To think there are not enough resources for all disabled children?

I know areas vary hugely, and my children are preschool so it is possible I am wrong.

But for example our area has a trampoline park with SEN sessions, soft play, there as a fireworks display for SEN children, one visiting Santa. The language very much leaned towards ND children as the target audience if you like.

That is good, but the OP has made me think that if your child is disabled but doesn’t have autism or ADHD, it’s hard. And given that isolation is a big issue for parents with disabled children anyway, this must massively exacerbate it - a sort of not fitting in in your own home feeling.

I mean, I have quite a few friends now whose children have a wide variety of disabilities, including ones with global mobility issues. They don't complain about the provision for 'other' disabilities and there is a real sense of comradeship that we are in the same general boat

OP, my son is one of those autistic kids who will continue to run into the road without care or attention as an adult. He'll always need at least one to one care when not in a classroom. He isn't going to 'get any better' and I don't understand why you'd think this. We teach him as best we can, it's painfully slow and his brain is wired differently, quite aside from his cognitive age which is about three (he's 13). He IS disabled. You don't get better provision for your child by claiming that everyone else's isn't as needy as yours. Sorry, I'm sure your situation is just as hard and ours, but in a different way.

Agree totally. Neither my DS1 (high functioning autistic) or my DS3 (hearing impaired, visually impaired, tube fed, learning difficulties) agree that they are disabled because they both know that society sees disabled people as inferior beings. But I know how much effort and planning it takes to leave the house with either of them so reckon they both are significantly disabled.

Back to the original question, in our area there is help for both of them but you can only access it with a diagnosis. DS1 was diagnosed five years after I first raised concerns. DS3 was diagnosed at birth. Physical disability tends to be a lot easier to spot.

I'm so sorry there isn't adequate provision for your child, OP. Speaking as the parent of a severely autistic child with significant learning disabilities, I can tell you there are sod all groups, holiday clubs, after school activities for children like mine. His special school is great and provides plenty of enrichment activities during the school day but they don't run after school clubs or holidays or anything like that. And we know how lucky we are to have him there!

I get newsletters for 'ASD' families and everything is geared to kids who are very much more capable than my son.

Really fair point. I think services could be better funded and more resource put in. But yes there is absolutely a social responsibility as well.

So to be able to 'mainly' function in the world your child needs medication, support and accommodations made for them - but you still don't consider them disabled? Do you understand what disabled means? It doesn't mean you are not able to do anything at all for yourself and are completely and utterly reliant on other people.

Your friends child is more severely disabled than your child, no doubt about it. But if your child wasn't disabled then they wouldn't need medication, support and accommodations just so they can 'mainly function adequately'.

Would you tell someone who had no legs that they weren't disabled as they were able to mainly function adequately because they have a wheelchair and live in a modified house?

Your view isn't unpopular, it's just plain wrong.

I agree.

I remember a thread where the OP has similar feelings of isolation. Everyone just piled in and told her to sign her DD up for riding for the disabled!

Exactly. I am sick of the word disabled being seen as some sort of negative.

as for support groups it is well worth remembering that most support groups are set up by people who are living through that themselves in some way and feel able to offer help and support to others.

when it comes to general funding for things for those with disabilities it’s lacking across the board and what is available often doesn’t meet the needs of most of the community it is meant to serve. My son can’t access any of the “break time” activities that are supposed to be available because he needs don’t fit neatly into the boxes!

When mine was diagnosed with ASD and dyspraxia after an 18 month wait for assessment OP, we were given a poorly photocopied booklist and access to a two day course that was held 20 miles away and had a 9 month waiting list. That was all we were ever offered.

Are you saying OP that there are lots of children that have undiagnosed CP? Or what disabilities exactly are you saying are being under diagnosed in favour of ASD?

I think you would be better off concentrating on the issues that are directly affecting your child OP. Your child has been hurt at school, that might happen very occasionally - but is it happening more than that? If so you need to keep going back to the school as they have a duty of safeguarding towards your child and you need to ask them how they are going to keep your child safe. If this child is hurting other children as well then speak to their parents and arrange to go in as a group. Follow the schools complaints procedure and escalate it as needed - I expect after speaking to staff you would then speak to the Head and then if still no joy move on to the governors. The other child might need 1-1 at all times or even 2-1 and not be getting the support they need. It is not the child's fault that the school aren't providing it. In fact it's not the schools fault either I expect - it's lack of funding from the government.

I think you would also be better off sticking to online groups that are solely about support for parents of children with CP. If it seems there are a lot more for those with ASD then it will be because there are a lot more parents with children with ASD who are probably also the ones starting up these groups. Of course there is also the option to start your own group. It's unreasonable to be angry that there are a lot more parents with children who have ASD than there are parents who have children with CP - and autistic children who have no fear as children may continue this into adulthood and may well need residential care to keep them safe.

You're having a difficult time OP, your child is having a difficult time and it is shit and unfair. But the problem is the government and their cutting and cutting of SEND schools and their general underfunding of all schools. Your problem is not with ASD kids or the parents of ASD kids, it's with the government.

