I’m leaving DH but kids don’t want to come with me

F

Realistically I think the best thing to go for is 50/50. This is what courts are likely to order if it goes that far. Yes even with dv if the kids themselves have not been hurt. So get yourself a place you can have them and tell him it is 50/50, go to court for that if he makes trouble. i have an ex who initially spoke badly about me (and was found guilty of assault against me). part of the court agreement addressed not bad mouthing the other parent, he had to take anger management too.
your kids are all young enough for this to be reversed.

Take them all. They are not old enough to have say in it. You can win them around once you get them away from his toxic influence.

What do you mean he will lose them? What do you think social services would do?

Call social services because then HE will lose them. tell them about the alienating

I'm in similar sytuation but kids over the age of 13 completely twisted kids against me. Domestic violence had been going for years kids swear to me exactly the same how he did and disrespect me. If you stay it will get worse because they will get older. Get out now. SS left me with everything to sort out because kids are safe and doing well saying should be 50/50. I'm having refuge domestic violence help now and will be trying to move out unfortunatelly on my own as I won't change my kids decision.

No. Do not leave your kids with an abuser.

Call the police and get social involved.. Honestly as it is the kids would be better off removed then that home.

I say this as a former foster kid.

That is abuse, you are in an abusive relationship. There are charities and people that can help you. Have you thought about Claires Law? Your children are not safe with that man. How long will it be before he turns on them? Have you got family that can help you get them all away from him?

Speak to women's aid or similar and get a refuge instead. He won't know your whereabouts and this will give you some breathing room and they can look at DA support programmes for your little ones.

When was the last time he was physical with you?

If you are in immediate danger then please leave, but if not you need to get the police and SS involved and get HIM to leave.

If you leave, then of course the kids are going to see you in a bad light.

If the police/SS force him to leave, they may be mad with you but not as mad as if you leave.

Please ring women’s aid and ask for their advice.

I wouldn’t judge you for leaving but he is the one who has done wrong and you shouldn’t have to leave your home and kids over it.

You need to take all three children. He will play one off against the other because you aren't there to target.
He will ruin their relationship with each other because it has to be about him.
It's how they work.

@Flabbymummy1

Take all the children. At that age they're very easily influenced by whomever is right in front of them, especially with calm words and gentle affection, but it will take time. Don't 'badmouth their dad', just continually verbally reinforce the various ways parents show that they care for their children and point out to them the ways in which do this.

Contact WA for advice and see a solicitor IMMEDIATELY and discuss parental alienation with them. You'll need to get some kind of court order guaranteeing you access and setting out a schedule. You won't be able to keep him from seeing them indefinitely. If you don't file for orders, chances are that he will. Remember that both parents have equal access to the children, and absent court orders you cannot force one parent to allow the other parent to see the children or to turn the children over to them.

Keep calling the police!

You're going to lose them anyway to a narcissist if you don't keep calling them police.

If you don't take them away then I wouldn't be leaving them with him!! You need a longer plan.

Speak to womens aid!

they dont know whats best at their age theyre only little-take them and lgo to a refuge-phone the police for all the abuse and see a solicitor

Don’t leave the children with him he is abusing them as well. At 7 and 5 they are not old enough to make any decision. They only want to stay with him because it’s all they know and no child ever wants to leave their home.

i’m so sorry you’re in this situation, but I hope you can get some good advice from women’s aid and a solicitor as to what to do

FFS, they're 7 and 5 and he's abusive. They have NO idea what they really want and even less idea what's in their best interest. My 5YO doesn't even know what she wants for breakfast most days.You absolutely must get all 4 of you to safety. Your judgement is clouded by his abuse. Go to a refuge if needed but get yourself and all 3 of your kids out of there. Please don't leave those poor babies with him. Have some self-belief. You are by far the better choice for them I promise. Be strong xx

Please don’t leave any of your children with them, he is abusing you all.

make it into an adventure and take all the children with you. Don’t tell them you are leaving their dad, just tell them it’s an adventure you are going on,

Please take all the children with you. I agree with PP tell them it's just a holiday or a trip or anything. Try to get into a refuge.
Let the police know what your doing.
Get a solicitor. Let social services know you're leaving an abusive man and you are scared.

https://solicitors.lawsociety.org.uk/

please take them.."happy holiday" you dont need tell em "leaving dad" why through night?does he know?
get womans aid/refuged as soon as possible. air b and b ok for a wee holiday.you are so brave.they need you.

I would definitely involve social services, OP. He sounds horrendous.

You should involve the police, too, if he's at all violent towards you.

Under no circumstances leave your kids behind. It will bite you in the behind so badly when you go to court.

Take them, take them now.

I very much suspect that there instinct is to cling to him because they sense that they must show loyalty to him FOR FEAR OF REPRISALS IF THEY DON'T. Even if they don't understand this in a logical way, they have seen what happens to you when you displease him.

They are afraid and being controlled and manipulated by an abuser. Please don't leave them with him. Once they realise that they are safe with you, you will see them relax and be better placed to show you love.

50/50 long term. Legal advice short term. But do not leave them.

If you are going to an AirBnB for a week, please make sure that nobody can start saying you've 'left the home and kids'. This narrative won't help you. Frame it as a week's break and make sure people around you know that this is all it is. Use that time to get legal advice.

He's already abusing them, mentally. You need to get out and take them with you.

surely using social services must be in your interest?

If you can get them away from him they will see it for what it is eventually