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AIBU?

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Original poster

To feel he should/could have stepped up?

482 replies

MoaningMartyr · 15/01/2024 14:46

Whole family caught virus last week - maybe covid, who knows. Feel hot/cold/exhausated/ache all over etc.

DH took himself to bed for last 4 days. I have been looking after DC (1 and 4) - both of who are up all night with temperatures. I feel shit myself, DH says he must feel worse as he can't get out of bed.

Yesterday, DS (4) had a seizure due to high temp. He has had them before - but they're pretty horrible - ambulance called. Ambulance took temp of other DC and took them both in due to crazy high temps and fit/risk of fit, so off the 3 of us went in an ambulance.

While DS was having a seizure (choking on vomit) - I called for DH who was in bed. He came downstairs after me shouting for some time and then called 999 but passed phone to me saying he couldn't handle it and he felt too ill. So I was left with a 1 year old in tears at sight of his brother fitting, a 4 year having a seizure, and talking to 999 call. Then I went to A&E with them both.

When I was on phone to 999 I was looking over to DH on the sofa lying there with his eyes closed, and just felt such resentment to him.

Am I being unfair? It does feel like a pattern as similar things have happened in past. But he is very ill seemingly. He is back in bed today.

I'm not looking for a knight in shining armour - I'm perfectly capable of responding to stressful situations, but i'm always in dealing with stuff alone it feels like.

OP posts:
Marblessolveeverything · 15/01/2024 14:57

Whatever about the day to day niggles and bickering about who does lunch bag, dishes etc if their father didn't step up in this situation he would be gone.

Whataretheodds · 15/01/2024 14:54

Good to follow the paramedic advice.

if I'm in the house - he will always avoid it. one to address when you're all feeling better. But in the meantime it definitely sounds like you need some bed rest. YANBU to be disappointed.

Mothership4two · 15/01/2024 14:54

It's difficult to say how someone is feeling, but if this is a pattern and you all had the same illness (which you probably did) then his inaction was pretty appalling.

Having said that, I was ill over Christmas with some sort of fluey virus and if someone had put £1000 in a box at the end of the garden and told me I could go and keep it, I would have just stayed in bed, I felt that ill. But then, if DS were ill or injured I know I would have pulled my big girl pants up and gone to deal with it.

So yes, crappy and disappointing response from your DP

Original poster
MoaningMartyr · 15/01/2024 14:53

@Whataretheodds paramedics insisted the 1 year old come with us - as he had high temp too, though my worry is that they took one look at DH with his eyes closed on the sofa wrapped in a blanket not talking to anyone - and thought 1 year old might not be looked after. but probably just precaution because of the temp. i do think he would have stepped if he HAD to. I don't think he would put them at risk. But if I'm in the house - he will always avoid it.

OP posts:
FrenchandSaunders · 15/01/2024 14:52

Christ I'd have to be on deaths door to behave like that OP. Shocking.

Lovingitallnow · 15/01/2024 14:50

He needs to take himself to a&e if he can't spend 5 mins on the phone to an ambulance for his convulsing 4 year old.

Whataretheodds · 15/01/2024 14:50

Did you need to take DC age 1 with you to hospital? If you'd left him with DH he would have had to step up and you would have had less to feel resentful about.

I would suggest you now need at least a couple of days of not being able to get out of bed (probably because you've not been resting properly) so he will have to step up