Are my kids naughty or normal

I have one calm and placid one who likes to be creative and would have sat and drawn or read if out with a friend and I have another who is very “spirited” and was much more of a challenge I have for boundaries and consistency has been the most helpful way calm things in the situations you describe, they know that if I say something and give a consequence I will follow through. I have had to leave drinks with friends or an activity so many times because that was the consequence i offered. So I learnt to make the consequence something I was willing to give up too. It does work though they are much older now but even now my youngest will run circles around my DH who has never be consistent, and they’re much better behaved for me.

Why would you parent two completely different children the same?

My eldest and my middle DC were like chalk and cheese and had to be parented accordingly.

I have two boys and we have parented them exactly the same.Ds1 was a restless,loud and boisterous boy.I was always running after him.He had no stop button.While Ds2 was a calmer,quiet and sensitive boy.He was easier to reason with.Just different personalities.Love them equally.

A 2 year old can't even really make that connection that you left because they were naughty.

I tried this a lot with my kids and it didn't really click at that age. It had to be much more immediate, as by the time you've got up and left etc, they just don't make that connection. Of course we've also left restaurants before, but it wasn't really as a punishment. It was more just because it wasn't fun for anyone, so we were better off leaving.

I don't think the fact that you went home twice and then gave them a boring sandwich is why your kids behaved. They probably just grew out of it. A two year old definitely won't understand that he only gets a sandwich because he was naughty an hour before at a restaurant.

Whilst tantrums are fairly normal. Mine only ever did it if they were over tired / hungry but it was when they were younger than 3. Mine have always been capable of sitting in a cafe / restaurant and have never ran around screeching - that is “naughty” and i hate that behaviour. Mine would “read” with books or draw or play with small toys like you describe your friends children doing / eat snacks or “chat” but if they learn that tantrums work as you say you give in they’ll learn that. I have never, ever given my kids a screen (tablet or phone) whilst waiting for a meal and so they never learned that and as such could sit and play.

Behaviour is communication.
learned behaviour happens.
mart good habits and boundaries. If they’re wailing because they’re not getting their way…have a conversation with them and then crack on if they carry on.

Your question was, are they naughty or normal. I'm afraid they sound a little naughty to me. (though being naughty occasionally IS normal) Do they get away with it without consequences?

My kids were generally quite placid, but they played up a couple of times in restaurants and we just packed up immediately and went home.

Apologised to servers and explained to the kids exactly why the treat was ending, tea was then an incredibly boring sandwich and early to bed with no treats.

We only had to be disappointed about missing meals out twice. After that, they knew we meant business and behaved perfectly. (Two boys).

Set the boundaries early, they will appreciate it and you will be glad of it.

Absolutely not! Kids need to learn the behave in certain situations! That’s the problem with society today- parents just avoid difficulty situations so kids literally never learn how to behave in society!

I absolutely wouldn’t put up with my kids running around in a restaurant.
You also can’t stop going to a restaurant because they’ll never learn.
The fact you’ve started with screens now makes life difficult for you but, if you stick to your guns you can get rid of that. You just need to be really consistent. Don’t even take the screens with you.
Have a few consequences in your back pocket that you know you can use rather than just empty threats.
I hear people saying to their kids all the time “we’ll go home if you don’t stop” and never actually go home. I tend to say “if you carry on we will go and sit in the car”
That’s far more easy to carry through.
But yes in all honesty it does sound like your kids are a bit naughty but that’s down to you. You need to toughen up and mean no when you say it. Practice in front of a mirror being stern and not shouting.

I have boys and have never used screen time in that setting. And guess what? The eldest (aged 5) can sit quietly and knows how to concentrate and behave in that setting. Did you have colouring, puzzle books, reading books etc with you?

Then please don't let me stop you from saying nothing.

If you seriously interpreted that post as “let them run around in a variety of restaurants” rather than “take them to a pub with an outdoor playground or something else more child-friendly”, I don’t know what to say to you.

Some people seem to need to have everything spelled out for them.

You're quite right. I've noticed this many times with your posts, but didn't like to tell you.

This is why I avoided taking my children out to eat (or anywhere in fact) until they were over 5 - they were a nightmare. They're a lot older now but they still get restless. Every child is different so you really can't, and probably shouldn't, compare. I have two boys, a colleague has two girls, roughly the same age - his children get on, rarely argue etc. Mine are the best of friends but life resembles a WWE match 90% of the time. They're kids, just correct the behaviour and don't sweat it - it doesn't last :)

@BananasInThreePieceSuits you're just making assumptions though. I'm sure the OP parents her children. Just because she said she sometimes gives into a tantrum. Or she said that her kids ran around a restaurant once. My kids have done that/ tried to do that. Sometimes I was able to control them/ distract them, other times we had to leave. I've also given into tantrums occasionally.

I've seen first hand how children grow out of it. Young children of 2 and 3 can be completely unreasonable sometimes. It takes time for them to develop emotional maturity.

You can be as firm as you like, sometimes things escalate because you're too firm. You're better off ignoring them / leaving a place and finding different activities to do that don't trigger their wrath. Mid tantrum, you literally can't do anything to make it stop.

I'm 100 percent sure OP has taken some advice on board, but to completely accuse someone of ' not parenting ' because they described a couple of instances is bonkers.

My kids are getting so much better now they're older. ( not the youngest, he's only 2 ). They make so much progress, just with time. I haven't handled every situation perfectly, but they're ok and have grown out of it.

You're determined to tear the OP down when she was in a vulnerable moment.

Well of course you would agree with the replies that mean you don’t have to change anything 😂

They aren’t going to grow out of it. You have to actually parent them.

Sometimes I wonder why people have children when they don’t want to put in the effort to parent them 🤔

And most intelligent readers completely understood what you meant when you suggested taking the kids to another space. Some people seem to need to have everything spelled out for them.

I think a lot really is down to temperament and personality. Some kids are just spirited toddlers / preschoolers and you just need to wait for them to mature. Whilst also setting boundaries, keeping them safe, avoiding situations which spiral, preempting tantrums when you can, distracting them when you can and making sure you look after yourself in the meantime too. A lot of patience is required.

My youngest two were angels - pretty much all down to their personalities. They're still like that now. My oldest couldn't be taken into a cafe or restaurant until he was about 4 due to not being able to sit and be still/quiet, he's just always been an outdoors child and HATED being made to be still, so we simply didn't take him. No amount of tryng to teach him worked, so we just waited until he was mature enough to understand social rules etc. He's a great 10 year old now and a delight. Back then though, no way was that toddler going to sit still.

Can you read? I was replying to a particular poster's comment.

Does this help you?

So interesting and original - did it hurt? Bye.