To think my colleagues are being inconsiderate?

I thought the thread would be about your work colleagues annoyed with your for taking a day off for childcare. Not because they didn't ask about your grandad. When I called up work to say I couldn't go in as my cousin died. (It was sudden and unexpected). My manager couldn't give a shit and went so when will you be back. No sorry for your loss or anything. They're not going to care about an elderly man that they don't know I'm afraid.

In my experience there is an expectation that there are contingency plans that mean one parent isnt always off any time there's a childcare issue.

For starters that means both parents sharing the load - does your child's father cover half the days where the childcare goes to pot?

The second part is just being sensible - saving some of your holiday days so you have spare annual leave in case kids are ill etc.

The third part is doing what you can to give yourself back up options - introducing DC to a regular local babysitter who can fill in, befriending DC's friends parents and trading favours. The key here is to be willing to help others wherever you can, and you often find they are willing to help you in return. Eg i take one of my DC friends to an after school group that her parent struggles to manage. In return she's sometimes had my DC back to hers afterschool when my childminder was ill

To be honest, if a colleague had 1 day off due to childcare falling through- ill relative- and they returned the next day as usual: I wouldn’t think it was anything serious at all.

I explained the reason I couldn’t make it in, I work with just females, who give the impression they are kind but not one of them asked how my grandad is, I just got the impression they didn’t give a fuck.

Why is their sex relevant? Do you think that their sex is relevant because you expect more from women? More care, emotional labour etc?

Anyhow. It seems as if they understood that you couldn´t come in and didn´t give you any grief. That is kind.

Asking about your grandfather´s health... Well:

1. They don´t know him, he´s a stranger to them. Why should they ask or care?
2. People´s health is personal and potentially quite sensitive.
3. They probably assumed that you would TELL them if there´s something you wanted to share. Much better than asking a potentially difficult question...

@sockmuncher Well I genuinely like my colleagues, and my job too, just as well since I spend so much time there. It’s nice to look out for each other, I see them more than I do my DH!

One of my colleagues didn't come to work as her girlfriend was ill meaning that she apparently couldn't look after colleagues four year old. I'm afraid we weren't overly impressed. (All female team) it left us in the shit.

I’m sorry about your mum 💐

Do you think all your colleagues were aware that your mum had died?
Perhaps the details of your absence were kept confidential?

Sometimes people will not bring up a death in polite conversation unless the grieving person initiates it.

OP, are any of your colleagues friends as well? How long have your worked together?

If I'd given my colleagues the reason I needed to take leave then I'm pretty sure one or two of them, and certainly my immediate manager would show some concern and ask about it.

I don't think you're being pathetic, but it really depends on the work environment. We are a very informal bunch.

They can be miffed as much as they like, OP is entitled to take emergency family leave.

You're going to see more honesty on an anonymous forum.

Of course in my work I would pretend to care but at the end of the day I would just want to get my shift over.

Some pem afraid
I worked pt at a gps surgery
My mother died suddenly and I let them know that I couldn't come in.
When I did get back to work not one person said 'sorry to hear your sad news '
This was the end for me.

in My work place unless the person told us why they were off personally we don’t know why someone is off as we don’t gossip and phone calls like this are private between the person phoning in to say they won’t be at work and the manager.

my last work place knew why people were off cause they were gossips and unprofessional, this one doesn’t.

i was off for 2 days as my mil passed away and no one knew why I was off.

Yep I recognise that @TygerPassant , I was commenting on the number of posters who said they wouldn’t care about a colleague’s sick family member.

Are your colleagues aware you had time off due to an ill grandfather?

Perhaps they assume it wasn’t serious because you only had 1 day off and now your dad is available for childcare.

Would a manager even tell all staff why someone was off work?

To be fair you did word your reason for missing work as “No childcare due to X” rather than “in hospital with seriously ill relative” or similar.

How much time do you have to take off due to childcare falling through?
Maybe they thought it wasn’t true 😕

Unless you're good friends with your colleagues, a 'Sorry to hear that' from your boss is probably the most I'd expect, to be honest. Also, if people are trying to sort out last minute rota changes etc, they're probably a bit frazzled and just focused on trying to make things work. Then by the time they see you again, they've forgotten the issue because they have a million other things in their own lives that are much more important to them.

They're being pretty good already by covering your shifts when you have childcare issues etc so I think you're being way too precious over this.

Your colleagues shouldn't know the reason why you aren't at work. They may know it's childcare related but they shouldn't know the details. That is private between you and your manager.

Therefore if they don't know your grandfather is ill then they can't ask.

If you have told them about your grandpa and they haven't asked, don't look into it too much. They're just colleagues, not your best mates.

Do you do that after return or do you all go texting the person? Does the LM tell personal matters of others to the team? While we cared and texted etc in my old team, LM would still not say why one person didn't make it in if the rest of the team didn't know. Only way to know would be if the person texted into team chat.
We also often waited until next day not to overwhelm person when we knew something happened, LM usual said something nice like "do you wnat me to say it to the team? we will think of you* when they were notified. Like when my GP died unexpectedly. Even got cards after. But not message on the day. Bless

Nobody cares OP. It’s not their grandad. They are just trying to cover your shift and get on with their day.

If the OP says she ‘tries to cover shifts as much as possible’ but ‘it’s a struggle with childcare’, it’s possible this isn’t a one-off, and her colleagues are getting a bit impatient at having their workload increased.

I try to cover shifts but it’s a struggle with childcare

It’s harsh but you being a mum struggling with childcare is not your workplace’s issue or something you should be given special allowance for.

Have you considered that this is what your colleagues are irritated with?
Were you apologetic about missing shifts?

You need some sort of back up plan rather than relying on your dad. Are you eligible for childcare vouchers? Would you consider using paid childcare?

Presumably your dad will have to take more time off. He’s going to be stretched thinly with the additional responsibilities of his very unwell dad.

These comments make me very glad for my lovely team! We care about each other and ask after poorly relatives, children’s dance competitions and holidays etc. We would ask about your grandad for sure, OP.

Honestly, it’s a race to the bottom on this site.

I'd not be bothered if childcare fell through once. If it was a repeat thing, I'd be bothered. You need to get something sorted.

I wouldn't ask my staff how their grandad was. Parents, kids, yes.

Where is dad? Is he in the picture?

This! I thought you were going to say they had a problem with you missing a one off day, despite general reliability.

Not asking after your grandad is a non issue - they are coworkers not friends.

These comments are quite sad and harsh. I'd care about my colleagues granddad if he was poorly, always have worked in places where people have some feelings and concerns for others. Maybe because it was a childcare thing rather than a poorly granddad thing that's why no one showed much interest

Honestly people are fucking horrible here. OP has “inconvenienced” her colleagues, for gods sake consider what’s going on in her life before you jump in with your shitty comments and laughing emojis.
Kindly OP, YABU. It obviously depends on the usual office dynamics and relationships you have with your colleagues, but tbh a lot of people aren’t very close to grandparents and it wouldn’t occur to them to ask after yours. Try not to take it personally and don’t let it affect your relationship with your work friends.