Are my kids naughty or normal

On the restraint topic - when my eldest was 2.5 she went through a running off phase. I was using a buggy board for her, youngest was under 1. I'd have to chase her with the pushchair and it was terrible so we got a double pushchair.

I employed the tactic of:

1. Warn her if she ran away she'd be strapped into the pushchair
2. After running away once she'd be strapped in, no messing.

Set the boundaries, be strict, explain it to them before hand. I find this with lots of situations, definite expected behaviour and what will happen if they run away/ misbehave.

Hope this is helpful!

Also our double pushchair has capacity for 22kg per seat. My almost 2 and 3.5 year old both weight under 15kg

I would never let a child run in a public restaurant. It's dangerous and anti social .. I wouldn't take them to one until they are old enough to sit still . It's not fair on everyone else .

My son has SN and I didn't take him to things he couldn't cope with until he could . Life is too short !

I think some children are just more laid back and placid than others. It's common for parents to have one of each (one placid, one crazy) and their parenting is the same for both. They sound normal to me.

You really need to put a stop to the running off. What if your DC knocks a waiter over, straining their ankle, so they can't work for a few days? That would be your fault. Would you offer to compensate their missed earnings?
What if they bump into a waiter who is carrying a tray of scalding hot tea, making them drop it? Child is badly scalded, waiter gets a lifetime of guilt. Your fault.
Are you seriously unable to go over to where your DC is, take hold of them and walk them/carry them back?

It does sound like there just aren't any consequences and this is working against you. I think you need to make it clear that cafes are not playgrounds and be prepared to back up what you say. It's not good enough saying oh but it ruins it for me if I have to leave. You have to be conscious that not everyone else adores your little darlings as much as you do, and unfortunately sometimes that does mean the moment being spoiled for you rather than the entire clientele of the cafe. If they understand there is a point where if they don't behave then they leave the cafe (and you are prepared to put your own enjoyment aside and back that up) then you will end up with children who learn to behave because they know you mean what you say and that it isn't all empty threats. It isn't like you will have to do this every single time and never get to unwind yourself. They will learn quick enough once they start seeing that their behaviour has consequences.

I'm kids this young I'm also not convinced by the whole don't give in to tantrums. When a toddler loses control it can be about hunger, tiredness etc. Not always a tantrum to get their own way. Make your own judgements, by all means don't give into demands for sweets etc but equally mid morning meltdowns can easily be fixed with a snack. Redirect the tantrum with choices or giving an important job. Of course sometimes you just have to leave them wailing on the floor because they cannot have 10 jars of chocolate spread (or whatever). Again none of it is naughty as such, it's more learning boundaries. A 10 year old throwing a strop to get their own way is very different to a toddler.

If the behaviour in your post is representative of their behaviour on a typical day then yes, your kids are naughty (probably because their needs and your needs are on a bit of a collision course in these scenarios).

Things I would have done to guard against the behaviours you have described above:

Saved the supermarket trip for an afternoon. Spent the morning at the park/woods/walking so the kids had burned off some energy. Ensured that they had eaten beforehand, so not hangry. Chatted/distracted them at the supermarket or let the three year old help. Put reins on the three year old so they couldn’t run away.

Ditto with the restaurant - let them burn off energy first, then go to the restaurant. Be prepared to chat/ distract as necessary. If you are with more than one adult you could take the kids outside for a walk or play while waiting for food.

I have had a hyperactive toddler myself (my first was one of those quiet and calm children you can take anywhere. The second, not so much) so I know the struggle.

I think that's unfair.
I can still remember what toddlers are like.

I can remember what worked and what didn't.

Children need to know that you won't give in to them. They need to know where they stand. Boundaries are essential for children so that they feel secure.

They shouldn't have been running around the restaurant. I have two with autism and ADHD they have never had the chance to run around a restaurant. When they were younger I used to take them to the park or soft play first. So they could run around like crazy as much as they liked. Always took a distraction if going to a restaurant like a small sensory toy or book.

All kids have times when they are like this. But if they're like this a lot it maybe suggests a problem.
I'd think carefully about where you go and if it's somewhere they are going to need to sit quietly then prepare them before so they know what you expect, bring something to do (not a screen), ensure they aren't tired or excessively hungry.
Then you need to remind them if their behaviour starts to slide. Be prepared to leave if need be, give a single warning and then if they don't do what they're told leave straight away. They will learn quickly if you stick to what you said.

