To let DS make his own mistakes (GCSE’s)

Oh and I totally agree that maths and english are the critical ones. On results day, DSs maths was the only one I was really anxious about (he had tolerated a tutor so we had done our best!) and he got a 4, nearly a 5. I was thrilled! And he has realised now how important that was - he credits the tutor as being instrumental in his degree!

As a teacher, I struggled with exactly the same thing with my DS (after a DD who was very self motivated) - he pushed back whenever I tried to do more. He got the GCSEs needed to a L3 BTEC at college and then enough in that to go to university and graduated last summer. Yes, he could have got higher grades but he has always done enough. He has a graduate job and is living in London. So, please hold fast and keep encouraging as much as he will allow. And I really hope it works out for you all.

Personally I 'd put in a lot of effort if necessary to make sure he passes maths and English because that can really hold people back.

If he needs other stuff I would also offer to help.

We weren't sure my DS would pass English and he wanted help so I got him a tutor.

will probably scrape by with a few passes just about

Have you had a serious conversation with him about his plans for next year? His increasingly adult responsibilities? Does he have a part time job?

Has he applied for college courses that he can actually get onto with the grades he is predicted?

I don't know it reads like you're trying to justify this instead of feeling comfortable.

Told you so isn't ever helpful, especially at 16.

Ask him about plans for college/sixth form/apprenticeship and go from there.

Not getting gcse maths and English will hold him back IMO - but he only needs passes.

What does he plan to do next? Doing the rounds of sixth forms and colleges made it clear to DS that he needed to pull his finger out and actually start revising if he wanted to proceed onto the desired course.

We do set clear expectations for DS about revising if he wants his pocket money and to be given lifts to see his mates. That’s always been the case with getting school work done though so hasn’t come as a surprise.

At 16, it's difficult.

As a teacher, I see many kids who don't work for their GCSEs despite being quite bright, and I see MANY kids so disappointed with their results, who then realise they need to re-sit maths/English to be able to follow their chosen post-16 option.

The only way forward is bribery! But... make sure you are rewarding effort rather than achievement. Have a look at his target grades, and perhaps offer some sort of reward based around those? Make sure whatever the bribery is, it is achievable but a challenge.

He'll either rise to the challenge and it's then a win win situation, or he'll just carry on as he is, so no change.

I’m not on my DS’s case either - no point. He should do well but he could do even better if he put some effort in.

Tell your friends - uni lecturers can spot the students a mile off who only got decent grades because their parents dragged them through. It all tends to go wrong at uni.

If he’s likely to pass everything and go onto the next stage that he wants then yanbu. Doing more now is delaying the problem to a later stage of his education eg university where you can’t use the same techniques.
If he’s likely to fail to move onto the next stage and blame you then he needs to be warned hence schools doing mocks for those who need a reality check.

Is there a plan B if he doesn’t get reasonable grades? Does he want to go to college or 6th form or an apprenticeship.

I think you can take a horse to water, but……….

I would expect some kind of plan though, because not being in education, training or employment wouldn’t be acceptable.

Sometimes, a sense of urgency comes upon them, the nearer to the exams they get.

He's got time on his side to pull it together in 6th form/college/apprenticeship level.

They've never been allowed to fail before - and the school will still be trying hard. That doesn't mean to rely on the school or undermine them, but he needs to be clear that this is up to him, not you, and that it is his life and you will not be blaming the school if he refuses to match their level of effort with him.

If he doesn't pass English or Maths, he will have to resit. And keep resitting until he passes. That's all there is to it.

No you aren’t. Buying him revision books, offering your help/ support and encouraging him to revise is all you can do as a parent. Policing revision when they are 16 would be too much helicopter parenting.

I think in any case there is only so much you can do. Which it sounds as though you have done (study facilities, revision guides).

DS2 is smart and could have got a better grade in his MFL GCSE - but even though I offered to go through things with him (my subject) he refused. tbf tho I am talking about a 6 instead of a 7 - yes very much so what, not affected his life.

But if your DS will get grades way below his ability and grades which will impact his future - so he could achieve 6s and 7s but will end up with 3s and 4s, making A levels impossible, then I think it is worth at least a convo with him along the lines of what do you plan to do next year/in the further future - and see if that focuses his mind.

None of us wants our DC to do really badly when they could do well. It is tough tho and I am personally not convinced that taking his devices off him will make him work any harder if he really doesn't care.