Are my kids naughty or normal

Oh do behave, as if toddlers never tried to run around in the past 🙄

Of course they did.

They needed parenting then and they need it now.

That will NEVER change, so quit with the ageism.

I think it would be wise to limit trips while Op is working on behaviour@redxlondon

Online groceries plus pop to a shop for a couple of things, lots of praise for helping.
Lunch out Maccies-quick , go at quiet time
Enforce sitting and no running indoors
Also check
Are they getting enough sleep ?
Work on transitions etc

The implications of this are sexist. The best behaved kids I know are a family of 4 boys.

I saw a woman in tears recently out shopping with kids of your age - simultaneous tantrums, and she was pregnant again too. It's not easy.

Despite people on here probably disapproving of wrist straps, sounds like your 3.5 yo could do with one outdoors - they usually hate them, so it's an incentive to behave better.

This is ridiculous … children can be taught to behave, parents have lives too.

Firstly, get your shopping delivered or do click and collect. Never take toddlers food shopping...!

Secondly, put together a small activity bag of fiddle toys, tiny colouring, squishies, and snacks- whatever your kids like and take that with you to restuarants etc. You need to arm yourself. Kids this age are ruthless...!

I'm not going to trawl though all the posts because threads like this are a magnet for bullies.

@Jingledog the main thing I'd say here is to try to remember that in children, all behaviour is communication. Your children are telling you they are bored, excited, anxious etc in the only ways they know how. They should never be punished for communicating.

Restaurants are for grown ups and are insufferably dull for small children. I think you're on a hiding to nowhere taking preschoolers to what you hope will be a sociable lunch.

You have a lot to manage and I'd be trying to make it as easy as possibly by buying groceries online (or going alone when you can) rather than dragging little children with me, limiting catch ups to picnic-style occasions in good weather or at each other's homes, and getting the children to be physically active early in the day. That will help them feel calm.

Believe what the nursery says about your little boy being kind and well behaved. I'm sure he is.

So often we as a society expect children to be mini adults rather than the very small civilians-in-training that they are.

And we are also very judgmental of mothers dealing day in, day out with what is largely a thankless and tiring life.

Hang in there, it will get easier.

Of course you don’t want to “give it air time” because that would mean taking responsibility for what you’ve done, and you won’t.

You’ll just blame your kids and say they’re naughty rather than looking at why they’re actually behaving as they are.

Most children will tantrum, it’s inevitable, but how you deal with them is what’s important.

Dealing with them appropriately means you’ll see less of them and they won’t be as intense when they do, because you’ll have taught them how to cope.

You are giving in, so you have rewired their brain and taught them to scream to get what they want and now are confused as to why this happens 🤔

....."I have tried not giving in to them but the tantrums are extreme and long so sometimes give them what they want as my nerves can't take anymore."
**
and that's why they do it

Children aren naughty , they are just trying to communite that they are not happy or comfortable.
In your case it could have been they needed to run around in which case playground or park were better places for them to be at rather than a cafe. The supermarket/shopping centre could have been overwhelming for them, too much noise, people, new things to do etc.

Personally those ages in a supermarket unless a quick dash is tricky.
Firmly before tell them what you want them to do.
Sit in the trolley/ hold my hand.
Change the rule to no running indoors and enforce it.
Meal times always at the table at home and out
Calm voice ,no shouting

There is a mid way between doing nothing/ bribing and shouting your head off.

It depends on the child.
DD was parented worss than DS, she was excellent from very early on.
DS has all the time in the world, I'm calmer, he should be the well behaved one... nope. Not at all.

Kids will be kids I say, but if they're creating issues in restaurants, find somewhere they're less likely to "stand out"

Normal. Children aren't born knowing how to behave in public and nor do they learn overnight, it's an ongoing process. Can you try and spend some time in public places that doesn't involve you also trying to do other things ie the shopping or talking to a friend, so you can focus on them and teach them? Also try to resist comparing your children - and yourself - to others because it just adds pressure on to you. It can be difficult with one child that age never mind two. I only have the one and always resisted resorting to handing her a screen and it's paid off, but again I was fortunate that I only had the one neurotypical child. I always took other things to entertain her and still often do even it's just some paper and pens.

How do they behave when your husband takes them out, OP?

Yabu for taking 2 kids that age to a restaurant and a supermarket!
Meet at a soft play next time and leave them at home when you go shopping. Your expectations are unrealistic and they are not naughty.

A 3 year old is too young to respond to that kind of punishment. It simply won't work unless as a direct response to them messing with the tv or throwing food around.

Bit of both I think, I think they do sound on the naughty end but they're young so you can nip it in the bud. I have 3, 16/14/2.5

My advice would be to make the shop a game, find certain items or colours, take a fun toy strapped to pram if you're still using it. Youngest is currently into pirates so we make everything a pirate treasure hunt.

I wouldn't have allowed getting down from the table in the restaurant in the first place. You need an array of activities ready if you want to eat out. Toys, stickers, books, puzzles etc

Oh yes, totally agree. The more children, the harder it is I'm sure. I guess it means it's even more important to have clear boundaries and consistency - otherwise I'd imagine it would be really stressful to go anywhere!

As a new parent I’m just curious, what do the royal family do that means their children are so well behaved and boring public events??

Yes! I often see it happen. Child runs off, adult goes and gets them. You can even use a stern tone of voice - there is a world of difference between being firm or stern and shouty.

All this ‘they misbehave you punish by going home immediately’ has no one even considered restaurants and cafes are likely quite boring places for very small impulsive children who are clearly very active bodied types to keep their arses glued to a chair for an hour?

Going home (or just getting outside and off a seat/highchair) might be exactly what they want/need. The ‘punishment’ of going home might be the exact outcome the behaviour is trying to achieve, removal from a place that exceeds their current ability to meet social expectations at this time.

I used to think I was The Bestest Parent Ever when my first three little angels would behave almost always impeccably in most situations. Proper fucking smug I was.
Then Number four came and it was like being hit with a train. Completely different, all the parenting strategies of before that had seemed to ‘train’ my kids to be perfect little angels failed spectacularly. Number four was literally borderline feral. The moment she could mobilise it was chaos.

I’d love to go back and have a word with the Smug Me that used to eyeball other parents in the supermarket etc with judgement. I had no idea the battle they were facing if they’d spawned a preprogrammed wild one.

If you have never had chalk and cheese children and experienced how different kids can be in the same home with the same parents and same boundaries and consequences, it’s easy to completely assume it’s ALL down to perfect parenting if your child is easy to manage. But it’s so so much more than that.

OP no your kids should not be wilding it up in a cafe etc but perhaps they just CANT reliably sit still with table based activities yet. Your job as a parent is to know that on the days where it’s a shit show, abort mission, go home! Not as a punishment but because they aren’t regulated enough that day or have way too much excess energy to be cooped up in a cafe. Children aren’t some kind of flatline of mood/capability. Just like us they have days where they can cope better with all the demands of life it’s your job as a parent to monitor where you are at and adjust the day accordingly. You’re not a bad parent and your children aren’t bad. You’re just in the trenches right now and if you have children that are mostly wild rather than only occasionally wilded up, that’s exhausting.

.........I just want to know the one who suggested physical restraint

Strapping a child into a buggy/ car seat/ high chair isn't "restraint" - it's not like handcuffs for an adult.

The above are just methods used by all parents for keeping children safe.