds like an Inbetweener or something. It’s not LTB territory in isolation but I’d just say to my DH, “You may play down that one little remark as something that doesn’t matter but you should know that every time you see it, I’ll be reminded of your unnecessary comment about my body which is a huge turn off, not to mention I’ll feel very conscious of it too.” It’d make my labia clasp shut in his company anyway…

🤣👏

I’m a man, and that’s nonsense I’m afraid - we’re not all driven giddy by the sight of genitalia!

Tell him his droopy balls look like onions. They make you want to cry.

I think both he and his comments sound effed up. I also think he is minimising with his reaction which should have been an apology.

Doesnt sound like a bad comment to me. From what you've written he was just describing with surprise what he realised. He doesnt know that your mind translated it as saying your parts lookd worse now than they had before. You say yourself you are body conscious and insecure and I think its exactaly what makes you think so much and feel so bad.

Dig! A nasty dig FFS 😂

Not that my post adds anything to OPs situation - only you'll know OP if he was just being a clueless knob who knows nothing about women's bodies or whether he was having a nasty dog. Neither is great.

The majority of women have protruding labia minora (56%) in one study, easily found on google.

It is not solely related to aging and I've had teenage girls brought to me for examination with completely normal vulvas and protruding labia because their parents did not know it was normal.

I always find it surprising that people don't know it's the more common appearance of labia, but I guess if you've not seen many then you've nothing to compare to 🤷🏻‍♀️

@Silvetmoon exactly! And I would think less of him as result of a comment like that.

I think your dh is simply naive and ignorant about women's bodies, including yours. I don't think he was being intentionally spiteful. He should not have merely dismissed your upset over it though.

it's kind of demoralising that you have bought into the narrative that an adult vulva with visible labia is untidy and less pleasant than one without.

Well no, vagina is wrong and it should be pointed out, every single time. You wouldn't refer to a penis as a prostate would you?

Same thing. Vagina is the part that is inside a woman and therefore the wrong name for it.

Can’t believe people think this is a normal and excusable comment to say to your partner!

Plot twist: it’s not inner labia that got lower, it’s outer labia that shrunk along with losing “puppy fat” in all other places (cheeks, temples etc).