I’m leaving DH but kids don’t want to come with me

Well done for getting out
Get advice from womens aid or NCDV if you need it and inform SS as soon as you can
They will see you are safeguarding your DC and will help you

Why on Earth would you leave your kids with an abusive parent? Regardless of what they think they want...

Please report the most recent abuse. Well done for taking such a big step

@Flabbymummy1

I'm wondering whether it would be in your interests to ring the number for the Duty Social Worker today, just to let them know what has happened.

So proud of you op. Well done. Please try to get your daughter to safety when you can. Leaving one behind puts your safeguarding concerns into doubt, from a legal perspective. The courts would wonder why you felt safe to leave one

Well done OP. Stay as calm & reassuring as you can fir the kids. Try again for your dd soon she’s better off with you. Are there other family men that can talk to her? It’s a very confusing & scary situation for her too

As you say that you are leaving 'through the night', does that mean that you have now left and are elsewhere?

If you are still at home, are you safe?

What is the situation today?

@Serrina

I mean the court view it as disruptive to the family. There will be all kinds of evidence and what not needed. Also they will view if he is abusive towards the children I have had a few solicitors tell me that they will not stop contact with fathers unless direct child abuse has taken place. Unfortunately OP is in a vulnerable situation the father in this case is the main care giver so that is why I am saying she needs to be careful sometimes the court system can be incredibly cruel. So the best bet would be to atleast offer supervised contact. And put other things in place. Just because your experience meant that your children didn't have to see the other parent does not mean that everyone's situation is the same unfortunately.

Fgs talk to a lawyer.

"Can't just take the kids away"?? Yes you can, especially if he's being abusive. Plenty of us have done just that.

Contact a specific domestic violence solicitor.

They will put an emergency appeal in for a non molestation order in. Submit previous police reports as evidence.
Get out of there even if it is a hotel or get him removed.
Then you need to contact the local authority explain what's going on but know there is no option back then without loosing your children. Ask them what to do in regards to contact as you don't want to cause harm to the children. Speak to your work or get signed off. You need time and go and see what you are entitled to without him in your life. You need support with childcare now too.

You can't just take the kids away even if he's being awful unfortunately I have learnt the hard way even with your own children there are processes to follow. This is your wake up call it is so much better being alone with your children than putting up with this

DO NOT LEAVE YOUR CHILDREN WITH THIS VIOLENT ABUSIVE MAN TAKE THEM WITH YOU THEY CLING TO HIM BECAUSE THEY ARE TERRIFIED OF HIM DO NOT LEAVE THEM

Don't leave them OP. What they say and what they think at 5 and 7 are two different things. Go to court for at least 50/50. Ideally report him to the police. They are probably terrified of him and not of you - hence they take his side. I grew up in a warped house like this. Children often back the abuser because they are trained to do so. Don't talk to them about this. Talk to them about normal stuff. Do nice things with them. They'll come round.

You’ve got proof with the police records that he is abusive and you aren’t just saying it now to get custody. Call Womens Aid.

I really hope you've either got out with all your children, or you can do so this morning.
You're (rightly), trying to flee a toxic and abusive situation. You can't leave the little ones to face that without you.

CHANGE THEIR SCHOOLS ALSO!

First of all I am so sorry you are in this situation it must be so hard for you. It’s completely unacceptable for your DH to talk badly of you to your children. It’s actually cruel to them. And horrendous for you.

im glad you have the strength and means to leave him. Have you thought about having a free half hour appointment with three different solicitors for advice? I did this (for my divorce though) and although 2 were terrible as were Citizens Advice, the 3rd was amazing and i booked an hour with her after that and felt so tooled up and supported. It changed everything a I realised I had so many more rights than the other solicitors thought.

Your older children are actually so young. I worry that if you leave they will always remember and see it as you left them.

My advice to you is stick with all three of your children (don’t let DH drive you out) and get legal advice but from a great family solicitor to get you in a strong long term position and give you a solid plan.

If it’s safe to do so, stay a few more weeks until you have a strong plan in place.

Best of luck, I really feel for you, your ex is not a good man at all. You are first and foremost a mother and also work hard and please don’t let him take your 5 and 7 year olds away from you. They are not secondary school age with their own minds yet.

Take care xx

Why doesn't he work? Who controls the money you bring in to the family?

It's not that the kids prefer him over you. It's they are scared shitless what he might do to them if they took your side. Don't leave them there to deal with his wrath. Is any of this a culture issue, where he feels entitled to the children, or his family does?

Get help! Women's abuse services, a solicitor, a private detective, whatever /whomever you can get. Start putting your phone on record so you can record him saying and doing these things. Is it possible to get hidden cameras in a couple of places in the house where the feed can be stored off-site?

These children are incredibly vulnerable. Alternatively call the police and ask them to remove DH due to abusive behaviour. He can leave the home. The police can make him.

Report the most recent abuse. He is controlling the kids coercively. Please take them with you.

Okay — just seeing your update about the domestic abuse. OP, your children really are too young to be left behind. If you do leave them, you would be proving him right that you in fact do not care about them. Your children will see it this way. It’s highly likely that they are “attached” to him as a form of survival… they know he’s dangerous and he could turn on them. It’s survival instincts.

my advice? Pack your children ALL UP and leave. Do not leave any child behind.

Why are you leaving in this manner? Are you worried for your safety? Couldn’t you sort this out in the light of day and file for divorce?

She can't change the locks and police will only remove him if he's committed a crime and it meets the threshold for bail conditions. She needs to leave and plan once she's out.

Please please please do t Leave them with him. Contact women's aid. Don't leave family home
Just yet. Do the freedom program, work on your self esteem, see a good family lawyer ?(save for this if you need to )

Do NOT make rash decisions!! Talk on here anytime