Is DPs female friend out of line?

cant you just phase her out ? she sounds hardwork . what does she bring to your friendship ?

She doesn't sound like a good friend, you don't need her as a friend. You aren't trusting her motives around her friendship with your husband which your husband seems to agree with? Everything else is just extra ways you are justifying how you feel and over complicating. Yes a friend can see one half of a couple alone, yes it can be good to remember who the main friendship is with, yes someone can need different friendships with different people at different times. For these things she is not out of line, but that doesn't mean to say you are happy with her relationship with your husband or want her in your life.

People can have friendships end.

But she has lost all her friends from uni, admits to having no women friends ever, the comment about being suicidal after the incident with your cat and changing her tune about you are a unit and then you aren’t, plus I need to speak in private. She is hard work and its why she has no friends.

She sort of pushed the friendship by coming to me with female problems (breast pain) because she said she didn't have any female friends she could go to, which is how this situation started.

Case closed, tbh.

I actually can’t believe people are arguing you should tolerate a female friend telling you she wants a private conversation with your husband in your house. Over my dead body.

People are being a bit disingenuous here. This isn’t OP’s partners very best friend in the world and someone he has a strong and special bond with that deserves to flourish without OP’s interference. It’s a woman from his uni days, maybe an old group of friends, who sounds like a lot of hard work and really has no right to insist on a private friendship with OP’s partner. I don’t really believe in intense platonic male female friendships at the best of times and certainly wouldn’t trust someone who sounds this unhinged to keep things purely platonic and not makes things weird/uncomfortable.

OP, speaks volumes that this woman has fallen out with all her other male friends and she tells you she has no female friends. She is the problem not you or your DP.

Would be interesting to know why those friends all backed off. Eitherway, you are both fed up with her histrionics so i would both collectively gently back off. She obviously oversteps boundaries and these male friends from Uni have all dropped away.

You only live once OP - back off and if DP also fed up tthen he should back off too, life too short!

Which one?

I would as well. I wouldn’t want to be friends with someone like that, too manipulative. Sounds like she creates the drama around her.

I'd be pretty uncomfortable if someone told my partner (OP) they felt suicidal because OP asked them not to laugh at her sick pet.

But why is the partner uncomfortable all of a sudden? He might feel pressure to behave because his partner has anxieties about other women. This can put a lot of stress on relationships.

I would say she was testing to see if he could be persuaded to meet her without your knowledge, if he was on board for that then he would be prioritising her over you - and the dishonesty - green light for her to muscle in basically.

She was never interested in you, you were a means to an end.

I would agree with do to cut her out now. You owe her nothing at all, nor does dp. It’s best to have zero tolerance for people like this op.

16 years is a long friendship OP. I would worry if you don't reign in possessiveness this relationship won't last long. Unless he gives you a good reason not to trust him you need to let this one go and get your own life.

Except that isn't what the OP said, is it? She clearly said her husband isn't comfortable having a private conversation with this woman 1:1 and told her that.

She asked for you not to be in the room in your own house? She's scent marking him @Watdidusay . Out of order.

She’s dp friend and your only friends by association

nothing worse than having a friend and there obliged to drag there partner along to everything

sometimes you just want to talk to your friend and not have a spectator or a three way conversation

What do you mean ‘openly’, though? As I said, you don’t consider her a friend. Isn’t that all there is to it? Does there need to be some kind of formal announcement?

I mean, friendships do shift over time — an old female friend of DH’s is now closer to me, though they still go to matches together sometimes.

@Watdidusay

You don't want to be friends with her, fair enough. It's very right to choose our own friends for what they will add to our lives. But if you don't want be friends with someone, even within a 'social group', then you can't claim the 'privileges' of friendship such as being in on private conversations.

If one of my DH's friends (male or female) that I am not close to asked me to leave a room because he wanted to speak to DH about a confidential matter, I'd be a bit 'hmmm', but I'd probably do it. Although it would be more polite for them to say "Across, I need to talk to Mr Across about a personal matter so I hope you don't mind if we nip down to the pub/sit outside/take a drive/sit in the kitchen".

Is your issue that you think she has a 'thing' for him? Has she ever done or said anything to/with him that has crossed boundaries?

I think it's great your partner put a stop to this. It definitely shows you are his priority. I'm sure she will disappear quietly now that she isn't going to get what she wants!

It's really not the same though, as two women pals wanting a natter without DH in the room.

This is a woman who disappeared out of a male friend's life for 10 years after uni, came home, made friends with the guy again AND his wife, says the pair of them are like a unit, then comes round and asks the wife to leave the room of her own house while she talks to the husband in 'private'.

It would be much less socially awkward if she'd asked to meet him for coffee somewhere to discuss this specific thing rather than doing this.

My friend is having some problems and wants to talk to me in confidence. She’s come round but my husband won’t leave the room. He says he should be allowed to hear everything.

i think that post would get a very clear response if posted…

Yeah, i think she wanted to see if your DP would shove you out of the way for her put her first in that social setting - your own home.

About the thing in your house though, was this before or after he'd declined to meet up with her because of the private chat request?

Last week she said she wanted to speak to my DP about something in private. He asked if that meant no Watdidusay. She responded "Private." DP said he didn't feel comfortable excluding me and she accepted that he didn't meet up with her.

My best friend is female (I'm male). We've been friends for nearly 25 years, going back to sixth form.

She's known my DP for 15 years, and they're friends. They enjoy each others company, we have a laugh in the pub together, every so often they've met up without me to do stuff I'm not interested in (Mamma Mia in the cinema for instance)

But she's going through an absolutely horrible divorce at the moment, and it's me she wants to talk to. DP is fine with this, they're friends but they're not best friends. DP has her own best mates to have that sort of conversation with.

@Watdidusay , your opinions of this woman are very clear. You don't like her, and I think you're trying to prove she doesn't like you so that you don't have to feel guilty about that. She thinks you're friends, you don't. That's absolutely fine, but at least own your own feelings.

It would indeed. Regardless of the sexes of the people concerned, I don't know anyone who'd do that. You might think, I wish Emma would go out of the room so I can talk to Kate in confidence, but very few people would ask for that in a social setting. For one thing it just sparks curiosity when you presumably want discretion. It's power play. No question.