How many times a week does your partner go out

I'm afraid he really is taking the piss. As a pp said, he's opting out of family life and behaving as if he has no family responsibilities. Maybe he provides the income but that on its own really isn't enough.

You have a lot on your plate even if he was more hands on. You must be completely frazzled!

What does he say when you bring this up with him? How does he justify this much time away from home?

He sounds like a very selfish person.

Like others I think Saturday morning football and perhaps pool/drinks one other night would be acceptable.

But that really isn't the issue is it? The issue is he does nothing to contribute to running the family or house and you seem to get no time to yourself at all.

I've just read the routine of an immature 17 year old. He treats you so badly OP.

I'd pack him a bag and tell him to fuck right off.

This is madness. He's a grown up with three young children, he cannot go out as much as he did before he had children.

We have a lot of football in our house but we share responsibilities as best we can. I work full time, DH is a SAHO.

DH is out at football training on a Wednesday night (he's the coach), football match on a Saturday morning (coach), football match on Saturday afternoons when his team are home (season ticket holder) and football Sunday mornings (coach). Mondays and Wednesday I'm on taxi duty for DS1 who has cadets, Thursday I take DS2 to football training, apart from once a month when I have a football meeting and DH takes him. Saturday mornings I take DS2 to his football matches and Sunday mornings he does the training that DH runs and I sell the teas and coffees at the football ground.

Where is the space for YOUR hobbies OP.

Is he EVER parenting his own children alone.

Honestly this makes me so angry.

He is not a partner or a father just someone who lives with you - max twice a week for me

This man child isn’t interested in his children or you. Why did you have three children with him?

What will happen when you finish maternity leave? Will you still be expected to do 100% household/parenting whilst he maintains 100% of his hobbies?

It feels like you are beyond the point of ultimatums and I honestly don’t think it is going to work as he sounds like a very selfish man. But perhaps one pool night and Sunday morning football, but even that is so long as he pulls his weight the rest of the time and you get time to yourself as well. But as I say, I don’t truly feel that this relationship is salvageable.

Well firstly 8am - 3pm are not standard office hours! The lazy git is only working a 6 hour day (if we assume a hour lunch break). I work generally 9am - 6/6.30pm.

Also "drives and chill" is he a teenager?

What's the point of this relationship?

I don't think it's relevant what other people do or are happy with, tbh. Everyone is different and has different relationships.

Sounds like he’s living the early twenties single life.

Did he want 3 kids? He’s not acting like someone who wanted or can cope with 3 kids and he’s avoiding it and checked out of family life. What was he like with 1 & 2 kids?

It’s your choice now to give him an ultimatum and see if he sticks to it or leave him. YABU to put up with this.

You are a single parent. Kick him out and then at least you don't have to do his cooking and washing ect..

I thought this was going to be like a once a week thing which I do regularly but no, he is massively taking the piss!

Oh OP, that's ridiculous.

He's hardly spending any time with your children? What a crap father.

Was he always like this, or is it just since the younger children came along?

wow, that’s beyond ridiculous and selfish. When do you get time for you?

you might as well be a single parent. What a joke!

We go out separately to the cinema maybe once a week but otherwise - not at all really. He'll go meet someone for drinks every few weeks, I see friends on my one day off.

He's living the life of a 21 year old single guy. Do NOT accept this.

Why are you even asking this? Do you honestly think that there is a chance anybody is going to say you are being unreasonable. There is the obvious question as to why on earth you have three children with this man but you are where you are. Dump him! He is bringing nothing to your life as it is, at least if you dump him you don’t need to waste your energy thinking or arguing about it.

Honestly? We have four DC - 13,10,9 and a baby. My DH doesn't really go out at all, and nor do I. We'll do the odd thing e.g. he's doing an evening class once a week for a few weeks.

I'm not saying everyone should never go out - at this stage we just choose not to. But I think once a week (each!) is enough with the ages of your children, honestly.

He's living the life of a single man OP.

And is taking you for a total mug.

The fact you're even asking if it's "too much" is a worrying sign of the hold he has over you.

What an arsehole. It sounds like he sees you as the maid/housekeeper/nanny. There are many, many tales of lazy pisstaking men on here OP, but I don't think I've read about many as blatant or selfish as yours. Sorry.

He is taking the absolute piss. I am an advocate of parents still being able to have time for themselves, to socialise with friends etc but I would expect this to be once a week when there are young children at home. He isn’t parenting at all , he’s acting like he is still a single man. Either get him in line ( which I would very rarely say but is needed here), or leave him. He’s actually useless to you and the children.

He's living the life of a single man with no children. He's not a dad at all, he's an idle and selfish fucker.

Sorry OP. He has opted out of family life. & has no respect for you. & he's not spending time with his children, is he? Very rude and ignorant of him. He's not interested but is too lame to tell you his truth.