I’m leaving DH but kids don’t want to come with me

He's abusive you can't leave 2 children with him.

@Flabbymummy1 Your 5 &7 yo are being abused by their dad and you think you have to leave them?

Pack bags for them, you and your baby, tell them you're going on a short break. Plop them in your car and never take them back.

Your DH is a piece of.... let him challenge you for access.

You deserve better and so do your children. They will come round cos they'll see how hard you work and how well you look after them.

Sending a hug and the best of luck x

Don't fall for his mind games. You're a good mum and the kids need protecting from him. All 3 kids need to be with you. Thinking of you OP. It must be a horrible situation to be in but please take the advice you've been given here.

Meant to quote this

This !

Sounds like this has been going on a long time. Your dcs have been living in a toxic environment. This is what happens when children are brought up in this situation - you should have removed them a long time ago, especially if you are the main wage earner, as you could have left him and taken them with you before they were manipulated. They’ve probably seen and experienced so much.

Hi,

I was your kids! My dad was abusive and I wanted to stay with him

I was forced to leave him, the police actually took me away to my mum and Gran's house.

As an adult, with my own kids, I’m so glad I was forced to go with my mum.

It didn’t take long but I felt better once I was away from my dad. I was primary school age.

I know my life has been so much better with my mum! My dad would have ended up controlling me too

Please take your kids with you x

I'm so sorry.

I have no advice, I just wanted to tell you that you are amazing. Having the strength to walk away is extraordinary. No matter what this man tells you, that makes you a brilliant mother.

You have to take them, you can't leave them with a violent abusive man.

Bribe them to get them in the car if necessary. Tell them you're all going to mcdonalds or something that they will want to do.

Get the mcdonalds as promised, then go to the travelodge.

'How exciting, let's have an adventure and stay in a hotel! You can watch TV for as long as you want while we all snuggle on the bed'

Once you're there, and safe, and they're asleep, call women's aid.

The kids would have been better off being taken away.
They would not have witnessed their father maltreating their mother.
You could then have left and sought out contact again.

I would still involve Social Services.

You cannot leave your children with a violent man who has thrown you across the room by your throat.

They don't favour him; they are scared of him.

Call Women's Aid and ask for help fleeing an abusive marriage with your children. Seek urgent legal advice RE getting him out of the house and away from you and the kids.

Do not leave your very young children with a violent man. I can't imagine that social services or the courts would look favourably upon this when weighing up your version of events.

You confidence and self esteem are at rock bottom, as evidenced even by your user name. You and your children deserve SO much more. Don't leave the kids with him, they are too young to make a decision. Work out a plan, seek legal advice if you can. You can explain to them later how abnormal their father's behaviour is.....

Unless you are in danger, you are not yet ready to leave. Sort accommodation first then leave will your children.

Don’t discuss with your children where they want to stay, they are far too young to be burdened with such a big decision.

if you are in danger, take them all to McDonald’s for a treat and do not go back.

@Flabbymummy1 please don’t leave your one year old to get this treatment and one day your elder children will know their dad for who he is! I wish you all the luck in the world in your journey and hope you heal from this man and his behaviour.

Have you read the updated post?

Just reposting I hope you’re ok op.

He is abusing them, she's already set that out on the thread.

Just because you’re the mum, it doesn’t automatically mean you get custody. Harsh but true. If he cares for them full time and they’re old enough to choose then surely you can see you have to leave them behind, unless he’s abusing them of course. Hope you get it sorted.

No. Neither parent can report the other for kidnap. If there's a court order in place they can go back to court to recover the kids but it's not usually a criminal matter, it's civil. If one parent removes the child from the jurisdiction without consent that's a different matter but just taking them away from their home isn't kidnap.

The children are very young, take them if you can and contact women’s aid for advice.

I’m unsure about what I’m going to say but could he report your for kidnapping and taking the kids out of their house against their will? I’d be very worried about doing this without legal advice that this can’t go against me

Police can't force him to leave unless they arrest him and they can't do that unless she reports a crime and it meets the threshold for bail conditions. Social services can't make him leave under any circumstances.

It’s a domestic abuse situation and the kids are very young, too young to make a decision like that when they are in an emotional place. I think you should take all of them whilst getting support from social services who would support you to find a safe place away from your ‘D’ H. It sounds like the kids are already being emotionally abused by him which could escalate if you aren’t there.

If he is abusive which you have said he is, you need to just take them all with you OP. I wouldn't feel safe to leave them with him once you have left the family home. They are all very young and have witnessed domestic violence at his hands, he is not fit to be left to parent them.