AIBU to not borrow DP money?

If you don't want to walk away I would give him once last chance. He goes on a money management course and you see drastic improvements. Otherwise, cut your losses and get rid.

Please don’t enter into a financial commitment such as marriage or joint property ownership with this man.

I can’t believe you gave him £3k of your child’s money, without even so much as a payment plan to get it back.

Well if everything is marvellous, why are you posting? Noone is going to approve of a grown adult in employment taking money from a kids savings, are they? Why doesn't he just get a better job and earn more money?

I bet he's a gambler, actually.

STOP lending him money
I can't believe he borrowed your DC savings!!
His mindset needed to change to that of a responsible parent not a spendy teenager
Tell him to make an appointment with CAB or the like who can arrange payment plans with debtors if necessary
Cut out unnecessary " wants" and consider every £ you spend
He would be better off getting a regular job too

I will obviously give him the money

Of course you will. Then whine a bit more.

You must be absolutely desperate for a man to put up with that 🙁

I feel sorry for your children- 2 spendthrift parents who can’t get their act together.

What is he borrowing money for / spending money on??

Also you said that he didn't actually end up needing a vehicle for work as he could get a lift with a co worker, so he "borrowed" that money unnecessarily.

The pair of you are as daft as each other.

He is not a good dad. Good dads are not so financially irresponsible that they keep getting into debt.

If you weren't there to bail him out, he'd probably end up bankrupt or in serious trouble. That is not a good dad, he's not putting his kids first.

A good partner?

He lies to you, deceitful, irresponsible. And he TOOK MONEY from your child for something he didn't even need. Hardly a good parent!

Financial compatibility in a relationship is SO important.

He clearly cannot be trusted with money. If I were you, I would be insisting that his bank account needs to be visible to you, and YOU take over all the money management of the family. If he is not willing to share the finances with you, then I would suggest he leaves, as if he can't trust you to be honest about his finances then you don't have a relationship.

He is irresponsible and that is what I was hoping for guidance with. I will not be leaving him , he is the father of my children and don't need strangers telling me he is not a good dad.

Then none of us can help you. You are as much a problem as he is. I hope you both wake up and start providing properly for your children. Money isn't everything but security is.

He is not a great dad. Sorry but decent dads don’t act like this.

Ah well, stop whining then.

Keep bailing him out.

Accept that you’ll always rent and never own a home

Stay hopeful that he’ll repay the 3k you allowed him to take from your child, before the child wants access to it. Spoiler - he won’t.

He is a great dad and partner

Your bar for 'great' is too low. A great dad and partner doesn't risk his family's financial stability. why are you staying?

I built up £5K overdraft and CC debt through uni (and general fecklessness of youth). DP had always been sensible, and cut his cloth accordingly.

I eventually told DP, but didn't expect him to bail me out. Having to clear that debt myself, over a long period on low wages was probably one of the best lessons I could have had. I resented the interest and how much went out of my meagre wage each month which has led me to despise unsecured debt.

I still have the credit card but I haven't made a purchase on it since clearing the balance.

Think your DP needs to go through something similar himself.

Tell him to go out and do Deliveroo for a few nights a week, so he can cover his bills. Sounds reductive but he needs to re-learn the value of money.

Does his self employed work pay anything at all. If not he needs to get a job

“Anyway, over Christmas we have spent a fortune and are both skint”

Well that’s neither of you great with money then, is it?

Where did the 7yo’s savings come from?
I actually don’t think it’s awful for parents to basically change their money about money saved for a child, if it’s truly needed for the family. Not everyone has the luxury of saving. I’ve never saved in my children’s names, for exactly that flexibility.

But where has this money come from? If not you and him - grandparent birthdays, for example - then your boyfriend has stolen it, in my view. Because there’s nothing here saying he’ll pay it back.

Why did you decide to have two children with him, and the first pretty quickly, when he was irresponsible and you didn’t already have a house?

This guy will only ever drag you down. Absolutely shameful.

If this is real, kick his arse out! He stole £3K from your child's savings and wants another £300?

This is what I was going to post. Plus hiding the last loan. Sounds like he lied and you found out? What was that money for? Is he a gambler?

Nothing is more important to him than his spending. Not you or your (his?) children, not owning a home, not living without the stress of debt, not a secure future (can’t imagine there is a pension in the mix).

Stealing from a child is so low. He needs to pay this back with full interest asap.

He won’t change while you’re bailing him out. Tell him that was the last time and mean it.

The bigger picture here of how crap he is at being a partner and father would have made me question the relationship a long time ago.

He has stolen money from his child. "Great dad" my arse.

I am loss for words after reading you let him 'borrow' £3000 of a child's money. He should be providing, not sponging off you and the kids.