Husband wants another baby

OP you already have 4 children and 1 lazy
Manchild !
Dont do it!

@DonnaBanana

what do you think balance looks like in this situation?

Given that he’s as much use as a chocolate fireguard, I’d be tempted to crack on and take that risk quite frankly.

Absolutely bonkers that this man has been allowed to produce 4 kids. I can see no reason whatsoever to justify adding a 5th (it clearly has nothing to do with enjoying parenting so he’ll only want a 6th).

I realise this isn’t the point but how are you getting any work done WFH if your youngest needs eyes on 24/7?

No one needs 5 kids. Terribly selfish. Could you afford to support them all through uni if they all wanted to go? School trips? Family holidays?

Or would you compromise a nice life for the kids you already have so that your husband fulfils some kind of egotistical need to breed?

If he does nothing with the 4 kids he’s got then he doesn’t want another one. It’s just a form of controlling you.

Hahahaa this would be the easiest no in the world, but I wouldn’t tell him definitively until I’d negotiated 5-6 personal trips out a week for me too, to gym or coffee/wine/ walks. What kind of stupid idiot thinks someone will fall for ‘I’m a useless fucker at home now whose main focus is my personal time at the gym but oh I’ll be different with baby number FIVE’ ??

Goes to the gym 5-6 days a week and also does nothing around the home? I hope he's extremely rich and hot, otherwise this guy sounds like a complete dud. Don't saddle yourself with any more obligation. Honestly, you have too many children with this self-interested dead weight of a man. I guess it sounds too hard to leave him at this point, don't make it any worse.

There is nothing in your messages to suggest that you want another child. You already have your work cut out, that much is clear. It is also clear that your husband does little to contribute towards domestic life. I would not even ‘give him a chance to prove it’.

It’s entirely your choice and it sounds like you are being sensible to be reluctant! However if he is really determined to have another child he is also within his rights to leave and find someone to do that with so it’s a balancing act really

You dont know how big the needs of your youngest child will become. Read sen threads parents are fighting to get school places, transport, respite, access to hobbies. Your youngest will need so much support as well as trying to balance other kids needs.

I'd be getting implant or mirena fitted

You needed to come here to ask for advice because you couldn't figure out for yourself you're being treated like a domestic appliance that pops out sprogs?

Come on. Bin the man and have less housework to do as a result.

Why are you even contemplating it? Solely because he has mentioned it? You're not legally bound to keep popping out kids you know? It's meant to be a joint decision. One where you're both on the same page.

This can’t be for real! Who has 5 kids nowadays and if they do they usually don’t have to work or can afford nanny’s etc. That’s craziness to even consider it with a full time job and a useless man!

Just laugh in his face and say yeh yeh yeh, the day you start parenting instead of going to the gym, I might think about it. And repeat.
Don't even take him seriously cos he isn't taking you seriously!

Tell him if you had another child you cannot take having them back ifvhe doesn't pull his weight. If he wants another child, he needs to prove his going to step up before hand.

He's got four he doesn't bother with, why does he want a fifth to ignore?

Surely you can't be spending much quality time with the oldest 3 as it is? Having a fifth sounds like utter madness to me.

What’s this new obsession with people having 4-5 kids? Count your blessings. Seems excessive, selfish and I really don’t know how people give dedicated and quality time to their kids as individuals. I struggle with doing that with 2 kids.

He’s a shit father and his reasoning for wanting another is worse. Jesus fucking Christ.

I honestly do not know how you do what you are doing. Full time, 4 kids and one with SEN.
I'd be thinking about giving him his marching orders instead of another child.
What is it about some men who manage to convince a woman that they can keep the same life they had before they had kids- they're like the sun, expect everyone else to revolve around them.

The only people I see with 5 kids nowadays (and it's so so rare) are ones where one of the partners earns a bucket load and the other is a full time stay at home parent.

Stupid answer. No way should they be having more children. 4 is already more than enough when the planet is so overcrowded and with the last child having health problems only a moron would consider having another.

I would be concerned that you would have another severely disabled child as well.

Not bothered in the slightest. Adiós to you and your patronising attitude.

No way.
how on earth do you work full time and manage 4 children and all the work that entails? Do you have lots of help eg from your DM?
but that’s irrelevant, you need long term contraception. And get him to help with the kids that you have. Very selfish to go to the gym so often. Why on earth does he want another child when he can’t parent his existing children properly?

I think your husband wants a ‘normal’ 4th kid, because wanting a younger one when there are 3 older ones anyway makes no sense

This is entirely crackers - you can’t give proper attention to 5 kids if one has serious special needs.

You don’t want another one anyway.

Just say no. It’s an utterly selfish and childish idea.

And.. I don’t know how you make him pull his weight really but he sounds awful, I would start by giving him a list of jobs.