Are my kids naughty or normal

Nanny advice is good on setting boundaries before you go in but also make sure there is a tangible reward and be reasonable. You can't suddenly expect them to sit so say if you can sit and not run around for x minuets, we can go blah after or hot choclate or something...

Reward them in small bites and lead them along.

They will get used to the idea that doing good stuff gets rewards.

Ultimately you'll end up with far more ruined days out if you don't put the consequences in now though.
If my DD repeatedly didn't listen to me telling her not to run round the restaurant we would go home, because if she can't behave in a safe way that doesn't disrupt others, then we can't stay.

I'd stop screens entirely and go from there, also have a look at what they're watching. I've seen kids go from absolutely feral to a lot more co operative simply from having screen time either limited massively or stopped entirely and outdoor play increased. The fact your dc calmed when given the instant gratification of a screen would be concerning to me.

They sound like brats, sorry.

Mine were given the chance to walk in the supermarket at that age but any messing about they went in the trolley. I used to do similar to a PP in that they’d be given tasks to do or we’d sing songs or see how many green things we could spot or whatever. Call it performance parenting if you want but they weren’t throwing themselves on the floor. Of course they weren’t angels, I definitely carried them out the supermarket like a surf board a couple of times.

Same with walking and holding hands. We used to live near a dual carriageway so were ‘hand trained’ early. If they wouldn’t then it was back in the buggy. I did have to wrestle them in a couple of times but they soon realised (even at that age) it was more fun to walk and hold hands than be in the buggy.

Restaurants/cafes we’ve never done screen time. We do colouring, play dobble, do stickers etc but equally at that age it was a quick pitstop not a leisurely lunch. I’d maybe take a box of raisins to keep them busy and from being too hangry before the food came but sitting down was a non-negotiable. It’s safety above all else. Mine were also still in a high chair probably later than others but it meant they couldn’t readily escape!

Check out nanny aimes on Instagram and TikTok

she has great strategies for dealing with your supermarket scenario

If you give lots of constructive outlets for the toddler behaviour you can put your foot down when you need to.

Well the obvious answer to your question is that yes, your children are being 'naughty'. I would prefer say that they are misbehaving though personally.

It seems as though it's at least partly your fault as you give in to them, that's the worst thing to do for a child behaving as you've described.

What punishments have you tried?

In the restaurant situation, instead of just giving them the screen I would take them away from the table (outside or to the toilets) and explain that their behaviour is unacceptable and you will be leaving if it continues. Then follow through with that.

You may have to miss out on social interactions, but you'll miss out on a lot more when people refuse to meet you because your kids ruin it.

Normal.

The only way I think to manage it is to anticipate times when you need the kids to behave and before you put them in that situation you give them, as much attention, fun and chance to run off steam as you can... Then you have better chance of getting what you need from them when you say it's time to be quiet / can't give them much attention.

If you are in a shopping/ coffee with friends situation and your kids haven't had a dose of free play/ attention yet, much more likely it will all go wrong.

Also you need to try to work with their inclination to 'be involved' (it's exhausting but worth it). So when mine were that age I gave the eldest a toy trolley and a list (pictures) and we 'shopped together' (the list was a few things I knew would fit in the toy trolley .. also I bigged up older child to help keep 'our' baby happy... Baby getting upset, can you entertain her / find her a snack

I was trying to reassure the OP that in spite of some of the "perfect" parents on here, actually it's more down to DC's personalities than any special parenting techniques

No. Being consistent and firm is an essential part of parenting. Children need boundaries in order to feel safe and secure.

You said it. You always give in so they won't stop till you do.

You absolutely shouldn’t let them run round restaurants. It’s dangerous and it’s unfair to the staff. If you can’t get them to behave in restaurants you shouldn’t be taking them there. Also - how much screen time do they get? That’s not great parenting tbh.

@LaughterTitsoff I don't understand your post or your attack.

I was being humorous. Of course pulling things off is dangerous so of course you monitor your dc and make sure they can't do it.

Or you try and strap them into a pushchair or trolly.
I was being lighthearted. If you delve into any of child development you will see that they all develop at different times in different ways.
I'm pragmatic, choose your battles do what's necessary for safety obviously but also work around what your child can do at what time and age.

If i took my grandchildren to the shops at that age, they would likely do the same! They’re not naughty, theyre toddlers!!!

They are not well behaved enough to go to restaurants and cafes if they do this, as they could cause an accident/ be gravely injured with hot food around and glass etc. I would have said firmly 'stop and sit down now or we will leave.' Then take them out of there immediately if they don't comply. (your friend will no doubt be fully understanding) Then no screen time at home on return. And maybe some other sanction to show them they need to behave in public. I am sure it's not that easy but being firm and showing them you mean business and will not reward bad behaviour might work.

Mine were like this.

I did online shopping for about 3 years from when they were about 18 months until they got into school.

We left a few restaurants as they tantrumned.

I didn't give in but they could easily have hour long tantrums no problem.

I met up with friends in parks and outside as much as possible, or at nct groups or for coffee in peoples houses.

Get your shopping delivered

Let's not blame 'testosterone' here.

I have 3 sons and two of them very much wanted to run around and go crazy at every opportunity.

It was hard work to be consistent in not allowing it but again, that's part of parenting and keeping your children safe.

Do you set expectations and boundaries before you go in the cafe? As in "we are going in the cafe, you will need to sit still because of people carrying hot drinks and food, what toy or book would you like to take with you to help you sit still? If you are noisy or running around then we have to leave" (and make sure you are prepared to follow it through if you say this)
As a nanny, I carry a "busy bag" with paper, stickers, crayons, fidget toys etc that comes out in these situations. I also like to "cafe train" the kids I look after!! So we go regularly to a familiar cafe when I know it will be quieter, to get them used to how they are expected to behave when eating out. At three/four years old I will ask them to go choose a table whilst I get the drinks, to give them little bits of responsibility and control. I always try and involve children in a conversation as being sociable is a big part of going to a cafe, rather than expecting them to sit quietly whilst the adults chat.

My DS is always busy! Especially as a toddler / bit older, so DH, also quite a busy person would walk him around to see everything and keep him interested.
Neither of mine were very tantrumy but I think it's luck of the draw - DD was a bit minxy but only threw herself on the ground once - I walked away and that was that. Any grumbles about shoes or socks would end up in me just putting them in the nappy bag and they'd come out if needed
I do find my little boy (now 11) needs jobs to do, so choosing crisps, bread, milk, cheese, eggs etc - keeps him busy and engaged and me some
Help.
I always go through the veg too so they know what is what even if we don't buy them - we find all sorts of
New veggies we rarely or have never seen - kind of makes it fun!
I always get him a little something too for helping out - a Lego blond back and he'll help shop and then put away when we
Get home
Good luck, but they do change - chose your battles and keep sane!

No, you said...

She never wanted to sit and eat, a supermarket was a wonderful play ground of things to pull!! So no she wouldn't be strapped in either as that was stopping her fun.

Pulling things in a supermarket is dangerous, except she didn't know that, but you as an adult did.

Therefore parenting should always trump 'personality' for obvious reasons.

It's dangerous and selfish not to keep your kids under control and understanding that does not make one a 'perfect parent'.

That always gets trotted out on these threads and it's ridiculous as we all know there's no such thing.