Another stepchildren & bedrooms one…

And if DP has learned a lesson it is that his partner will always put her child first. That is not unusual in blended families, but it is clear that the idea of blended is a lie.

@MzHz so the boys do not get a main home?

The step kids are there 50/50, they get one single and 1 double and DD gets the double because that’s her main home. The boys can have a room each and perhaps rotate who stays in which, but the people who live there as their main home do need to have more space. They will have their own rooms which is better than they have in their other home.

DP has learned a lesson. One hopes anyway. Leave him to deal with it but don’t budge on your dd having a room big enough to accommodate her as she’s there more

I think I'd be re-looking at the plans. None of the current solutions sound great. I think the suggestion of the jack & jill bathroom, taking a little off of two of the larger rooms, might be the solution. But, also, we had a family of 5 in a 3 bed house. Sister and I in the largest room, parents in the other double, and brother in the box room. The dining room had a big long desk in it for homework (often with Mum, too, doing school prep.)
We - shock horror - also managed with one bathroom/shower, and another WC. The morning routine was VERY regimented. If it was hair day for my sister or I, we were in there at 06:30! 😂

Okay, fine, but the point is you imagine where people will/might sleep so you can determine if you will all fit in and if everybody will be happy. It sounds like they knew upfront that the bathroom didn't work and needed to be extended. A sensible adult would have understood the impact on the bedrooms then appreciated that it needed to be addressed or they look for another house.

It is different if you are already in a house when the DCs arrive, but you don't buy a house on a whim. Surely you would think about these things before making a massive financial commitment?

It’s not a massive issue for the kids. It’s a massive issue for the OP.

Maybe she should have made it clear that she would want her young DD to have a big room to herself and she was OK with her teen SSs arguing about who had the smaller room and the upset that may cause.

Assume OP and her DH were aware they’d be extending the bathroom and didn’t just suddenly realise it was too small after purchase.

Her DH may well have refused to purchase that property if he she’d been clear on that!

@StardustGiraffe The OP is saying clearly her child should win as she lives there most of the time. She does not have a 50/50.

@harrietm87 And teens should not be carrying possessions in a bag to their home for half a week. They should already have clothes and possessions at their dads house. It sounds like the dad does not provide what they need so they need to bring stuff from their mums.

When you walk around a new house you agree who sleeps where.

Not necessarily. We didn't agree as such when we viewed our home. We discussed who may sleep where - but arrangements were firmed up made after we moved in. All families are different.

It may not be as bad as it is now, but somebody would have ended up disappointed.

When you walk around a new house you agree who sleeps where. I am baffled that nobody thought this might be a problem. Well actually it sounds like the two boys did think and spoke up first.

I'm not defending the DH at all, but I still think the better answer would have been for OP and her DH to act like adults and have the conversation with the kids upfront rather than kicking it down the line when it's probably too late to make everyone happy.

My point is, it wouldn't need to be "a massive issue for the kids" if no promises had been made. If they'd just bought the house and said "we will discuss bedroom allocation when we know more about the renovations needed" etc, it wouldn't now be a huge issue where DH has to go back on a promise he's made against the OP's advice.

@tachetastic

To say let's talk about a massive issue for the kids later when it's too late to do anything but piss somebody off is slightly naive on the part of both the OP and her DH.

Except it wouldn't be pissing anybody off if DH hadn't made promises he couldn't fulfil 🤷‍♀️

Yep exactly. Poor kids. It’s not double of everything as a pp said, it’s half of everything and not having a real home. It’s having to carry your possessions in a small bag between houses and then that being used to justify why you shouldn’t get your own space in either house. It’s being a teenager with a life and friends and important exams and being told that a 9 year old needs to have room for their Lego or your stepmum needs a bath rather than a shower.

The fairest thing is to prioritise space for the teens and then when the DD is a teen she can move into the bigger room.

Can you not create a family bathroom downstairs ?

I often feel that 50/50 custody arrangements are more to benefit the parents than the kids and lead to issues like having to have 2 homes exactly the same (according to Mumsnet). Honestly, who can affford that?

It's weird to me that your step children have no belongings. It doesn't sound like it's really their home.

I dunno, I get the impression that you want everyone to say of course your child is more important but she isn't.

And was she really using toddler furniture until you moved?!

A room that they share.

They share in their other home.

The kid whose main/only home it is. The older kids have a room in the other house.

Actually, I kind of think the opposite.

The problem would have been avoided by having a conversation about bedroom allocation upfront, including all five members of the family, before they bought the house. If it was clear that nobody was going to be happy with the small bedroom then they should have looked for another house. To say let's talk about a massive issue for the kids later when it's too late to do anything but piss somebody off is slightly naive on the part of both the OP and her DH.

But they're all stepchildren? So who should win?!

Or they get double of everything? Rooms in 2 houses, double the presents, double Christmas?

Or... DD gets small room, DSS share a double and the 3 kids have a double room as their playroom/den. Room in it for a wardrobe for DD.

Of course your daughter should have the bigger room and anyone who suggests otherwise is being ridiculous. It's her main home whereas the other are there 50/50. Unless you're a millionaire, it's completely unreasonable for your DCS to expect to have a room each in 2 houses. There's a housing and cost of living crisis going on! The notion that they get the same in each is ridiculous.

I disagree I think families do need a bath and OP clearly wants one !