AIBU to be upset she doesn’t remember my name?

I’m not quite 70, and for the last ten years have had terrible problems recalling names. I don’t know why, my memory for other things is still excellent. It’s absolutely mortifying. I’ve now learned, despite the embarrassment, that it’s best to be honest with people about it; if I need to write a name, I call someone who knows them and ask what it is. Also, I keep an address book with families names written down.

Why not just ask the woman politely if she struggles to remember your name, and there’s anything you can do to help her remember it?

She sounds great and that's exactly the right approach if you struggle with names or have a block on a particular name. It's important to say people's names.

My husband's aunt the first time we went to visit together wrote my name down and looked at it every time she spoke to me bless her and she was 82. So personally I think this is just rude so stop bothering as she clearly doesn't.

Always bring your name into any early conversation
" So I said to myself, Come on Sarah, get to the gym to motivate me lol hahahaha" or other way to work it into your chat with her.
Her inability may not be to remember your name but to hear it correctly. Be kind, she's old.

10 years in and my MIL gets my name wrong constantly, thought it was me but I have heard her getting her best friends name wrong all the time our names are similar and she calls both of us the same name but totally different e.g. if i was ella and her friend was ellie she would call us both Amanda. Its a weird mental block, not meant to hurt and just happens. I dont have the energy to get worked up about it to be fair i correct her when she says it and she gets embarrassed. No one knows why she cant grasp it and we have a great relationship she is now 75 but has been mucking up names for at least as long as my OH can remember

My grandma used to struggle remembering names and so she’s ask the partner or someone else to confirm it and she would write it.
She may not have always remembered but she’d always make the effort to say the name and always write it correctly in the card etc.

The fact that she’s seemingly not making any effort to even try and remember your name would hurt me.

It is possible to get a name block with a specific person - if it’s never happened to you, you don’t know how weird it is. Particularly if you don’t have a problem remembering anyone else’s names.

I had it with a neighbour for some reason at one point I mixed up her name with a different one and from that point on couldn’t remember which was the right one - it used to baffle my flat mate because we’d be talking about the neighbour I'd do this massive pause while I was trying to remember which name it was - even if she’d just said the right name minutes before.

It was a bizarre feeling and it’s never happened with anyone else before or since.

However if it was someone I was exchanging regular written correspondence with I’d have it written down and double check before writing cards etc.

I'd literally call her Nigel, bob, Pedro etc till she gets the message in a humorous way. I'd be surprised if she isn't using your name accurately by the third visit. Some people's names are slippery to remember and in all honesty she probably is more interested in your child/ her grandson. But give her a reason to remember and she rapidly will 🤷🤣

Seventy-two isn't old - she's not 102. So unless she's got dementia or some other cognitive condition (and there are many) there's no excuse for her to keep forgetting/not bothering.
Does she always remember your child's name? Does she struggle to remember other things, even occasionally?
Assuming she's of otherwise sound mind then it's time to assert yourself. You can start off by correcting her each time, but don't be afraid to say "Brenda. My name isn't Doris or Deirdre or Doreen. It's Diane. Please could you call me that from now on? My name is important to me and I've reminded you what it is every time you make an error. You can remember DD's name and DH's name so please could you remember mine".
At this point - assuming there's nothing 'wrong' with her, it's just rude for her keep getting it wrong or not even bothering to try.

It sounds like you are totally justified in being LC with the inlaws btw. They sound awful!

Yeah, what’s up with that?

Always boggled by how many people on here are low/no contact with family members. I don’t know a soul in this position in real life.

but as we’re already LC with DH’s m&d

What’s the story there?

I am another one wondering if there is some association with your name that makes her uncomfortable in some way. Can your husband not have a conversation with her about it (rather than just correcting her) and ask if she has a problem with the actual name. If that's the case maybe you could come up with a nickname that she would be happy to use?

Agree with others she absolutely knows your name and is doing this deliberately for some reason.

I'm staggered anyone thinks she's having a mental block. She's only in her 70s, so hardly an age thing and this is not some random neighbour you hardly see or a client you meet only a handful of times a year.

Just ignore it, not a battle I'd be arsed fighting.

I take it you don't know many "older" people 😂 Someone of 72 is more than capable of remembering the names of lots of people, and certainly family members. When I first read the op I thought it was about someone in their 90s, which there might have been an excuse for. It is unacceptable in someone of 72 who has no issues.

It is deliberate, but goodness only knows what her game is.

I’d say she almost certainly blames you for the non contact with DH’s parents sadly

It says in the OP that he corrects her, and she waves him away.

She's definitely doing it deliberately but at the same time I wouldn't raise it with her directly because it's not worth the drama. If she calls you the wrong name to your face, I'd correct her every single time. But I wouldn't play into her hands by engaging in her games, all she'll do is deny it and act like you're crazy or over sensitive.

If you really want it brought up, I'd get your husband to do it. I think it's the blood relatives job to handle pain in the arse relatives like this. It surely bothers him too that his nan can't respect his wife, so he should make it clear she's alienating him and DD not just you.

I think she is doing it deliberately. Your husband has told her plenty of times. Most people would be embarrassed if they’d got someone’s name wrong only a few times and that would normally fix the name in their mind.
Failing that they wouldn’t use the name at all or substitute “honey” etc. anything rather than make someone feel they are not worth their name being remembered.
Writing “wife” in cards is ridiculously rude.
Next time she does it fake laugh/snort and say, “And there it is.”
It’s unlikely she’ll be able to ignore that…. Just say, “that thing you do where mine is the only name you can’t remember.”
Don’t see how she could argue with that.

I'd find this irritating, but it isn't a battle I would pick. It's deliberate, she's got some beef with you and has decided to 'respect you as his wife and mother of my grandchild', quite literally.

If you were to take this up with her after seven long years, it'd be difficult to get to the root of it. If you ever succeeded, it would raise some very long-standing issue that obviously matters a lot to her. So what're you going to do about that? Tell her she's wrong and has been for seven years, invalidate her feelings, demand a forced apology?

Nah. This is a sleeping dog, better left in peace.

I struggle with names, strangely more adult names then kids, maybe it's because socialising with adults make me anxious and i dont feel so anxious around kids. I do write peoples names down but still struggle. If i have time I'll look them up and certainly do for anything written. Face to face i honestly avoid names a lot for fear of saying the wrong name or even just pronouncing it incorrectly and being embarrassed, especially with people I've known a long time. If Id accidentally got someone's name wrong I'd be way to anxious to ever say it again, though I would check it and write it correctly.

Does your dh not ask her? Ie "Nan you put wife instead of Ella on our Xmas card. Did you forget her name?'

Name blocks are normal but when writing cards if you're not sure you just check!