To think my colleagues are being inconsiderate?

You will understandably be upset due to what is going on with your grandad

i would always personally ask someone if I knew about it but it may be as PPs have said that
they didn’t know
they were distracted
they forgot
they didn’t know what to say
or they didn’t know if they were meant to know so thought it best not to say anything.

i think things are always more upsetting when people don’t do things that you know you would do yourself if the roles were reversed

hope youre okay x

@LimePi Are you one of those "I say it like it is" arseholes? Or just a keyboard warrior that wouldn't dream of saying that to someone's face?

Unfortunately they are probably miffed that they had to cover your work because you had no childcare.
people don’t care about others and they won’t care your grandad is poorly, albeit asking would have been nice, I would have asked, but that’s me
(hope he is ok)
but the bottom line is you didn’t come to work cos your child care fell through. I’m sure they’d ask if it was ‘I didn’t go to work because my grandad suddenly became really sick and I had to be with him’

and for the person who patronisingly said you ‘must be very young’ to have grandparents - I’m almost 34 & have 2 grandmothers still alive. Yes I’m young in the grand scheme of things but I’m not very young. No need to be patronising that wasn’t very nice. My Nan was one of my best friends until she got crippling dementia and forgot who I was. Perspective.

Up to a point - as deemed “reasonable”, and for the purpose of resolving the urgent situation usually. We have no idea of the back drop here though.

The lack of humanity and empathy on this thread is so depressing. But not unexpected maybe given the lack of empathy on display around the world post covid and during a COL crisis.

Anyway. No one is asking you miseries to bend over backwards for a colleague. A simple “sorry to hear about your grandad, hope he’s better now” and then onto your work is totally fine.

Say for example you work shifts in a care home. Your absence means a staff member has to stay and work a double shift.

If I was asked to do that on a few occasions for one member of staff, I think I’d struggle to be very sympathetic and think Well hang on, I didn’t take time off and make it public when my (insert family member) was very unwell, or my childcare had to cancel.

Its lovely if you all get along but problems might arise if you’re not being a “team player”.

Thats all a bit hypothetical though as you haven’t given much for posters to go on!

@RebelMoon

harsh but true

It must be a worry if your grandfather is seriously ill- perhaps you feel irrationally pissed off with your colleagues because of that. I think you’re overthinking their lack of reaction to be honest.

”Illness” is a vague descriptor. It can mean anything from a dr’s appointment for an earache or ingrown toenails tbf.

I don’t suppose they’ve all been pondering while you were off yesterday and feeling overly concerned- particularly if you’re taking days off due to childcare issues/ illness fairly frequently?
Unfortunately, Co workers’ sympathy can start to wane if “illness” of various family members is used every time.

If his health is likely to decline further (and your dad is likely to become primary carer?) then it’s imperative to seek alternative childcare.

Your colleagues will be concerned if it’s the type of job where they have to step in to cover absentee’s shifts, if this is going to be ongoing.

In short, I would be sympathetic and understanding of a colleague’s family emergency but less understanding and willing to cover if it became a pattern.

You coming on here saying something nasty to someone having a hard time is really pathetic

I had some of my grandparents until mid 40s, that’s such a horrible thing to say, just because people know their grandparents will die does not mean it’s not extremely upsetting, wow

I think you are being a bit self-centred. You called to say you can't come into work. They were probably busy working and assuming it was nothing serious or you'd have said. Either way no I don't think they're so inconsiderate unless they are close friends and maybe even then other people have things in too.

This
They may not know. Or they may have been told that your dad couldn’t look after your kids.
There’s another layer to your absence. If you were off because YOU had to rush to your poorly grandad, it feels more personal to you. In your case, you couldn’t come in because your dad wasn’t able to look after your children because your grandad was poorly. It just feels less personal to you. I don’t know why, it just does!

And also, I wouldn’t message someone while they were away.

Wow! Some of these replies are pretty harsh - glad I don’t work with you lot 🤣🤣🤣

I would absolutely ask after a colleagues ill relative or I would ask a colleague if everything was ok if they had unexpectedly been off. I’ve just always thought that is what a nice human being would do 🤷🏻‍♀️

Why should they unless they are your particular friends? And when you first call they may be thinking more about how they are going to get the work done that they need to do rather than anything else.

If you called in and explained to someone your childcare had failed and thus you couldn't come in I would not have expected them to tell anyone else why just that yij wouldn't be in.

Why would they even know about your grandad even if told her dad can't have her kid.

Wow 😮 I’m against the grain. I would have definitely asked about your grandad… as would all of the people I worked with.

And what is this expectation that, because I have a vagina, I have to not only care about my work and my family, I have to go over and above being an emotional support human for my colleagues?

I expect everyone to be polite and pleasant but we don't expect men to be extra nice and supportive do we?

I just got the impression they didn’t give a fuck.

I don't understand what exactly happened or what you expected? Did they say anything mean? Or did you expect them to fall over themselves empathising for you childcare issues?

Those women have problems of their own. They don't come into work to provide a crying shoulder. Unless they actually said anything mean, I don't see an issue.

I'd say that the vast majority of us who hear about the illness of someone we have never met, won't ever meet and is the elderly relation of a work colleague won't give it much more thought than 'oh that's sad' and then forget about it and carry on with your own life with it's own issues and timelines. It's not that you don't have sympathy, but unless this was a close family member or friend then you wouldn't necessarily text them. I'd personally feel a bit nosy and invasive if I did so and would wait until they returned to work to ask how they were. Not everyone likes being contacted when they are off work -most just like to concentrate on their grief/illness/trauma. I worked in HR for years and most staff would prefer not to be contacted when off with illness or bereavement unless it was by colleagues who were close personal friends. Sometimes it can seem a bit like being pestered about when you will come back, or digging for info even if that's not the case. I'm sure nobody meant to hurt your feelings and I bet they will ask how you are when you are back to work IF they know why you are off. I wouldn't ever disclose a reason for absence beyond the doors of HR/management unless the colleague asked me to (which has happened when the wife of a staff member died and he wanted to me to tell everyone).

What kind of impact did you not making it in did it have on the colleagues who were working? Tbh, if your childcare falls through and they have to pick up the slack then it's understandable they weren't happy. Your issues with childcare shouldn't really have an impact on others.

I would express condolences if a colleague went to a grandparents' funeral but I don't think I would express sympathy if they were off due to a childcare issue relating to a grandparent being unwell honestly. It just wouldn't really come onto my sympathy radar.

That's a bit harsh @LimePi .

Seriously?? Yes noone gives a fuck about your granddad, for colleagues it’s pretty normal

They likely don't know.
They just know you couldn't make it to work.
They might know it's because of childcare.
But they probably don't know the reason behind that (ill grandfather).
If they do know your granddad is ill then yes, the polite/pleasant/kind thing to do is ask after him. However, everyone is busy with their own lives. You're being unreasonable to expect people you work with (not your mates) to ask after a man they've never met and likely don't even know is ill.