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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to not borrow DP money?

158 replies

bethe1uwant2 · 14/01/2024 14:20

We've been together 8 years and have 2 young children. We rent, and although I would love my own house, I don't know if it will ever be possible as dp since I have known him has been irresponsible with money and forever in dept.

I have on a few occasions had to pay his debt off which I've always made him pay back. But it's a vicious cycle.

He owes my 7 year old £3000 from his savings as he needed it to buy a car 'so he could get to work' turns out he could have got a lift everyday with co worker.

Recently I found out he took another loan out with ridiculous interest added which is another set back for us to buy a house.

He is self employed and although he's been offered employment which I have encouraged him to take, he gets defensive and refuses.

We only ever argue about money. He is a great dad and partner and a hard worker who would give us his last dime, but he is just so irresponsible when it comes to managing money. I have tried to help and asked to see his bank which he refuses.

He usually pays all the bills on time.
Anyway, over Christmas we have spent a fortune and are both skint. I work part time but luckily am good with money and have some savings, he has asked to borrow £300 as his bills go out tomorrow. I will obviously give him the money, but i need him to start managing it better and everyone i bring it up into conversation he gets defensive and we argue!

When will he learn? AIBU????

OP posts:
marmaladeandpeanutbutter · 14/01/2024 14:57

He is responsible for his terrible financial behaviour but you are responsible for condoning it.

That's a great comment.

2jacqi · 14/01/2024 14:56

@bethe1uwant2 I think you will most likely find that he has also run up an overdraft at the bank!! he needs to let you have access so you can help him sort out his mess. he is obviously living way above his means! try and make a pact for return of your son's 3k!

magpiemagpuy · 14/01/2024 14:55

You sound like my mum.

She sat back and watched as my dad destroy their finances with his "irresponsible spending" to the extent the bank almost repossessed our house.

She didn't want the inevitable argument so rather than stand up to him she allowed him to take their tenants rent and not pay the mortgage.

All the while bailing him out on her minimum wage job while he drove around on a brand new high end car.

She also made the decision to give him the inheritance that my grandparents had earmarked for my education, because even after all this, he'd give it back. He never did.

He is responsible for his terrible financial behaviour but you are responsible for condoning it.

OrderOfTheKookaburra · 14/01/2024 14:55

Why is it "obvious" that you will give him the money?! Do you seriously think MNers would encourage you to keep bailing this waste of space out?

AutumnFroglets · 14/01/2024 14:55

He is a great dad and partner and a hard worker
Great dads do not steal/borrow huge amounts from their children. They provide.

Great partners support their OH not bleed them dry financially, mentally and emotionally.

Hard workers do not turn down jobs.

He's laughing at you whilst robbing you blind. Wake up.

Daisy12Maisie · 14/01/2024 14:54

So he hasn't borrowed the money he has taken it.

Daisy12Maisie · 14/01/2024 14:54

Slightly embarrassing to say but my child has lent me £1000 to pay off a credit card. I'm paying him back with the same interest I would be giving the credit card company as I would rather do that than pay the credit card company. My son suggested it as he was wondering what high interest account to put his money in but he gets more this way as I'm paying him more interest than a savings account. My point being if he borrowed money from your child there would be a clear payment plan to return it.

Cuppachuchu · 14/01/2024 14:53

ilovesooty · 14/01/2024 14:52

He's a disrespectful, irresponsible parasite. I can't see what the point of him is.

This. LTB ASAP. That is all.

ilovesooty · 14/01/2024 14:52

He's a disrespectful, irresponsible parasite. I can't see what the point of him is.

Merryoldgoat · 14/01/2024 14:51

In what way exactly are you ‘partners’?

TillyKister · 14/01/2024 14:51

Can't believe he's taken £3,000 from your child's account... Yet you still bail him out.

Wake up!

The guys a loser

Terfosaurus · 14/01/2024 14:48

Hes not a great partner, dad or hardworker though is he? If he was he would be taking the employment (unless he earns enough to cover his bills which he doesn't). Wouldn't have "borrowed" 3k off his child, and wouldn't need you to keep bailing him out.

Unexpecteddrivinginstructor · 14/01/2024 14:45

Do not marry him, do not buy a house with him and make sure you get regular credit checks for yourself to make sure he isn't taking out loans in your name without your knowledge.

Do you pay into the bills in proportion to your income? Is he on paper able to cover his part of the bills? Are you left with a similar amount of disposable income? You need to sit down together and thrash out a budget.

Blobblobblob · 14/01/2024 14:44

Be clever.

Give him nothing more but play nice until every single penny is back in your child's account.

Then dump this loser like the sack of shit he is

Stealing from a child is outrageous

betterangels · 14/01/2024 14:44

He definitely won't learn as long as you keep giving him money, will he?

Meadowfinch · 14/01/2024 14:43

He took 3k from his own child !! Wow.

I'd make sure he doesn't have access to anything except his own account. Don't share a joint account with him. Stop bailing him out.

Hankunamatata · 14/01/2024 14:40

I dug dp out of debt once and once only. He was warned he got into debt we were over. I still have access his credit file just incase

GreatGateauxsby · 14/01/2024 14:39

disgusting behaviour

by your own admission he has stolen from his child.
he took money he didn’t need then instead of working to repay the money he took… he ran up more debt.

utterly revolting…

i couldn’t live with or share a bed with a man like this.

BobbyBiscuits · 14/01/2024 14:39

He's hiding something. The thing about the car, did you actually find out how much it really cost? There's gambling, or some other secret money pit addiction. Has he ever had addiction issues in the past? I think he needs help but you must give him an ultimatum in that you will never bail him out again. And he pays back your child on a payment plan that you both sign.

mathanxiety · 14/01/2024 14:39

Gingernaut · 14/01/2024 14:30

He is a great dad and partner and a hard worker

He's effectively stolen £3k from your child, has turned down the offer of permanent employment and has left you dependent on renting without end instead of saving for a deposit for a mortgage.

Wise up, girl, He's nothing of the sort.

This.

He's a sponger.

betterangels · 14/01/2024 14:38

Gingernaut · 14/01/2024 14:30

He is a great dad and partner and a hard worker

He's effectively stolen £3k from your child, has turned down the offer of permanent employment and has left you dependent on renting without end instead of saving for a deposit for a mortgage.

Wise up, girl, He's nothing of the sort.

Absolutely! You need to take the blinders off with this one.

AhBiscuits · 14/01/2024 14:38

He is a great dad and partner and a hard worker

No he isn't, he is an absolute loser.

Kat200669 · 14/01/2024 14:37

How can you say he's a hardworking and would give you his last dime?? Of course he would, because it's probably yours or the kids. It's disgusting he's borrowed the kids money.

SecondHandFurniture · 14/01/2024 14:36

lesdeluges · 14/01/2024 14:34

He will never get any better at managing money. Never. Why? because he knows he has access to funds from you and the kids piggy banks if he needs it. You are enabling him.

Does he gamble I wonder? What was the high interest loan for? - him or the family.

This!

You're not getting that £3k back.

Snowydaysfaraway · 14/01/2024 14:35

What an utter shit man all round. Claw dc's money back and get rid of him.