AIBU to not borrow DP money?

The £3k that’s gone And he won’t repay. He knows you won’t insist and that a child has no agency to exert
Your lifestyle is impacted and no ability to buy a house as he’s too feckless and his credit rating will be appalling

question is,what do you want to do? Tolerate his fecklessness
Issue an ultimatum he cannot fulfill

Hes not a great dad, he’s flawed and irresponsible

He doesn't give you his last dime though does he, he takes it. Get used to a life of poverty and misery, and look forward to being left with a load of debt when he can't screw any more money out of you and buggers off with the woman he's told that you don't understand him.

It's disgusting that you allowed someone you know to be totally financially irresponsible and untrustworthy access to your child's money.

He is NOT a good father, or a good partner. Why is your bar so pitifully low?

Oh also, what area does he work SE in? If Construction and he works through the CIS scheme, tell him to sort out his tax and he may get a fairly decent rebate- probably more than enough to pay your son back the money he's taken for the car.

I'm sorry OP,
You need to pressurise him into giving your child that money back.
Give him £300, and start making steps to financially separate yourself from him.

In regards to buying a house, some shared ownerships do from 10% shares. You should save this money yourself, and get one of those, so you atleast have a stable tenancy for yourself and your kids. It needs to be for you, and not him because he will piss on every plan you ever have to get forward.

You loan him money not borrow him it ffs
He is a great dad and partner
where? when he's lying, taking his child's money, running up debt?
You've very low standards of that's great!!

This , this and this

Is the employment he was offered more profitable than being self employed? If it is, he should be taking it until he gets himself out of debt.

Was the £3,000 for your child money that you had saved, or gifts from family?

Either way, I think it’s an absolutely despicable thing to do.
And now you’re just making excuses for him.

Your question was, when will he be responsible about money.
The answer is that he won’t.

So you were complicit in him stealing your child’s moneys?!? Great job there 👏🏻

He is a great dad and partner and a hard worker who would give us his last dime, but he is just so irresponsible when it comes to managing money.

But that is just not true is it? Hard to believe you can be a real poster when you are so naive.

@bethe1uwant2 He is a great dad and partner and a hard worker who would give us his last dime,

He would give anyone his last dime because he doesn't value money and the minute he had given it to you he would be asking to borrow it back again.

One of the things I hate most about Mumsnet is when comments tell someone to leave their partner, but honestly, things are never going to change. This man will sponge off you and your DCs for the rest of his life. You will never own your own house. You will never have savings. You will never have a pension that you have not provided. And when your DCs are grown he will do the same to them.

You need to think about whether you really want to spend your life with this dead weight clinging to you and dragging you down.

I would seriously consider telling him that unless he takes the job, starts paying your DS back, and borrows nothing more from either of you, you will leave him.

I know it is patronising and emasculating, but if you do stay then I would also consider telling him that he can only have a pre-paid debit card and cannot sign any more credit agreements, so he can only spend what he has and should have no bills to pay. He would hate it at first, but he might actually find it a relief to get to the end of the month with no debt, and maybe even with 50 quid left over to pay off DS and later contribute to your joint future.

He is not being an adult, so either you need to be or you need to think about a future without him. Giving him cash handouts is not helping him and is setting your DCs a very negative example of how relationships should run.

OP, some of these comments may be difficult to read but I hope you consider this thread as a wake up call.

What kind of person would take £3k out of child savings for something that they did not need?

100% agree with this. He really has skewed values and a zero moral compass if he is taking money from his children’s accounts. So no, definitely not a ‘great’ father, and your bar must be set really low if you actually believe that.

You honestly cant think that 3k is coming back? You need to write that off as gone -he is shit with money and frequently spends more than he has. How is he ever going to repay 3k? I'd expect him to be putting the money back in savings already at a small amount every month, even a fiver. He clearly can't or won't.
You need to sit down and have a conversation about jobs, income and spending and how you will be giving your son back the 3k.

@bethe1uwant2 have you both got Experian or Clearscore to see your credit file?
If you are planning a future house buy, you really need to see what is actually going on.
I recall with some embarrasment, sitting in a bank ready to do the whole joint mortgage thing with a Dp. I had completely forgotten an old debt.
It came up on the bank computer. My point is, you need to know exactly where you stand.

as dp since I have known him has been irresponsible with money and forever in dept.

What made you think that he would change?

He sounds awful. Taking your child's savings is pretty shocking. That money should be invested in a bond or similar and earning interest.

He is not a good dad.

I think you made a mistake in your opening post. It should have read ‘I took £3,000 from my 7 year old without his informed consent and gave it to someone who lacks the financial capacity to return it. How do I make this right?’

Nevermind when will he learn- when will
YOU learn? Your children’s savings are your responsibility and lending them was your decision. Very irresponsible of you to give it away. Yes his behaviour is awful but you have enabled it in full knowledge of his track record.

Its my usual question. Why do you stay?

Neither of you appears to have much sense OP and he is definitely not a good father and partner. He took £3000 from your child and turned down a permanent steady income in favour of working for himself but does he regularly earn more working for himself than a steady income would provide? You now need to sit down with him and work out what your combined income is and how much your combined essential outgoings are. After doing that is there any slack for him to pay your child back? You will never own a home if your expenditure is greater than your income.

He owes his child £3000, that's a shit Dad right there.

As long as he has not paid that 3000k back it’s losing interest - so he’s lost your kid money whichever way you look at it.

You’re right his fecklessness will mean you will never own your own home - as you’re self employed make sure you have your own private pension plan otherwise you will be fkcd.