I’m leaving DH but kids don’t want to come with me

Pretty sure most judges would consider that alienation of affection and take a dim view of his behaviour.

Take your kids and enjoy your life together, they will soon see home life is different without him there.
You tell kids of that age what they need to do, they don't tell you.
Don't leave them there it will mentally scar them

Please get legal advice and take the baby for now.
Most children eventually realise the toxic parent, it may take years and it may never happen but you can only do what you think is best right now.
I wish the best @Flabbymummy1 with what ever you decide 🌺

There's really no wonder women find it so hard to leave pricks like this when people spout so much utter bullshit and fearmonger so much. The law doesn't give a shit about dads. It is heavily in favour of mum and even if (and it's a big if) dad gets a court order it isn't worth the paper it's written on anyway. Nothing should stop OP leaving this man and having no contact with him ever again. This is the only option that won't result in these children being severely damaged.

I hope you are safe tonight OP. Please call the police if not. And please reach out to services who can help you. The National Centre for Domestic Violence will be able to advise and help. Your children are too young to be able to make a decision for themselves in this. You need to protect them and that means reaching out for understanding and support so you know what your options are.

Tel 08009702070 (24 hour helpline)
Text NCDV to 60777
www.ncdv.org.uk

If you leave, you need to take them all with you
At 7 and 5, they don't hate you.
They love you and are afraid of their DF
Contact Woman's aid for advice
If SS have been involved before, they will see it as positive that you are protecting your DC from DV, so I would call and ask for the duty SW asap

Omg you cannot leave them with him! If he’s abusive he could abuse them too.

If he's violent it's surely not safe to leave them with him? Once you're not there to throw around the room he might take his nasty temper out on the DC. I'd be taking them with me and ringing a Woman's refuge. They can help you.

This.

I would tread very carefully.

The courts won't look kindly on you removing them from their primary carer. This could well backfire.

Even if you had evidence of abuse it will be incredibly difficult. I had independent witness statements, bruises, CCTV...it counted for nothing. The system is stacked against women, especially if he's the main care giver.

If I was you I would play the long game. Go for 50/50 and build your relationship. There is a real risk of you just getting EOW if you don't.

If your children have seen him throwing you across the room, and he's emotionally manipulating them, he's a domestic abuse perpetrator. No two ways about it. He's emotionally abusing your children. Call women's aid, get a solicitor, call safeguarding if you're comfortable doing this. He's the one who should be leaving, not you and not the children. If however you feel its safer for you to leave, take your children with you. If he's abusing you infront of the children, if he's trying to turn them against you, he's not just abusing you, he's also abusing your children! Get yourself and them away from the abusive git!

They're 5 and 7 not teenagers! She's their mum. Of course she hasn't lost the fight at all. She needs to step up and get them away from this abusive man. Defeatest shit like this is really not going to help her

Exactly. I don't want to stick the knife in but my heart breaks for the kids in this. A highly emotionally and physically abusive dad. A mum who has ridiculously overinflated expectations of their emotional maturity to a point that she's almost also emotionally abusing them herself and refusing to protect them. Who's going to do what's right for these poor babies???

He's twat but you might have lost this fight already. Take the little one, he has been poisoning the minds of the other two for a long time. It will hurt kiddo, unbelievably so and you have a hard job to repair that damage. Good luck kid it ain't going to be easy but you can make your babies life better by being away from him

I appreciate that the trauma of your situation make should feel you have to flee but 💯 you need to take the other children. Or get him arrested and removed from the home (ideal outcome)

The children are very small and will be so much happier without ghat abusive arse in their lives. Children just repeat what they're told. In reality they're scared and needing you to rescue them from their nightmare.

Other posters will have better Intel on exactly how to do this but surely there are some public agencies who can assist?

Hi OP, have you sought any professional support before?

Not necessarily from the police, but from domestic abuse services?

They are there to help you. Tell us who you've spoken to so far and we can help you from there.

Go to the police and get SS involved;they will help you get custody of your children.

I think you need a better plan in place. Go to the police discuss previous issues and see if you can get a plan in place. He sounds dangerous what if he starts treating your children that way once you have gone. Contact womens aid and gingerbread single parent charity. Sort your housing elsewhere first. I would take all 3 they will thank you for it in the long run.

The kids are all on his side, they have seen him grab me by the neck and chuck me across the floor and they seen me cry but they were just holding on to him.

They're not on his side. They're just too little to fully comprehend what's going on

Get a refuge place and take all three children. Apply to the courts for an occupation order and have him removed from the property. Apply for an injunction against him and move yourself and the three kids back home. See him in court regarding contact. Cafcas will be involved and as there was previous social work involvement you will probably find that they will agree that you are to be the main carer, going forward and he will get access. You can get a mackenzie friend to advocate for you if you can't afford a lawyer. He won't get legal aid so will have to advocate for himself. Sell family home, give him his share and move to cheap area of the country. Womens aid will support you through this process DONOT LEAVE THE KIDS WITH HIM!! You will regret it for the rest of your life and won't ever get full custody again.

OP I would move to other end of the country to refuge, start again. Don't tell him where you are

Contact a refuge and take them all. He grabbed you by the neck and threw you across the floor. They are not safe

You don't need to change their minds. They are far far far far too young to decide. Take them. Abandoning them now will be seen as really really bad by the courts. Thinking they are old enough to decide will be seen S really bad by the courts. Take them.

Leave and take the children. They may be going along with him because they are scared. Even if that’s not the case you they need to be removed from his influence. Call social services and ask for their support in getting you all out together. If there is previous social services records and police records they will very likely believe your version of events and not his. They will also have the expertise to guide you through leaving an abuser and they can support the children and refer the children for support from other agencies.

I hope you and your children can get to safety.

he will want to keep the children, so he can continue sitting on the sofa knowing you are working very hard to pay for him!

Tell them you are going for a treat of some kind if you have to but take them with you!!

They are too young to understand. He is manipulating them.

Good luck xx