AIBU to not borrow DP money?

You’re not lending him money, it’s his money too.

He works full time and pays all of the bills, whilst you only work PT.

If he’s paying all of the bills and paying for a family of 4 on one salary, then of course he’s going to be skint.

Why is his money both of your money, but your money is just yours?

We’d all have a lot more disposable income like you if we weren’t paying all of the bills.

Don’t lend your partner any money. It’s really low that he’s had £3k out of your child’s savings.

The defensiveness about money and taking out a high interest loan would be a real worry for me TBH. It sounds like he is hiding bigger financial issues. If he doesn’t need the car he could sell it and put some of your child’s money back. There are plenty of sites which will support with debt etc but you need openness and transparency on exactly how big a problem it really is. Be careful you don’t bury your head in the sand then end up posting here in 6 months when you find more debt you don't know about. If your partner is a good guy you definitely haven’t portrayed him that way in your original post.
A proper sit down and breakdown of all finance and debt with your partner should be the first step. If he won’t do that then there’s more to it.

he needed a vehicle for work

No he didn't. You said that in your OP. He lied to you to get you to give him the money

An amazing dad?
Really?
In what ways is he amazing.
Amazing is those things that if you did them would make you an amazing mother by the way. So not anything that is a bog standard expectation of a parent. Like loving them. Playing with them. Cooking. Cleaning. Attending school events. Booking dentist appts, haircut, shopping for uniform, planning holidays, sorting Christmas, noticing things they need and just sorting it out, etc etc

What amazing things does he do?

Fyi, amazing husbands and fathers don't take their kids savings and aren't financially irresponsible so all these amazing ways of his have to be extra amazing to compensate for the fact he's sponging off a young child.

well it depends what 'his bills' are - if he pays the rent/utilities or whatever out of his account then if he absolutely can't cover them then obviously it would make sense for her to lend him it rather than risking her and her child being evicted or whatever. You only have to miss 3 ctax payments (over the year, not even concurrently) to be sent a final notice asking you to pay the whole year.

even if it's 'just' purely bills for him, like a phone contract or overdraft if they did ever want to buy a house (sounds like it's never going to happen tbh) it would obviously be better for them both to have good credit ratings.

Obviously I agree that OP shouldn't be subsidising him - presumably if she wasn't around he'd have to get the money from somewhere, but given they are living together its not unreasonable for her to take the path with the least chance of negative consequences to her, not just him, rather than demanding he take out a payday loan etc. Agree he's not a 'great dad' though- presumably if you weren't together either he'd be a single dad and wouldn't be able to feed his child for a week, or he'd be not paying you maintenance because he's spent it on something else.

If your DS savings are in any decent account he's losing £150 in interest for every year his dad doesn't pay him back .

Where did your child get their savings? He's stolen it. That's not the behaviour of a good dad.

Stop lending him money. He's holding you back.

Exactly, a great dad or father provides for their child. Not takes their savings to buy a car for themselves. Then asks the child’s mum to pay the bills.

He is not a great dad, or partner. He would not give you his last dime. He has just stolen 3k from your child; he allows you to bail him out.

he is not a hard worker either, he refuses employment. You are delusional. Leave now

He falls well short of being a great dad and partner,I wouldn't give him another penny.

The priority should be setting up a plan to repay your child's money not for him to be 'saving', it sounds like there'll always be an excuse for him to spend it 🤨

You’re clearly not going to listen to reason so nothing will ever change. 🤷🏻‍♀️

You’ll never own your own home whilst you’re with him, unless your partner accepts he needs to manage his money like a responsible adult.

He’s not going to do that whilst you’re treating him like a child and bailing him out every time he fucks up. Where’s the incentive to sort himself out?

You could do so much better with a decent man who acts like a responsible adult and parent. Sadly, you picked a Lemon. 🍋

If, as the op says, he's not hiding anything, then where is the money going?
She would know if it was large luxury purchases, right?
I strongly suspect it's covering all the bills.
Let's face it, you need a bloody good wage for one person to do that nowadays.
Income probably needs to go up and outgoings down.
He could maybe take more work to pay back the £3000 which looks like it won't be paid back otherwise.
How part time is part time,op? Could you work more and contribute more to the bills?

You lend money if giving to others and borrow if your receiving it.
You would be crazy to lend him any he's a grown up who should prioritise his money.

Why will you 'obviously give him the money'?

Seriously.

Why?

You need to look at a budget as a family.

You work part time - pay for "what you can" and save.

Perhaps if he paid only for "what he can" then there would be things going unpaid.

The only way you can know if your budget is fair to both of you is to look at what you have coming in, what needs to go out on fixed expenses and what is left to pay for fuel, food, haircuts, presents, leisure activities, annual bills such as house and car insurance... He might be needing loans to cover the fact that there is a shortfall in your income compared to outgoings and the only way you will know is to look at the figures. If that is the case it will only spiral unless your income or outgoings change.

How will he possibly pay your kid 3 grand back, he can’t even pay his bills.

If he pays all the house bills does he have any disposable income?
If he has disposable income there is a choice not to save, but if he is maxing out every month paying bills, that is a different matter.
Is he up to date with the Inland Revenue?
You need a good honest sit down discussion with pen and paper, and a look at outgoings allowing for all the recent increases.
I would want to be sure he's not struggling to make legitimate ends meet firstly.
Are there childcare costs involved? Does his work pay enough- will it pay enough going forward? Etc etc.
I wouldn't link finances but I would want to make sure it's reasonably fair for both of you.
When you do sit down, see what expenditure you can reduce. Concentrate on getting an emergency fund. Then pay of debts and don't get any more.
If he is open to learning about money management, perhaps he's just not had the opportunity before.
Good luck.

Christmas comes at the same time every year.

If you know you're always broke in January plan for it so that next year you will be prepared.

I'm surprised you were expecting a different response from posters frankly.

I think you have blinkers on OP. Which is understandable.

Good luck.

You can’t afford to work part-time. You need full financial independence from this train wreck.

If he wants 300 to pay his bills, it should be on the condition of opening up his finances and letting you see everything. Then the two of you will make him a budget. That budget will include a payment to repay the money he took from your child.

Have you thought about the fact that he needs to be putting in about 25 a month without fail to get it repaid on time? That money also isn’t earning interest.

*I allowed him to borrow the money which I will obviously make sure he returns"

How exactly are you going to make sure he returns it? Short of him being paid in cash and you literally taking that from him what's the mechanism to do that?

Were you aware of his imoney irresponsibility before you had a child?

Set the repayment plan to repay your child not build savings. Repay this first and then save. Your child may not have access until he is 18 but he is missing out on earning interest on that amount unless DP is paying him that too.

As you both know you will have 2 weeks off unpaid budget for that ahead rather than spend and catch up. It's not rocket science.

Further you say you have slent a fortune over Christmas. Again and I don't mean to sound harsh just don't. Budget wisely and live within your means

You said in the title your op that you don't want to lend him money, but you're happy to steal your child's money to lend to him instead! Woah.

If you can't "make sure" he has enough for the bills and only asks for money from your children in an actual emergency, good luck "making sure" he sticks to a payment plan.