I’m leaving DH but kids don’t want to come with me

Hi, how are you doing now? Did you manage to get DD?

She has, but refuges and women's aid can still support her

But OP has already left.

@CharlotteBog I don't see what the problem is? She gave helpful advice. The OP doesn't just need tea and sympathy, she needs constructive advice.

Reading OP's latest post I interpret that it could mean that she does have all 3 kids, that dd didn't want to go but is with her anyway. I hope I'm right...

@Flabbymummy1

OP

Have you been in touch with the Duty Social Worker in your area over the weekend?

If not, do get in touch with them in the morning.

Go to the school on Monday and collect your daughter at lunch time. I have done thus with women when I worked in Domestic Abusr. He won't be expecting it.

Yes, do this. You need to otherwise you could loose your daughter to him. He is likely to start on her once she stops being the malleable child she currently is.

What makes you say she will lose her daughter? She is too young to make that decision herself.

Yes, do this. You need to otherwise you could loose your daughter to him. He is likely to start on her once she stops being the malleable child she currently is.

Edit. I see that you got out. Good; now work on your relationship with your kids.

Read the thread, or at least OP's posts.
Why would you just launch in with your advice on such a sensitive thread?

Get evidence of this emotional and verbal abuse before you leave.

Get advice from women's aid.

Can you not go to one of their refuges? They aren't just for physical abuse.

Let him hit you again and call the police. That's what I would do . He should leave not you.

I'm so glad to hear you've left the perp! If you can at some point soon contact social services to remove your daughter to a place of safety, which is with you! Good luck, I sincerely hope all goes well for you and your kids! It will be difficult as I'm sure you know, but stick it out it'll be worth it in the end!

At the age your children are you would have been better off taking all three. They're not old enough to make huge life decisions like that. Go and see a solicitor and mention coercive control.

First thing Monday morning go down to the local council and tell them you've fled domestic violence and have nowhere to stay. Then take it from there. Get your DD out of there as well, if that means getting the police to escort you to the house then so be it.

Ah so you you weren't asking why,you were asking why she wouldn't do what you think she should do. That makes sense.

I think if you work on typing out what you actually mean, it'll be less confusing.

Just say, "I judge you horribly for not dealing with your crisis the way I imagine you should even though I know nothing of the reality of abuse and trauma".

I hope by "the 2 kids" you mean the older two AND the baby. If not, go get your daughter! She will be traumatised knowing you've left her and you'll have given him fuel to poison her with. "See, mummy left you because she doesn't love you like I told you before."

"the kids are on his side" is not an explanation or reason enough for her to think it would be appropriate for the kids to stay with someone that strangers people!!..I know she is in crisis, but she is asking for opinions, and this is way out of order to think leaving the kids with his partner is an option. Why do you think you need to be a dick to me?

@Flabbymummy1

its great that you have got out and managed the get all the kids, enjoy your first night away from him

Am a foster carer and have worked with and done training on trauma , care giving etc.

Children rely on the main care giver to be their safe person. The one you trust to take care of you.
When your children witnessed this you say they clung to him. He is an abuser and they realise that their 'safe person' is not safe and as others have said they learn to appease them, to keep the abuser happy which in turn keeps m themselves safe. It truly screws kids up, and they need good support to overcome it.

Have you reported any of the abuse? Is there documented evidence which would help in taking the children for their safety? I know you need to get out but I'd worry about leaving them with him !

She has explained why.

Why on earth would you post such a dick message to somebody in crisis?

am so glad youve managed to leave .do you mean took 2 reluctant or took 2 and left dd?
regardless-well done. you need to have a wee bit rest. Try to make this the start of happier times for you and the kids. You also really need to call /online chat even to womans aid. The support you will gain from them is essential to you right now. thinking of you-i know how draining it feels-stay positive.xx

PLEASE don't give up on your kids. Ever. Call the police and let social services be involved- they need to be. You and your children are traumatised.

@Flabbymummy1

I'm glad you and 2 of your DC are out. Now you need to work on getting DD out as she will now become the sole focus of his nastiness about you and that's not right or fair for her.