Strictly speaking to have asd you have to be disabled, in that your difficulties have to be severe enough to impact your life to that degree, BUT of course it is possible to meet the additional needs of a disabled person so well that they are not impacted by their disability in that situation. I think this is true for many disabilities. For some though they never receive the support needed and for many it is still unachievable.

No support here either, there either 'to autistic or not autistic enough'.

I do get what your saying though but as others have said parents are mostly the ones that organise these groups .

disabled isn’t some dirty word for inferior people. The euphemism additional needs is generally a way of downplaying the reality of disability.

This horribly othering attitude to disability - well those people are disabled, my child is not - is not helpful. Some disabled people have higher needs than others. But having a disability is to have additional needs in various circumstances.

As a mum of a dd with ASD I wish there were more school options. She is currently in mainstream and finds it overwhelming. The other option would be a special school with a variety of different and complex disabilities and spaces are limited. There is no middle ground.

I think blaming the 'government' is an easy option when it's clear that we as a society are unwilling to fund and resource the kind of support that many disabled people need and expect. I know this sounds incredibly harsh and unkind but there simply isn't the will amongst the general population to pay enough tax to fund the cost of some of the provision that is needed. We are all quick to complain about the lack of resource and virtue signal but appetite to pay more into a stretched and overburdened system just isn't there, especially when other public bodies are on their knees as well and crying out for more funding.

I don't know what the answer is but I don't think it does anyone any good pretending that it is just the nasty government standing in the way of disabled people getting the support they need. We need to think long and hard as a country about how we support the vulnerable in our society and how this can be realistically funded and delivered in a fair and consistent way.

Totally agree, my dd has ASD but I wouldn't consider her disabled, additional needs 100%.

Huh? If you have special or additional needs then surely you are disabled?

It doesn’t even feel thinly veiled, tbh.

OP: I think you a misdirecting your frustrations here. The lack of resources for your disabled child are not because of children with autism and ADHD. There is a lack of resources for disabled children generally. And the resources you have accessed have clearly been inadequate in keeping all the children safe, including your daughter. This is a symptom of the lack of investment in disability support.

As others have said, the increase in diagnosis of neurodiversity conditions is in relation to historic underdiagnosis. Why would we expect to see increases in all disabilities?

So you have several support groups for autism in your town when it’s widely known that and there is zero support after an autism diagnosis for children. Your’re lucky if you get a course on Teams let alone all the stuff listed on here. 🤔

I think its very hit and miss as I said there are several my my town
And although they try very hard to be inclusive its not a one size fits all.as the spectrum us so huge .

Is this another thinly veiled anti autism thread? I have 3 children with autism and have had nothing. There are zero support groups, nothing so where are all these groups kids with autism are allegedly hoovering up?

We have several in my town and I'm not knocking them because lots of people use them and get support from them but they are not a one size fits all.
My son is severely autistic ,he's 13 ,non verbal ,he has very complex needs and has little in common wit the majority if children that attend

There's not enough support to go round so rather than blame the government who ultimately dictate how much funding goes in to services let's cut off certain groups as they must need it less than our family.

I’d love to know where all these groups are for autistic children.
I had to give up work as no childminder will take my two children (one in specialist school, one in mainstream) and that’s always been the case since they were small (ds is nonverbal with v v basic understanding level, dd has limited speech/no conversational skills but slightly more understanding, ds needs 2:1 care dd needs 1:1)

no provision available for breakfast club or after school clubs, no summer clubs or childcare, theres a 40 minute ‘sensory session’ at the swimming pool once a month, and the soft play centre has an autism friendly session 4 times a year.

services are shit for all disabled children it’s not a race to the bottom

I would say both were disabled but some have disabilities that an be alleviated so they can function well and some don’t.

I have what will be a very unpopular view. I believe the majority of ADHD and ASD should not be classed as disabled. Special needs, yes, absolutely. Requiring additional supports and accomodations, yes, absolutely. Disabled, not the majority.

As an example, my own (adult) child has ADHD, ASD, OCD, GAD, depression and we all suspect bipolar but that’s mainly controlled via medication that was initially for the ASD but is also suitable for bipolar. Do they have additional needs due to all of this -yes. Do they require appropriate support and accomodations - yes. With this, combined with meds, can they mainly function adequately, yes. They are neurodiverse, with some mental illness likely thrown in but neither myself, nor themselves would ever consider them to be disabled. It’s more like being a diabetic, yes, you have a medical issue, you have medicine to control it, you can function mainly normally on medicine and by tailoring your life to your condition and with appropriate supports, but sometimes you will have an event when you are not controlled but that doesn’t make you disabled.

Whereas my friends (adult) child has ASD, is completely non verbal, unable to be toilet trained and must live in a facility where they are chemically restrained 24/7 otherwise they will cause significant harm to themselves and others. No matter what supports or accommodations are provided, they will never be able to function adequately. There is no question that they are disabled.