To let DS make his own mistakes (GCSE’s)

added to that everyone can see it plain as day. most corporations hire on a graduate entry basis- no degree, no entry
all professional jobs require degrees
and degrees need solid gcses
apprenticeships also extremely competitive
After that, all low skill jobs are extremely hard work so no scope for shirking there.

it's tough out there and getting tougher everyday and more competitive. if we don't prepare the younger generation, how can we expect them to fend for themselves?

I've also read a study that higher GCSE scores are correlated with higher earnings

@therealcookiemonster

for all the people pointing out examples of people who turned their lives around later on.... these are exceptions

the majority of people who don't do well in gcses regret it later. there are studies on this... and it's painfully obvious.

Has he seen the school careers advisor? Sometimes having a goal is the most motivational factor.
Assuming he has a sixth form/college course/apprenticeship lined up, then there will be minimum grade requirements (and law is England is English or Maths at 4 or above else retake or Functional Skills).
May just need to be aiming for something :-)

Has he done mocks yet? What does he want to do in September?

I don't see the point of all the stories about people who failed at education the first time due to laziness or lack of motivation, then turned their lives around later. So what? Obviously it's good that they did, and if the OP's kid flunks their GCSEs we hope they'll do the same. But we don't know if they will and we'll never know how life would have turned out otherwise anyway so it's meaningless. Maybe early failure or waiting for "the right time" was exactly what those people needed. Or maybe they would have done even better if they'd got their shit together the first time. Who knows?

In the meantime, the child's GCSEs are the thing that they are doing NOW, so doing that thing well, rather than badly, is the only form of control or influence they have over their future. Yes, at a certain point we all learn the consequences of bad choices, but that doesn't mean those choices and consequences make our lives better. If you get pissed and walk in front of bus then sure it would be great if you live rather than die, and we hope you will. But you'll still spend the rest of your life in a wheelchair wishing you hadn't done it.

If the child wasn't in school, then maybe they'd make better use of their time earning money or playing in a band. But given that they are in school, can someone explain to me what exactly is the advantage of doing it half arsed and getting results that compromise their future, rather than doing it properly?

@78gingernuts The rest of her GCSEs in my view are pointless anyway regardless of her grade. As she will now go on the learn a vocation.

Well, sure. Obviously if you regard any education that is not directly vocational as "pointless" you're not going encourage a child to work at it.

He's got to want this too. No amount of withdrawing of screen time or whatever will make him want this. It has to come from him.

All you can do is explain why you feel it matters and facilitate revision etc.

If he is otherwise a well-balanced decent human being you may have to let this waft by a bit. He may or may not come round to the idea of academic achievement - he is young and time is on his side. He will find his niche in his own way.

You can chain him to his chair in front of his books, but nothing will enter his brain unless he chooses for it to.

Gaining qualifications like charms on a bracelet is often a parental priority, but it may not be a teenager's.

Big him up on the things that you admire about him. That self-confidence is what will take him through life and make it possible for him to study when it feels right for him.

I have a ds also doing GCSEs this year. Sometimes I feel really lax but I cannot force him to revise...like you I've bought the books, he has plenty of time to study. I totally understand. He will definitely get a high mark in English but I'm very worried about maths...I just keep reminding him that if he doesn't pass maths, he will have to retake which will be much worse in the long run.

My son (16) became very defiant and secretive when he was taking his GCSEs last year, I bought all the revision books which he gave back to me recently untouched, I paid for tutoring and was constantly offering help which he refused. I sent him revision links which he wouldn’t look at. He decided himself that he was not going to bother focusing on history and business studies and he failed them both. He managed to get the grades he needed for sixth form but they were lower than he’d expected - the grade boundaries last year didn’t help but he could have put in so much more effort. He frustrated me because he is a smart kid but did the minimum and went under the radar at school, the more we tried to help the more he resisted. He is doing his A-levels now and I’ve left him to it, if he wants to mess it up then that’s up to him but he knows I will not have him living off me for free. So far he seems to be doing well and pulling in some good grades, he has arranged voluntary work at his old primary school - I think he has realised he has to put in the effort to see results.

Yes there are always a few people with shit grades who somehow succeed and get something (purely by their drive or just by being lucky and getting picked for a job, which they excel at)

Buy for most people you fuck up GCSEs, you probably don't go to a good sixth form. You're not gonna go to a top RG uni, and well look how hard the job market is now.

Yabu if he'll get 1 to 3s.
4s and 5s would be ok ish maybe.
If he's capable of 7 to 8s and he gets 5s then that's not ok.

His life is not defined by his academic success at 16.

Take my mother as an example- hated school, did the bare minimum, scraped through (wasn’t daft but didn’t want to try), got a job in a bank, joined an airline, traveled the world and only in her mid 30s did she do her GCSE maths, an A Level and a degree. 25 years as one of the best primary teachers in the region and even a masters age 50.

back off OP. He may not be your typical ‘college/uni’ kid post 16 but his life isn’t over.