Ultimately you have 2 young children and you may just need to be more realistic in your expectations until they are that bit older.

But also, assuming what you are expecting from them is age appropriate and they are not tired or hungry, do stick to the boundaries and don't bribe or threaten. There will be crying and complaints but that's normal - children should be allowed to express their feelings about the boundaries you set.

Wow.

OP you've been told now. It's your awful parenting and the tantrums are totally your fault. 😫 I bet you feel reassured now.

it sounds totally normal. You're doing absolutely fine no matter what anyone says. I have a 7 yr old boy and a 3 yr old girl and I can honestly take the 3 yr old girl most places and she's fine but my son at the same age was a bit of a nightmare (he's fine now). There's often a boy/girl difference.

Yes it sounds normal. My DS is 4 and although he doesnt tantrum anymore he doesn't sit still, I think he would eat stood on his head if I let him. I thought he was unusually hyperactive but having spent time with my mum friends with same age kids he is normal, unfortunately for me🤣.

My daughter was like this at 3 and her child (a generation later!) was the same as well - karma or what? Anyway, the main thing that worked for us was to be firm on the boundaries at home first of all so they could tantrum as much as they liked without disturbing other people. We never threatened a consequence without following through, so nothing extreme like 'if you do that again you'll go to your room until tomorrow with no dinner' more 'no TV this afternoon' or 'no yummy pudding'. They need to get the message that bad behaviour has consequences. Be firm and consistent at home, mop up the tears and then have a cuddle when the storm blows over. Going out will get better if you don't weaken. Good luck.

They are so little op and they are not naughty they are just curious about the world around them. A 2 year old at the supermarket surrounded by food so wanting a snack sounds entirely normal. Why don't you take a pouch of snacks with you. A 3.5 year old wanting to join in the shopping sounds totally normal. It's so hard when you are tired and in the thick of it to just want to get on with the shop and not take 3x more time to let the toddler do it with you but you need to find ways to direct him and get him involved. My ds quite like to push a toy pram around the supermarket and I used to ask him to fetch things for me. Or just get your shopping delivered and go to the park instead. In my experience it's very unusual for kids this age to sit still for long periods of time, they always want to be busy.

The food shop - as others have said, I think do it online.

Restaurants - I think you’ve got 3 options:

1. Stop trying to take them to restaurants. Meet your friends in parks, soft play, or other venues that won’t be so stressful.
2. As others have said, have a system of consequences where you go home if they run around and don’t listen. I know you think this is unfair because it ruins your outing, but it doesn’t sound like much fun for anyone at the moment, and with a bit of luck things start to improve.
3. Resort to the iPad / snack plan - and with that the issues others have pointed out.

Sometimes it is necessary to use physical restraint! If a child is running away, it's for safety.

OP, did you miss @LenaLamont's post. I thought it was spot on.

The idea with tantrums is to stay calm but not give in to them. Your children sound quite normal for their ages, but everytime you give in to a tantrum you are making the problem ten times worse.

They’re not naughty, all behaviour is communication.

The problem here is your poor parenting. You are causing these tantrums by giving in. You have literally trained your children to scream at you to get what they want.

Giving in doesn’t make for an easy life like you think it does. It kicks the can down the road and makes the problem more difficult to deal with.

F

Going against the grain maybe here but honestly at these ages with two of them I'd try and just make your life easier by doing online shopping and not many restaurant outings. It's just stressful to you and if you end up having to give screens they aren't really learning anyway. I still don't take my six year old shopping with me, and not often to restaurants but when we do he does behave. It's so hard especially in public when you know you can stop a tantrum by handing over a screen but maybe just try going out next time without any, and telling the kids before, so it won't be an option.

They sound over-indulged to me. My friend’s 3 y o threw herself on the ground and gave way to grief when we had to leave the play park. Her mum stood watching her until she calmed down and said ’get up, Ella. We’re going home now.’ Another friend’s two y o had a tantrum because we wouldn’t wait while he messed about climbing some steps. His parents just said ‘come on, Billy, let’s go.’ No attempt to reason or pander to it.