To think my colleagues are being inconsiderate?

this, sorry. Most people you work with will have children, siblings, parents, aunts/uncles, nephews, nieces, friends, grandparents...at least one of which will be ill at any time.

How much did they even know? My work wouldn't necessarily tell us the reason someone was off.

Also if you used the word 'poorly' they might not have realised how serious it was. If someone said 'My grandad is poorly' I'd probably assume they had something minor like a cold or stomach bug, not that they were very ill.

I suffer badly from heavy colds . I work in a public facing role so when the cold is at its worst and my eyes and nose are streaming I take a couple of days off .

When I return I tell my colleagues I was suffering from a Virus as I know if I said it was a common cold it would unleash resentment and comments of how they would soldier on regardless.

Saying I suffered from a virus seems to be accepted.

I think they probably do care but in that moment they are busy/ distracted etc. I wouldn't take it personally. Maybe they have their own stuff going on too.

I do agree with this. I commented early on, but I think it’s understandable for colleagues to not know, but if they have heard I think they should ask.

I do think the amount of not thinking about others and engaging with even basic facts about their lives is a bit depressing.

I'm sorry but I hate working with people who expect everyone else to be so interested in their lives. In actual fact, I AM interested and will say things when I want to say them. This is usually less for the kind of people who always seem to to need attention.

Jeez. What a load of heartless robots on this thread.

Hope your grandad is OK, OP.

Yes, same, in every workplace.

I'd also start from the assumption that a grandparent or an aunt or uncle was as important to the person as a parent unless I knew otherwise. It's very common to be closer to other relatives where there are difficult relationships between children and parents. My mother was very close to an elderly aunt due to the family situation.

You don't know how ill the girlfriend was. Sometimes you can be genuinely too ill to look after a child.

Yes, I'm 40 with two grandparents and my mother lost her last when she was 43.

Do they even know? Has it registered with them? Most adults whose grandparents are still alive know they will die someday soon and they're ill all the time beforehand. Everyone else lost theirs a long time ago.

I'm 40 with two living grandparents, 22 years ago when I became an adult they were not about to die 'sometime soon'. One, in particular, when they go, will hit me hard, as it will my almost adult child.

OP?

Why would they ask after your granddad? You sound slightly spoiled and self-centred. Why do your colleagues need to make your domestic situation front and centre of their lives? How much do you know about your colleagues parents and grandparents? How much support have you given your colleagues for their domestic circumstances? Because everyone has them.

It's the same for me, and has been all my working life.
Based on this thread, I feel very fortunate to have worked in such good environments.

Wow. My colleagues in every work place I’ve been in are much nicer than all of yours sound! We’ve always been genuinely sympathetic when a colleague has something going on in their lives and would definitely ask after your granddad (this does assume they know though, have you explained the situation to anyone other than your line manager?). I’m in a medical profession and we have each others’ backs and couldn’t do our jobs without this

My colleague didn’t come in to work today because their dog was off colour- their words- I was raging 🤦

YABU as you don't even know if they were aware of your granddad's illness

For all you know when you called in and explained it all to your manager they then just went to the rest of the staff and said "Op won't be in today so can you all cover XYZ tasks please?" so they have no idea why you weren't in so don't know to ask.

Or they may have said "OP won't be in today as her childcare has fallen through" and made no mention of your granddad's illness so they don't know to ask.

Or they may have said "OP won't be in today as she's had some personal issues" so they don't know to ask.

There's a million and one ways that the news "OP is not in today" can be imparted to your colleagues without them being given any personal information and even if they were given the information, if you're not close normally then why would they ask?

Maybe they actually don’t know why you’re off.

I think you should probably be grateful you have a job that is supportive of you having to miss work to look after a child. I've certainly had jobs where time is given grudgingly.

Sadly work colleagues don't care. I didn't get a single message after my dad died just before Christmas. 3 people said they were sorry to hear about my dad when I went back and that was it (my manager didn't even mention it when I went back).
I hope your grandad is doing okay.

Yes, sorry, you are being pathetic. They covered your shift - why should they have to ask about your Grandad's health as well? Do you take that much interest in their home lives?

I always had backup childcare. Childminders and nurseries are expected to, so perhaps, given that grandad's health is likely to need more attention going forward (older folks tend to), then perhaps you need to look around to see who might be willing/ able to do the odd stint for you in emergencies, even if they are not able to do it on a frequent or regular basis. (I was 300 miles from my family)

It's hard for parents when childcare falls through . And its upsetting when your grandparents get sick, even though they are getting old and it's inevitable. My Granddaughter was devastated when her other nan died,and she is very concerned if I'm sick . I feel for the op!
From my own current experience working as part of a small team of clean ers, we are concerned about each other's families, and so do the office staff we clean for. We pick up on each other's work if someone is absent without any resentment...we aren't kids, and we help each other out .

You are lucky you can work AND have child care!! I certainly don’t think your colleagues should have a great deal of sympathy - your kids are your responsibility.

I agree.

Most people who do ask are being polite and are not that interested in the answer. Unless we die prematurely (which is a tragedy) we will all get old and with age comes sickness. I wouldn't expect the colleagues of my grandchildren (when they are old enough to have colleagues) to be concerned about my health. In fact, I think it would be a bit weird if they were, if they don't know me.

It would be a difficult and painful existence if we were to concern ourselves with the health of every elderly stranger related to the people we work with.

Except in the context of OP's absence due to lack of childcare, the subject of her grandfather's health would presumably have been irrelevant anyway.

@RebelMoon
no, I wouldnt say to OP’s face “I don’t give a fuck about your grandfather” because it is rude. BUT she is asking for the truth on mumsnet.

I wouldn’t care about random co-worker’s GP enough to proactively ask how they are or say something, most sane people do not really care and I don’t feel bad about it. If it comes up in a conversation I’ll say what’s expected but I really do not CARE. Nor do most people with their own life/no special connection to OP