I’m leaving DH but kids don’t want to come with me

You AND your children need protection from this violent man. In no circumstances should you leave the relationship and not take the children with you. You have no idea how much his violence will escalate and who will be his target without you there.

You can't just take off in the middle of the night and leave your children with an abuser.

Take the baby and get a solicitor quick. You need to get into family court.

He has physically assaulted you and he'll be extra angry now you're leaving him. Please take the children with you. Can ylu afford to book leave off work and take them on "holiday" (e.g. An air bnb). You just need bonding time, they love you really. When it's just you four they'll start to feel safe and see that you are strong and able to protect them.

He is abusive. Take them all and contact the police. Contact a solicitor. Report everything. Dont leave small children with an abusive man

Absolutely take them with you. They're too young to make the decision. You'll be leaving them in an abusive situation - the same one you're trying to leave. Make the decision for them. Sending you love.

Ignore what the children might want: they are not old enough to make a good decision. You as the adult decide what is best for them.

If police and social workers have been involved there is already evidence of the abuse. Do not stay to gather evidence.

Ok so he’s been violent to you, what I would do, which may be right or wrong, is lie to the children to get the car with me and then take them to stay somewhere else where he couldn’t find us and tell them it’s a holiday until the judge decides what should happen and then get a lawyer to argue for full custody on the basis that he is violent and emotionally abusive and that he is deliberately doing parental alienation.

Speak to Women’s Aid and the police to explain the situation (and get your side of the story heard by the police before he tells his).

Have you hired a family law solicitor? If not do so asap.

Ring womens aid or ask your social worker for help. He is clearly abusive and you need to take the children.

You need to start documenting everything. Take photos of any physical injuries you have. Can you set some covert hidden cameras around the house to record any abuse?

Please take them with you. If he’s abused you, he could abuse them.

It takes a lot of courage but you can and must leave - you're making steps in the right direction but just take all your kids and go, without looking back. As others have said a women's shelter is what you need. It may be hard for the older kids initially but one day they will understand why you removed them from that situation. He may call himself the main caregiver but he's an abuser. Best wishes op, you deserve so much more from life - be strong and you will be happy and free again x

Your children don't favour him. They are afraid of him. They are 7 and 5 too small to leave with him. Call women's aid and get them all out with you.

Don’t leave without them even to stay in an air bnb for a week. You need to get some legal advice and also call womens aid for advice.

OP, is there a cultural context here where children are thought to belong to the father/father’s extended family in the event of a divorce? If so, there might be culturally specific groups around to help mothers in your situation?

If they stay with him, he will make you pay for child maintenance for them. In fact this is a reason why It’s in his interest to get them to stay.

If you leave without them you won't get them back of he is like this.

Find a way to take them with you.

Or change the locks when he's out.

Absolutely this. Get out and then call them and say you need help. They will at the very least refer you to a DV support service who can write you a supporting letter for legal aid and can feed into any court reports if you work with them. For family court processes you need evidence of DV, and working with a social worker or DV service can be considered evidence especially if you have police reports in the past too.

Yes, take them to a women’s refuge. It does sound like he’s being abusive.

Will you have to give up your job if you take them all with you?

Are you able to get away with them - is he ever not around?

Social services will support you if they can see you’re leaving the relationship and want to provide your kids with a safe home

Goodness how horrible. He physically assaulted. Would have reported him to police. Build evidence. These men are so conniving in every way possible. You should get legal advice, woman's aid first. Domt leave the house without any of your kids.

Nope, scrap that. If he’s throwing you across the room in front of the kids then you really need to take them all with you, possibly to a women’s refuge.
Have you spoken to women’s aid or the police?

They are being abused by him too. They will cling to him because he's dangerous and it's safer to appease the dangerous man. Do you have any evidence of this abuse?