AIBU to not borrow DP money?

He could have got lifts off a coworker- how is that sustainable long term, especially with a wife and 2 kids too.

MNers are always bleating on about learning to drive and getting a car, apart from in this case apparently.

How is someone working FT and paying all of the bills needing to take out loans and borrow savings, not for luxuries, but for a car to get to work and to pay their bills, whilst their DP is only working PT and still managing to put money away for savings.

Paying the bills comes first and that comes before OP putting money away for savings.
She’s not lending him the money, just like he’s not doing every month when he’s paying all of the bills.

They are a couple and so the money should be joint.
He’s paying all of the bills with his money, yet she has mentioned having to lend him any of her money - it’s his money too.

I’ve lost count of how many threads are started by SAHP asking to borrow money and posters saying it’s family money etc.

The same as a few others have said - if he hasn’t got enough money to pay the bills, and it’s him paying all of them, you need a FT job and you need to properly contribute.

he stooped so low as to take your child's money

WOW

and now he wants you to lend him more ?

NOT until the child has been repaid ! with interest !!!

How on earth does your child have so much in savings!

Anyway, your partner is a dud, definitely don't lend any more.

Put your sons money in a junior ida so he can't take any out in future

He didn't need the car. It says it, black and white, right there. £3k gone for no reason.

Sorry. No YANBU. I can't believe he's stolen £3k from your child and you've accepted that.

LEND

a hard worker who would give us his last dime

Well that isn't true is it? He isn't giving you his last dime to give you a home and support your children and their future he is just taking and taking and taking. Stop deluding yourself and start coming down harder on him and let him know he is going to lose his family if he doesn't shape up and mean it.

This isn't bad money management, he is self employed running his own business he can add/subtract, it is not giving a shit.

You are going to spend your life chasing the pennies, waste years where you could have been investing your families money in your families future - buying a home, saving for the kids going to uni etc - with this guy if he doesn't grow up soon.

Why did you ler him "borrow" £3000 of yoir child's money?! I doubt he will give that back!

If he needs to take out loans or borrow money from their savings to be able to get to work to be able to pay their bills, then that’s what needs to happen.

If OP had posted that she needed to ask her DH to borrow £300 to pay bills posters would lose their minds over it.

The question is when will YOU learn.

There's this stupid myth that women are gold diggers. I dont want gold, I want financial security in a partner. Its actually my top 5 things I look for a partner. I grew up piss poor and I'm not going through that as an adult. We don't like to talk about money, but if you are not on the same page with regards to security than I would reconsider the relationship. He falls back on you, who do you fall back on?

Well seeing how he is constantly borrowing from you how in hell do you think he is going to pay back your child?????

Honestly OP you are being incredibly foolish and not fair to your child. It wasn't your money to lend.

You are both irresponsible.

I actually think that you are part of the problem here. You allowed him to have the £3K from your child's account. You enabled him. You are both skint from spending too much at Christmas. So you were both financially irresponsible.

If I were you, I'd get a full-time job, as you will never ever get on the housing ladder by relying on your partner. You're clearly more responsible than he is, but you have to stop enabling his behaviour. You would massively benefit from some financial freedom and working full-time should hopefully help with that.

I could never be with a partner who wasn't transparent with financials. I couldn't ever be with someone who racked up debt, took high interest loans, overspent at Christmas, couldn't save, wouldn't show me their account when they are having financial problems etc. But you've made it clear you are staying with him, you've made your bed, so to speak.

*He owes my 7 year old £3000 from his savings as he needed it to buy a car 'so he could get to work' turns out he could have got a lift everyday with co worker.

Recently I found out he took another loan out with ridiculous interest added which is another set back for us to buy a house.

He is self employed and although he's been offered employment which I have encouraged him to take, he gets defensive and refuses.*

That's why he's useless.

Exactly this.
They need to change their names to Feckless and Reckless.

Why is he useless for working FT and paying ALL of the bills but OP isn’t useless even though she only works PT??

She is spending the money too, especially the Christmas money and using half of the bills.

If he’s having to take out loans or borrow from their savings to pay the bills, then it’s likely it’s because they can’t afford their lifestyle.

Perhaps OP should get a FT job and pay half of the bills if they can’t afford their lifestyle.

He’s not a great dad, he stole 3k from your child and can’t pay his bills . Give your damn head a shake will you. How is he even going to pay it back when he’s taken out a loan and is already asking to borrow money.

Bin him. This will go on forever.

That said I don’t think you’re much better either, not if you agreed on him taking that money. It doesn’t make you a great parent either.

You’re both as bad as each other in many ways.

Wow! How in the name of all things holy are you going to ensure your child's money is reimbursed?! He's taken out another loan and already asking to borrow more. That £3,000 is most definitely at the bottom of the pile for repayment. Unless you pay it back on his behalf which I suspect is what will happen. But of course that will impact the house deposit savings.
You've no chance.

This! ⬆

What are you thinking, letting him raid your child's savings?

And as for this I will obviously give him the money - why "obviously"?

You should "obviously" be demanding money back to replenish your child's account (plus interest) not throwing more and more cash after this bottomless pit of a bloke.

Make him sell the fucking car if that's the only way you can get any of it back!

He's useless. Get what you are owed and get rid.

I will obviously give him the money,

For as long as you're willing to "borrow" him money he'll keep asking for it so he doesn't need to stop working self employed.

Anyway, over Christmas we have spent a fortune and are both skint

Even you seem to be spending money you don't have. Sort yourself out first by telling your DP you've got debts of your own to pay off including the money you took from your DC.

If the money was in your child's name in the first place you have breached your duty as a trustee of that money for your child to use it only for their benefit and your child owns that car (which will be a bad investment as a depreciating asset) and you could find yourself in legal trouble in the (admittedly unlikely) event it was ever challenged in court.

Whether it was or wasn't in your child's name, by giving it to their feckless father you are depriving your child of the compound interest that would outgrow have increased the size of that pot and will be for as long as it is not paid back (which I assume will be the 12th of never). I assume you're not calculating the most interest and requiring he pay that back too?

What you do with your own money is your own business and you seem determined to throw good money after bad - that's your choice. You have done absolutely the wrong thing by making the same decisions for your child's money and morally, if not legally, have no right to do so.

You keep saying he’s irresponsible. What’s he spending the money on? Unless he’s a low earner and his earnings don’t cover his share of the bills he sounds selfish and like he’s buying things for himself and then taking money from his kids for essentials. So where is the money going? Alcohol? Gambling? Trainers? Computer Games? Drugs? Prostitutes? Cigarettes? Takeaway? Somewhere he’s spending an unreasonable amount of money on treats for himself and expecting his children’s savings to make up the shortfall. Do you know where the money is actually going? Because money doesn’t just disappear, he’s spending it somewhere and I bet he’s spending it on things which only benefit him rather than the whole family.

How has a 7 year old got £3k. Is it from relatives. How is your money split. Who earns the most. People just jumped to conclusions before they know the facts.