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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband wants another baby

207 replies

gogogo21 · 12/01/2024 15:38

Husband really wants another child, and I'm in two minds whether to have another.

For context, we have 4 already, youngest has SEN, non verbal, still in nappies and has no basic understanding - DC is 3. He literally needs eyes on him 24/7.

Husband goes to the gym 5-6 days a week, works full time, and is barely home - there is an odd day he will be home for the full day. When he is home, he doesn't bath, change, cook or feed the kids. I raised this with him, and he explicitly said he will pull his weight and make sure he helps when he is home. I love him but I feel he can be very selfish and self centred at times, no regards to how I feel.

I also work full time, but I WHF so the responsibility falls on me. ABIU to not want another child, where I bear the full responsibility of everything - he said he will help 50/50 but I just can't see it happening. I would love to have more but I don't feel I would be able to cope if he doesn't help.

Ultimately it is my decision, I'm just worried about many things.

OP posts:
gamerchick · 12/01/2024 15:59

Sarvanga38 · 12/01/2024 15:50

Honestly, the threads that are believable are getting fewer and fewer. Surely this can't be a serious one?

Was thinking the same recently.

catsnhats11 · 12/01/2024 15:58

Is he worried you'll soon start getting some freedom as the children are all in school? Is this is form of controlling you? Very odd he wants a 5th when he barely spends time with the 4 you already have.

Horriblewoman · 12/01/2024 15:58

Who is this man? Nick Cannon?

blackpanth · 12/01/2024 15:58

Hell no

Whatsthestorynow · 12/01/2024 15:58

What reason does he have for wanting another? Seems completely crazy when you already have 4 & he does fuck all. I’d be telling him to piss off!

tennesseewhiskey1 · 12/01/2024 15:58

Ffs NO. You’ve got 4 and are raising them basically solo. Please don’t have another with him. He barely parents the 4 he has!

gamerchick · 12/01/2024 15:58

Not a fucking chance OP. SN doesn't go away and brings extra challenges as they get older

Tell him to prove it. This 50/50 thing. See how long it lasts.

Original poster
gogogo21 · 12/01/2024 15:56

Snoozymoozy · 12/01/2024 15:55

That would be a HELL NO from me.
As if anythings going to change!

Honestly this is my mindset, I can't imagine having to be pregnant and carry my 3 year old - who weight 18kg 🥴

OP posts:
Terrribletwos · 12/01/2024 15:56

Ask him what are his SPECIFIC reasons for wanting another child?

MostlyHappyMummy · 12/01/2024 15:56

I also agree that this thread, like many others, are clearly made up. Nobody would keep breeding with an arsehole husband like this.

IggityZiggity · 12/01/2024 15:56

Fuck no. What planet is he on!?? He is lucky you are still with him. Useless sod.

Snoozymoozy · 12/01/2024 15:55

That would be a HELL NO from me.
As if anythings going to change!

IncompleteSenten · 12/01/2024 15:54

I'd be asking myself if it's another baby he wants or if it's you further shackled to the kitchen sink.

HardcoreLadyType · 12/01/2024 15:54

Sarvanga38 · 12/01/2024 15:50

Honestly, the threads that are believable are getting fewer and fewer. Surely this can't be a serious one?

Just in case this is genuine, I would say to him, to pull his weight for at least a year, and you’ll consider it.

What is it about this magical 5th child that will make him step up as a parent?

IncompleteSenten · 12/01/2024 15:53

Fuck that. He does bugger all for the four he's already got. He's having a laugh!

Nevermind31 · 12/01/2024 15:51

Why does he want another if he doesn’t do anything g with the ones he’s got?

Sarvanga38 · 12/01/2024 15:50

Honestly, the threads that are believable are getting fewer and fewer. Surely this can't be a serious one?

Dacadactyl · 12/01/2024 15:50

It would be a MASSIVE no from me.

Strawberrycheesecake7 · 12/01/2024 15:49

Don’t try for another baby just for your husband. If you do decide you want another child you should be 100% sure you yourself want one and could cope with one. You’ve given him 4 children already and are well within your rights to say absolutely not to another.

cestlavielife · 12/01/2024 15:49

He will? When?
What is he waiting for?

When he is home, he doesn't bath, change, cook or feed the kids. I raised this with him, and he explicitly said he will pull his weight and make sure he helps when he is home

If he earms a million and you have full time nannies and housekeepers go right ahead if you want to

girljulian · 12/01/2024 15:49

It sounds like four is already too many given the curve ball that came with your youngest! Who has five kids these days??

Original poster
gogogo21 · 12/01/2024 15:46

Zombiemum1946 · 12/01/2024 15:42

I'd ask him to prove it first for at least a year, then give it some consideration. If he's away that much and has so little input he clearly has no idea what's involved.

I've said this, he did help feed them before school this morning. I don't really have time on my side, I'm 33 this year and ive said I'm not having anymore past 35.

OP posts:
2mummies1baby · 12/01/2024 15:45

No no no no no no no.

Lizzieregina · 12/01/2024 15:44

Good grief, absolutely not.

bookworm14 · 12/01/2024 15:43

Jesus Christ no.