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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Dp made this comment about my lady parts - aibu?

210 replies

Wilterh93 · 21/01/2024 21:59

Without going into too much detail, dp and me were messing around and he said ‘I can see your labia now, it hangs out a little bit now, did I cause that? It used to be like this when you were a virgin (uses his fingers to insinuate a neat vagina) but now it’s like this (uses fingers to show labia poking out)’.

He didn’t mean it in a malicious way and was saying it with a laugh on his face but it instantly embarrassed me and I hid behind the shower curtain. When I was upset/annoyed about it he said I’m too sensitive and need to grow up and that it’s not a bad thing.

I’m not upset about the technicalities of what he said. I’m nearly a 30 year old woman ofcourse my vagina will not look how it did as a teenage virgin. I just feel that it was an unnecessary comment that he didn’t need to make, especially in a vulnerable moment when I was naked. He found it innocent and said it’s not a bad thing but I know he would never say that to another woman. I feel with me he has no filter.

Am I being unreasonable to be slightly offended/upset about this? How would you feel if your partner made a comment like this? I think it doesn’t help that I’m quite self conscious of my body and insecure. During sex I’ve learned to not worry because he’s never made a comment like that but now im going to feel slightly awkward when he’s near that region …

OP posts:
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FloraCameron · 24/09/2024 11:41

Gross comment.
Funny! I've never heard the term 'outie' used for women's genitalia. I've only heard it used for a belly button: my belly button was a definite 'outie' when I was a little child - like a nose (I hated it). Luckily it receded and is now 'normal'. How the f* did that happen??). xx

FloraCameron · 23/09/2024 23:28

Me, too. It's excruciating.

Bantai · 23/09/2024 13:21

Rude.
And him telling you that you are too sensitive is deeply offensive and what abusive men say.
OP, have a good hard think about your relationship because if you were my daughter I would be telling you that he is rude, uncouth, and simply not good enough for you.

It was rude, inappropriate, and plain ignorant.🤢🤮
I hope you get the ICK for him and find your worth.

Theredfoxfliesatmidnight · 23/09/2024 13:08

🤣 Possibly inappropriate to post this here, but I can't help being reminded of the poster who on the "what does your vagina look like" thread wrote "a punched lasagne" 😄

(Don't come for me for using vagina instead of vulva please)

Theredfoxfliesatmidnight · 23/09/2024 12:33

Tell him he'll have a ballsack hanging down to his knees in a few years!! 😁

Frannyhy · 23/09/2024 12:25

I had a flatmate who was an outie. She bought someone home and kicked him out of the door for saying “You’re all hanging out, is there something wrong?”

The row woke me up!

FrauPaige · 23/09/2024 12:15

@FloraCameron Not having watched Naked Attraction for more than 3 minutes is my life's greatest achievement.

FloraCameron · 23/09/2024 12:04

It really pisses me off that women are still led to believe that the 'ideal' genitals should effectively be like those of little girls (all neat and tucked in - preferably with all hair removed, so that it's like the vulva of a child). As we go through puberty and into womanhood, our vulvas change shape and colour. It's entirely normal. If you watch the Channel 4 show 'Naked Attraction' you'll see an astonishing array of shapes. Most men I know LOVE the opposite of the 'little girl' vulva. Much more womanly. I think that your DP's comment was purely observational, but you took it as a criticism. What's interesting is why you interpreted the comment as a negative one. I suspect it's more to do with the sh!T that society - and the media - constantly feed us. You rock! xx

Teanbiscuits33 · 23/09/2024 01:23

I find it hilarious how men genuinely think their cocks can change a woman’s anatomy. How thick are they? 🤣

Begsthequestion · 23/09/2024 01:09

"No of course it wasn't you, my dear...[shrug] I guess I'm just in full bloom." 😅

FrauPaige · 23/09/2024 00:59

Wilterh93 · 21/01/2024 21:59

Without going into too much detail, dp and me were messing around and he said ‘I can see your labia now, it hangs out a little bit now, did I cause that? It used to be like this when you were a virgin (uses his fingers to insinuate a neat vagina) but now it’s like this (uses fingers to show labia poking out)’.

