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Original poster

I’m leaving DH but kids don’t want to come with me

211 replies

Flabbymummy1 · 19/01/2024 19:34

I’m leaving DH through the night we have 3 dc’s together. I’m the main earner and because of this he has been the main caregiver. He has controlled my kids so much and turned them against me they hate me so much. He undermines me in front of them so they just think I’m a joke.

Do I just take 1 year old ds? the older two won’t come with me? He is saying I won’t see my kids ever again.

I’ve booked and Airbnb for a week then I will have to sort out some housing.

OP posts:
Dacadactyl · 19/01/2024 19:44

Flabbymummy1 · 19/01/2024 19:43

He will say your mums a rubbish mum she hasn’t made you any dinner yet. Whilst I’m working all day and he’s sat on the sofa. Will say I’m a tramp and that I don’t care about them and all I care about is myself.

It isn’t the truth I love them to bits I just feel trapped by him. He always calls me his slave because he doesn’t have to work.

The kids are all on his side, they have seen him grab me by the neck and chuck me across the floor and they seen me cry but they were just holding on to him.

You are fleeing an abusive situation then, which is different. You need legal advice.

CoffeeatIKEA · 19/01/2024 19:43

A family court judge can force your stbxh to make the kids who live with him available for contact with you.
Get an appointment with a family law solicitor as soon as possible.

Original poster
Flabbymummy1 · 19/01/2024 19:43

He will say your mums a rubbish mum she hasn’t made you any dinner yet. Whilst I’m working all day and he’s sat on the sofa. Will say I’m a tramp and that I don’t care about them and all I care about is myself.

It isn’t the truth I love them to bits I just feel trapped by him. He always calls me his slave because he doesn’t have to work.

The kids are all on his side, they have seen him grab me by the neck and chuck me across the floor and they seen me cry but they were just holding on to him.

OP posts:
Itsnotallaboutyoulikeyouthink · 19/01/2024 19:41

You take them all with you.

Starlightstarbright2 · 19/01/2024 19:41

go for 50/ 50 care build your relationship ..

all the children are too young to decide .as he is the main carer they need to see him too .

trollopolis · 19/01/2024 19:41

I think it is entirely normal for DC to want to stay with the main caregiver, and I think it would be wrong to split up siblings

However, they do need contact with both parents, so perhaps you need to be reflecting on how residency can be shared. In your favour is a presumption that negotiations start at 50/50 (rather than non-main care giver rarely getting more than EOW and a night a week)

RowanMayfair · 19/01/2024 19:40

They are young enough to change their minds. However you must bear in mind if he's the main carer and unless you have strong evidence of the abuse he's likely to get them back home with him (in the family home) if he goes to court. Maybe not worth the stress and expense of going through that process.

Dacadactyl · 19/01/2024 19:40

In what way does he control them? Surely is it not that they feel closer to him as the primary caregiver?

Original poster
Flabbymummy1 · 19/01/2024 19:38

The other two are 7 & 5 but they are so controlled by him I can’t do anything about it.

OP posts:
RowanMayfair · 19/01/2024 19:35

How old are they?
sadly if they don't want to come and they are old enough to make problems for you safety wise then I think you'll have to leave them.
If they are under 10 I would find a way to get them out when he's not there and just take them and you can work on deprogramming them but much older than that you run the risk that they will prevent you safely getting away.

Theunamedcat · 19/01/2024 19:35

Take the one year old he sounds toxic but you need to figure something out moving forward

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