To feel he should/could have stepped up?

No matter how big or small the fallout is, it's temporary. Once it's done, it's done & you can just live your life. For the kids, this is just a small blip in their lives & they'll barely remember it if at all. This way, they also won't have to remember a dad who acted like they & you didn't matter.

It will always feel worse being alone IN a relationship than actually being on your own with your small people.

Good luck OP, learn your value & be proud of yourself for putting you & your children first xx

I was going to say find your anger and give him a bollocking, but having given it further thought he isn’t worth the energy.

He isn’t a good partner, he isn’t a good father and he isn’t a good man.

Dont worry too much about him not being reliable when he’s looking after your DC. From what you’ve said he’s not going to be doing 50:50. He might have them EOW but not for overnight as there’s no way he’ll be able to manage. He hid under a blanket when his child was fitting. He is too selfish to parent.

Of course he's gone to work Op, he promised you a day in bed but that would mean him looking after the DC. Yes, there will be a massive fall out when he finds out you're divorcing him but it will be worth it, he'll never admit he neglects you all but he does and he won't get any better, it's all about him

Sounds like he was knocking on death's door. But conveniently lived to see another day.

How did the sight of his own child convulsing not get him going? He clearly lacks the normal levels of human adrenaline.

In lockdown our whole household caught covid (2 adults 2 kids) me and DP had it really bad and eventually ended up in hospital, to the point we couldn't eat/drink/move/talk/stay conscious for long, not exaggerating it was that bad! Eldest had it a lot milder and took care of themselves, 2yo at the time was fairly lethargic/sleepy but otherwise well in themselves so happy to sit in front of the tv all day which was amazing as me and DP were practically comatose for 10 days. Neither of us could barely walk, we fainted/collapsed a couple of times, we had no appetite to eat/drink which obviously made us weaker and even when we did have to do something we were crawling across the floor to the kitchen and managing to make a bare minimum meal (toast, sandwich etc) feed dogs/cat etc. Had anything happened like your situation no matter how bad I'd felt (at deaths door literally) I would have sprung into action for the sake of my child and I would have expected no different from my DP.

Your DH should be utterly ashamed of his behaviour, if you have the means to leave him I wouldn't hesitate.

Oh OP. You are not in any way at fault here. I doubt very much that it's as simple as 'your standards are below the floor,' it's just when life is busy you can overlook the lack of support and tell yourself it's not that bad. But when an emergency occurs and he still does not step up, not even in front of others, that is STARK. It can't be ignored or brushed off anymore.

I personally wouldn't bother to talk to him about this - you know yourself already what his response will be. I'm heartened to read you're taking steps to disentangle yourself from him - well bloody done 👏

Tbh I strongly suspect the 'fallout' from you ending the marriage won't be as big as you expect. And I can only see your life being better without him in it, honestly. It's win-win for you and your kids. Keep going OP, you are already far stronger than you realise.

He's a crap father if he can't put the welfare of his children and wife before himself.

Are there really men like this who jump in the lifeboat first. No wonder you feel resentment.

So sorry OP. Hope your little ones soon better x

Believe me, even if the fallout is huge, you will feel better freeing yourself of that waste of space. I upended my whole life because of my ex husband being a lazy selfish prick, and it was worth the temporary upheaval to be free of him.

I’d have rung an ambulance for him aswell if he couldn’t handle one 999 call. Either he needs to be in hospital himself or I think I’d consider divorce. I don’t think I could forgive such poor parenting and partner-ing behaviour.

It may seem scary to leave but once you do your life is going to change for the better.

you will have one less “child” to look after and one day in the future (if you want to) you could find someone who appreciates you and is an amazing catch!

If you are stay you are showing your children that your partners behaviour is ok and could lead them to have dysfunctional relationships in the future.

be brave.

If you stay you have to accept that his behaviour is manipulative and damaging at least, and that you will be living a half life with him being told that night is day.

Good on you, slowly gather what you need, until your ready to make your move. It doesn't have to be immediately, but just making your decision and setting your sails will give you strength. It does feel terrifying, it is not what anyone wants, but I'd say that this is one of the situations that Divorce was made for.

He is beyond pathetic. You and your kids deserve so much better.

Ugh get rid of him, I bet he just went to work to "get away" from the sick kids

@MoaningMartyr - sorry you've been through this. Only you can decide what the best long term plan for you is, but in the short term, I would recommend getting very unwell, faint, and unable to cope at the weekend, and spending a few days in bed. A/ You absolitely deserve it, and B/ The more he steps up, the more he will realise he can actually do it.

If he's at work today then he wasn't that ill. My first thought is Liar, Liar, pants on fire.

Look up DARVO as he is doing that to you, and it's used by abusive manipulative people. Please find a way to leave, he's going to ruin all three of you.

Ha. Sorry, I know it's not funny but a vague sounding 'faint and unwell' sounds far more pathetic than a panic attack!

I'm sure you know it but the dramatic storming about and sulking reaction is just so you avoid pulling him up on his behaviour. After this incident I'm not sure I could be bothered with it either, but I would be setting about making plans to leave him. I do hope you're okay.

Agree, one of the worst things I have ever read. It doesn’t matter how bad he was feeling, if he was able to talk (which he clearly was) then he should have stepped up. I can’t actually believe he thinks this is acceptable. I would never ever get over this or trust him again. It’s repulsive.

How are you and the children feeling today @MoaningMartyr?

I think this post is the most sad/worst example of a truly horrific man. I am so upset for you. I told my husband about what happened with you and your kids and he was horrified. We both hope you find a way to leave this waste of space in his bed and go out into the world and live your lives without him in it. Your world will be a better place for the loss of him. You can do single parent. You are single parent. Best wishes to you.

There is no way he could know he felt worse than you did. He just said he did. What a no effort plonker.

This is so sad to read and I’m sending you a massive hug.

As a parent I would push my child out of the path of a car and be hit myself to protect them…… as I thought any parent would

i font think your partner would.

please put yourself and them first. You deserve so much more than him

Me too op. I would actually leave over this. I can't believe this is what he does. How is your dc feeling now?

I’m so sorry this happened to you. This goes up there with one of those posts I’ll never forget. I would never, ever forgive my husband for not being absolutely frantic at my child having a seizure. The ick isn’t a strong enough term. It’d be over for me in that short scenario.