He didn’t mean it in a malicious way and was saying it with a laugh on his face but it instantly embarrassed me and I hid behind the shower curtain. When I was upset/annoyed about it he said I’m too sensitive and need to grow up and that it’s not a bad thing.

I’m not upset about the technicalities of what he said. I’m nearly a 30 year old woman ofcourse my vagina will not look how it did as a teenage virgin. I just feel that it was an unnecessary comment that he didn’t need to make, especially in a vulnerable moment when I was naked. He found it innocent and said it’s not a bad thing but I know he would never say that to another woman. I feel with me he has no filter.

Am I being unreasonable to be slightly offended/upset about this? How would you feel if your partner made a comment like this? I think it doesn’t help that I’m quite self conscious of my body and insecure. During sex I’ve learned to not worry because he’s never made a comment like that but now im going to feel slightly awkward when he’s near that region …

He needs to up his game - he's beome complacent

And I certainly hope he gets to the gym 3 times a week, brushes his teeth twice a day, and showers at least once a day. Glass houses and all that

kkloo · 24/01/2024 03:55

Deathbyfluffy · 21/01/2024 23:56

I’m a man, and that’s nonsense I’m afraid - we’re not all driven giddy by the sight of genitalia!

I honestly wouldn't expect men with mumsnet accounts to be driven giddy by the sight of a vagina!

QueenCamilla · 24/01/2024 03:40

@JFDIYOLO
Clearly preferring the look of a teen virgin

What now?
My outie labia minora look exactly the same now (after children, late 30s) as it did when I was a teenage virgin.

Clueless. Many posters from this thread need to head over to "Common knowledge things I only just learned about".

QueenBitch666 · 24/01/2024 03:10

SweetFemaleAttitude · 21/01/2024 23:54

Tell him his droopy balls look like onions. They make you want to cry.

Grin
QueenBitch666 · 24/01/2024 03:05

Massive ick with this comment. What an immature insensitive prick

RedCanna · 24/01/2024 00:45

@Josette77 Thank you. I know you're right.

But it was gutting reading all these posts interpreting his comment as an insult.

Josette77 · 23/01/2024 21:41

RedCanna · 23/01/2024 14:17

Fuck me this thread is misery-making. I have large, long labia minora. Since I was aged about 11 and definitely a virgin.

I asked here whether I am a bad feminist for wanting labiaplasty - and was told I should love my fanny regardless; all vulvas are different, all bodies are beautiful and anyone who has ever insulted my 'lady parts' (they have) is an ignorant oaf.

Yet here this thread makes it implicitly and explicitly clear in the language used, and the contexts therein, that deep down many/most believe that vulvas like mine are messy, ugly, aging and worthy of criticism 😩

Talk about triggering one's insecurities.

Some of these women don't even understand their own anatomy. Please ignore.

This thread is sad and depressing and full of ignorance.

As a bisexual woman I can say I have never seen an ugly vulva. They are all beautiful and sexy.

Please don't let some silly women here make you feel bad.

I have a large labia and it's not messy or gross, it's luscious and sensual.

Don't let any one make you feel bad about your body.

BritneyBookClubPresident · 23/01/2024 21:24

RonObvious · 21/01/2024 22:10

Doesn’t really matter whether he was being malicious or not. He made a comment about her body that upset her, and his response was that she was too sensitive and needed to grow up. If my husband accidentally said something that upset me, he’d be mortified and apologetic.

This

auntyElle · 23/01/2024 20:55

MarilynBoo · 23/01/2024 16:55

Did the OP ever respond on this thread? Or are they too busy reading all these descriptions of vulvas? 🤔

Have you not tried "OP posts: click all"?

If you had, you'd know that OP hasn't replied. Possibly because, as she explained, she found her partner's behaviour upsetting, and some comments since may have only added to that.

