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Original poster

It’s a husband and porn one…

34 replies

Chickenfeed67 · 11/01/2024 16:14

A few days ago, I got up, went into the bathroom to have a shower and left DH in bed. I turned on the shower radio, and it must have been connected to his phone by Bluetooth because the sounds of a porn video came through it.

I shouted through to him, ‘what are you listening to’ and he came through a minute or so later all apologetic. Said ‘oh it was just some silly thing I clicked on, blah blah’. I’m not daft - I know he watches porn and if I’m not in the house I don’t really care…but the thought he turned it on as soon as I left the room feels different somehow. It’s not a sackable offence, but I can’t really look at him and it’s been a few days.

Should I get over it or has he really done wrong? I just don’t know.

OP posts:
Bobbotgegrinch · 11/01/2024 17:01

If you're not bothered that he watches porn, then why are you bothered he's watching porn?

Quick thought experiment. Take the porn out of the equation for a minute. You've gone for a shower, but forget your towel so pop back into the bedroom for it. You find him in there having a quick wank (without porn). Are you still annoyed?

Are you annoyed he's wanking when you've just left the room?
Are you annoyed that he's watching porn when you've left the room?
Are you annoyed that you've been exposed to the (sound of) the porn?
Are you annoyed that he watches porn at all (and you just didn't realise it).

Right now, his understanding is that you haven't had a problem with porn, but now you do. Identifying what exactly has pissed you off will enable you to identify what boundaries you want to establish. At that point you can have a reasonable conversation with him.

Hopefully he'll agree to those boundaries and all will be well. He may not though, (for instance, I wouldn't accept a "no wanking when I'm in the house" rule), and you're the ones trying to introduce a boundary into the relationship that wasn't in place before.

plumberdrain · 11/01/2024 16:48

Chickenfeed67 · 11/01/2024 16:40

Not really awful tension, just an uncomfortable feeling. He’s trying to be extra nice. No kids in the house.

so after he denied it… then what? he continues to deny?

either way… you know he watches porn. he knows you know he watches porn. whilst thoughtless of him, if you haven’t discussed “ground rules”… it seems unfair to have days of barely being able to make eye contact with him.
Talk to him!

CoffeeMachineNewbie · 11/01/2024 16:45

How is your sex life generally?

If it's ok then I'd still feel a bit hurt because hes choosing it over you but id take the view that sex and masturbation are 2 different things and he just wanted 2 minutes to himself, not the intimacy of sex. A bit like wanting a takeaway in your jammies infront of the telly rather than a sociable meal out with friends.

Original poster
Chickenfeed67 · 11/01/2024 16:40

Not really awful tension, just an uncomfortable feeling. He’s trying to be extra nice. No kids in the house.

OP posts:
plumberdrain · 11/01/2024 16:39

do you have children?

plumberdrain · 11/01/2024 16:37

so you’ve barely spoken and awful tension since then?

plumberdrain · 11/01/2024 16:37

how was it left and what has it been like between you since then?

MaggieNextDoor · 11/01/2024 16:20

He could have had the decency to wait!!! I'd find that really disrespectful.

canthelpitt · 11/01/2024 16:17

I know what you mean, there's a difference between assuming he looks at porn and it actually being forced in your face! It's like he was waiting for you to go in the shower and immediately put it on. You will get over it but it would piss me off too