Are my kids naughty or normal

I know you think this is a very clever reply but what this does is tell me you are also in the same category as the other poster.

As you’re confused about what I meant, I’ll spell it out, @TheShellBeach parented toddlers a long time ago. This is very clear by her other comments which are embarrassingly out of touch with the reality of parenting toddlers.

It's not normal. Stop giving in and parent your child. It's hard at first, but once they realize it won't work the tantrums will stop.

Sil is that you….. she has two boys who run riot every bloody where. I won’t meet up out with them. Problem is only dad tells them off mum is far tooo wishy washy.

Children just can’t be running around restaurants or cafes. So what if you have your day then ruined having to leave.. hell of a lot better then your kid getting burns because they cannot sit down.

The more you give into these meltdowns or tantrums the more they will do it. They no if they scream and stomp and throw themselves around mummy eventually gives in.

I’ve got three children 1 boy and 2 girls and by far my most headstrong was actually my youngest she hated being in the pushchair and would try and squish out her car seat while the car was moving but she had no choice in the matter she had to be in the seat or pushchair when I the parent said so no matter how much she screamed or tried to wriggle her way out it was a must. I’m the parent not her for her safety she must be restrained.

Same running around the restaurant its not safe for their own safety you must control them.

Sorry haven't rtft.

I have a mad 2.5yo OP.

And anyone who tells me to just 'make him' do anything I just want to murder.

I can't always control his behaviour so I try to control the environment which means I take him on a walk or to playgroup before we attempt to have lunch or any sitting down activity. And also make sure he's not too tired.

I make sure meeting a friend for lunch is VERY low stakes and they know it. Like if we need to make an emergency exit with food packed up in takeaway boxes that's what we do.

This means you can leave on a high if it's been good behaviour until that point or if it descends in to chaos quickly then you just tell them 'if you do that again, we're leaving' and you leave. You can never back down. That also means you have to be careful what you threaten because you'll have to do it.

Shopping/ car parks/ near roads etc all still need to be in the pushchair right from the get go. Don't test it. Does he scream, kick and thrash - yes sometimes. But safety first.

Had A LOT of success with the techniques in 'how to talk so little kids will listen'.

If I totally lose him, it's literally a fireman's lift to the car.

We are having less and less tantrums of nuclear size now his language is improving.

Solidarity! You can fix this. But it is exhausting to never be able to relax and enjoy them.

Very good advice! I will heed this myself.

OP you asked if folk think you are being unreasonable, and you're getting quite sniffy at people who tell you what they think. These days many of us have had a meal out ruined by unruly DCs whose parents can't or won't control them. The reaction to your question is bound to reflect that.

I would never let mine run around at a restaurant- it’s selfish and dangerous, it’s not the staffs job to dodge your child with hot items.Take your coat and play outside ( yes it’s cold ) if you need to run energy off. Children need space and things done before you expect them to sit . You need to train them to sit and play with some toys from your bag- set yourself up well and your ok. Restaurant waits are horrid as a youngster- it’s boring.

No kids are perfectly behaved at that age but there have to be consequences for bad behaviour and reward for good behaviour. In a restaurant or cafe, I think it's fine to let them have a bit of screen time if it keeps them in their seats and quiet!

Unpopular opinion but that behavior for 2 ds sounds normal to me. Anyone judging you clearly doesn't have a clue.

Oh don't be so silly.

Shops have existed for centuries and snacking is still a fairly new thing in comparison.

You'd do well to read the threads on here from 100s of women who can't regulate their emotions without food.

You give in = the tantrums continue.
You refuse to budge = they stop. Eventually.

If you, as a child, get your way misbehaving, you continue. My mother took the noisy battles in public. A no was a no until we were old enough to argue intelligently and quietly convince her otherwise, because she wanted children who could use logic. Until then, we tested her, she didn't budge and in the end we didn't even try, because we knew screaming wouldn't solve anything.

I get it, you don't like being that parent who can't get their child to quiet down, so you give in. But take it from a person who really hate the sound of children screaming: I don't mind as long as the sound is followed by an adult voice calming saying 'no, we don't scream in public. Other people exist.' Then it doesn't matter if the child continues to scream. I know the parent is considerate of their surroundings and that eventually the child will be taught manners.

I know it's hard, but you either need to give in immediately or don't give in at all.

All they have learned is if they keep screaming long enough you'll eventually cave.

You need to change that expectation. If you think you'll cave and it doesn't really matter then give in before it escalates. Otherwise you need to tough it out. It will take time.

I have 2 boys 13 months apart that are now adults. As soon as they could understand, I explained that I wanted to be able to take them places but if they didn't behave then we wouldn't go. Your eldest is well at that point and your younger should be getting there.

And your post is the embodiment of the typical 'well, they're my kids, so everyone has to have the feral brats inflicted on them' attitude.

Do you intentionally put your kids in danger by letting them run around in an unsafe environment, where hot food/plates are in evidence? Hmm, says a lot about you then, doesn't it? No doubt you'd have a hotline to 'Lawyers are Us' if one were to be injured?

Bundeena- to be fair i could easily have taken ONE child to a cafe as it was 1 on 1 time and way to be responsive and interactive with them.

2 under 5s is another kettle of fish!

I have children almost the same age as yours.
Your 2 year old sounds completely normal - I had to take the kids to Clarks for new shoes today. As soon as my little boy (almost 2) was free from the pushchair he ran for the doors consistently until I strapped him into the pushchair again. He then cried for a snack.

My 3.5 year old is a girl, so maybe that makes a difference. She's way more compliant to my request. I used a single pushchair and buggy board and she can walk along side and in shops whilst staying close. She has occasional tantrums when we are out - e.g. if she sees and ice cream van in January and I say it's too cold for ice cream!

At the moment I try and plan fairly chilled centred days out and keep shopping trips ect to a minimum. I'll do mostly online shopping and they can both still nap in the double pushchair so that helps. Have you read any parenting books -"the book you wish your parents have read" is good and I listened to it on Spotify. It helped me to see things from childs point of view and sympathise more.

So true, wise words. Just repeat 'this too shall pass..'

OP why are you so interested in the ages of people's kids and how they're getting on, if you don't happen to like their advice?

Would you prefer everyone said 'Keep chucking food and ipads at your kids and to hell with parenting them'?

Is that what you want from this thread?

I take my 3.5 year old to cafes regularly and he always goes grocery shopping with his dad. In fact he goes everywhere with us - museums, public transport, theatre..... He's a joy (most of the time!!) But he knows that if he misbehaves we will leave, no ifs no buts. And no screens, no snacks as distractions - for me that's not effective parenting.

Absolutely this

It's not at all a substitute for parenting but recognising that hunger can cause difficult behaviour and toddlers only have small stomachs. Don't go into a supermarket with hungry kids really is 101 and having snack on you for when they're hungry is just good planning tbh.

Look at Maslows hierarchy or needs - are they hungry/tired/cold .... do they need attention/connection.

Mine would be able to climb out of the high chair, they would have simply unclipped the straps and climbed out.