Dantedisciple · 23/01/2024 18:45

Sceptical123 · 23/01/2024 15:06

I’m sorry you feel that way @RedCanna please don’t. The reason ppl are angry with OP’s OH and sympathising with her to such a degree I’d guess is bc he has pointed out a change in her body (the area of which is quite emotionally sensitive for most ppl) and done so derisively. He was implying that it had changed over the years which points to the effects of ageing, but not in a positive way. If OP had been born with this normal anatomical feature (which of course is natural and many, many women have it) and her OH had made a negative comment ppl would be attacking him for being so judgemental and non-accepting and more than likely influenced by pornographic images where these types of vulvas aren’t as commonly featured. It is such a shame that porn seems to dictate preferences and even ‘educate’ men to such an alarming degree.

No vulva is messy, ugly, aging and worthy of criticism. ALL vulvas are incredible, special, beautiful and amazing as they are capable of feats penises will never be able to replicate - prime example -giving birth. Whether women choose to use theirs for this is completely their choice but there may be a subconscious element to the male psyche that hasn’t been talked about much and perhaps should be - jealousy.

There you go we’ve now moved onto VULVA ENVY! 🥳😂👍🏻✨

The reason RedCanna is upset is because posters have insulted her labia. They have done that because they wanted to make the OP's DH the villain. They had to make out he was being insulting the OP when he wasn't.
In wanting to bring down a man, posters have upset a woman. Great work.

MarilynBoo · 23/01/2024 16:55

Did the OP ever respond on this thread? Or are they too busy reading all these descriptions of vulvas? 🤔

Sceptical123 · 23/01/2024 15:10

I realise the vagina is not technically part of the anatomy of the vulva but you know what I mean I hope 🤷🏼‍♀️☺️

Sceptical123 · 23/01/2024 15:06

RedCanna · 23/01/2024 14:17

Fuck me this thread is misery-making. I have large, long labia minora. Since I was aged about 11 and definitely a virgin.

I asked here whether I am a bad feminist for wanting labiaplasty - and was told I should love my fanny regardless; all vulvas are different, all bodies are beautiful and anyone who has ever insulted my 'lady parts' (they have) is an ignorant oaf.

Yet here this thread makes it implicitly and explicitly clear in the language used, and the contexts therein, that deep down many/most believe that vulvas like mine are messy, ugly, aging and worthy of criticism 😩

Talk about triggering one's insecurities.

I’m sorry you feel that way @RedCanna please don’t. The reason ppl are angry with OP’s OH and sympathising with her to such a degree I’d guess is bc he has pointed out a change in her body (the area of which is quite emotionally sensitive for most ppl) and done so derisively. He was implying that it had changed over the years which points to the effects of ageing, but not in a positive way. If OP had been born with this normal anatomical feature (which of course is natural and many, many women have it) and her OH had made a negative comment ppl would be attacking him for being so judgemental and non-accepting and more than likely influenced by pornographic images where these types of vulvas aren’t as commonly featured. It is such a shame that porn seems to dictate preferences and even ‘educate’ men to such an alarming degree.

No vulva is messy, ugly, aging and worthy of criticism. ALL vulvas are incredible, special, beautiful and amazing as they are capable of feats penises will never be able to replicate - prime example -giving birth. Whether women choose to use theirs for this is completely their choice but there may be a subconscious element to the male psyche that hasn’t been talked about much and perhaps should be - jealousy.

There you go we’ve now moved onto VULVA ENVY! 🥳😂👍🏻✨

Nevermind31 · 23/01/2024 14:58

You know when we first got together your balls were up here/ your penis would go this high, now it is here. Did you use it too much?

RedCanna · 23/01/2024 14:17

Fuck me this thread is misery-making. I have large, long labia minora. Since I was aged about 11 and definitely a virgin.

I asked here whether I am a bad feminist for wanting labiaplasty - and was told I should love my fanny regardless; all vulvas are different, all bodies are beautiful and anyone who has ever insulted my 'lady parts' (they have) is an ignorant oaf.

Yet here this thread makes it implicitly and explicitly clear in the language used, and the contexts therein, that deep down many/most believe that vulvas like mine are messy, ugly, aging and worthy of criticism 😩

Talk about triggering one's insecurities.