Like someone else said your son will thank you for being on his case when he has options after GCSE.
My son's school opened every Saturday for a year to provide extra tutoring for exams. My sons options were go to school 8-3 every Saturday or no PlayStation/phone/friends round. Harsh but it worked, only 3 kids went in every Saturday so they had one on one tutoring, did really well in exams and now has a good job gained through completing a four year apprenticeship. None of this would have happened without my pushing.

I think the problem is that the exams still seem so far away for most kids at this point. Personally I think it's really important that parents help their kids structure their revision - they've never done anything like this before! It's not the time for you to make a point.

I would recommend he consider just watching some youtube vids at this stage Mr Salles for Eng, Primrose Kitten for science, The GCSE maths tutor. Later he can move onto reading the CGP books - maybe he already has them, they are structured really well IMO. Then move on to past papers and things like Physics and Maths Tutor.

Mine (17) is currently applying for apprenticeships. He has an all day online assessment centre on Monday with two interviews and a group task. He's already had to submit a CV and have a telephone interview. If he gets through the assessment centre then he will have to go to an evening where he meets and mingles with staff and is marked on the questions he asks and how he comes across. There is huge competition for everything these days it seems and plenty of hoops you will be expected to jump through.

In lreland and when my ds was that age he had no clue how to study. I helped him pick topics..told him what to learn..main points..heard it out to him and on we went to the next topic. He battled me a bit but knew he needed the help.l knew he was bright but totally lost in how to approach it. He did OK and by the time he was doing his Leaving Cert he had matured enough to manage by himself. He went on to get his degree/ Masters etc but none of that would have been possible if he had drifted through his Junior Cert. I would break it down for him. Tell him what to focus on today and day by day. Try and keep it light. I would say to ds..come on l will give you a hand..pick a subject and we will tackle it together. Don't sicken him by overdoing it. Every bit helps.

What does he want to do after yr 11. Obviously he cannot do A levels or 6th form with his attitude, so does he have a plan? Does he want to learn to drive? How can he afford a car etc.
what salary would he like to earn? How will he get there? It is hard for them when they don’t understand the reality of rent, electric costs etc.

it is hard. He will have to learn. Personally, I would not be handing out money, paying for phones etc - as he will have to manage himself as an adult so he will need to learn now.

I am in the same boat although my son is year 10.

I have offered tutors / got the books encourage etc but he never tries or revises etc i dont think you can force it.

my husband failed all of his GCSE's his mum thought he was revising but he wasn't - he had a huge shock when he failed them - retook and did really well now has a great job!

you can advise / support and guide the rest is up to them. I told my son I want to know I did the best I can to get him through his gcse the rest is on him.

Ds's school taught them very little about study techniques, planning and organisation so if his parents didn't support/educate him who would? I didn't/couldn't help with most of the course contents.

I helped him out with these things during his NAT5 year (Scotland, similar to GCSE as first formal exams) and then I was pretty much hands off for his Highers and Advanced Highers years as he knew by then what he had to do to suceed. Helping with study techniques and approach to learning can also avoid the need and cost of tutors.

Providing parental support through their GCSE/NAT5 could be the difference learning techniques they need prior to the more important Highers/A Levels and floundering through their exam years.

Well yes what you say makes sense.
But.
My brother I remember was probably similar if left to himself. My parents has to basically stand over him to get him to work for his exams. Because they did, he did well.
Went to a good uni, then eventually got himself together and got a first. Masters degree. Now earns an absolute fortune working for a big company doing a job he loves.
Would that have happened if they hadn't made him work for school exams? Probably not to be honest.

Absolutely I would stay on his case. I dread to think how my son would have fared if I hadn't. What he does or doesn't achieve now can easily affect his whole future. Now he's in in early thirties, my son realises this and acknowledges he wouldn't have his career if it weren't for me.

Stay on his case until he's taken his A levels. Whatever the outcome of those, you can look back and know you did your best.

Incidentally, our daughter recently dated a man whose parents let him mess around in school. He told me himself he wishes his parents had been on his case, he has regrets.

@Populationofsouthhampton HRFT but the thing is GCSE grades matter more than you think. Especially if he is not going to stay on at school for further studies. My DD is the same and needs close supervision, which I never had to do with Ds1 or 2. But these may be the last academic exams she is sitting and i want her to achieve her potential

I always pointed out/ encouraged a tiny bit of work could make one grade difference. I tried to break it down to v small bite sizes of revision. I think children ( boys perhaps?) feel overwhelmed by the scale of exams/ the sense of a future and it becomes so much easier 'not to care' when they actually do. Seneca learning seemed to break it up for them too - mimicking online games in a way. anyhow. good luck.

Yes yabu. You don't stop parenting a child at the point of something which could limit his choices. He isn't going to resit. He might have fewer choices and take one of those but he wont ever resit 9 gcses.

I have better things to be doing than chasing round someone who’s now a foot taller than me
better things to do than support your child in achieving his gcses.

he’s old enough to deal with the consequences (which aren’t as life running as overzealous parents and results conscious schools make out.
overzealous parents? Or parents who are still parenting?

Having to do an extra year whilst education is still free makes far more sense than when it'll cost over sixteen grand.